Tear...Swallow..Breathe..Just answer..
This is such a hard question for a mommy of an angel. Of course I want to tell her I am a mommy of a beautiful baby girl. But I just dont want to be asked the dreaded next question.."So how old is she?". Ugggg.
I wanted to run away right then and there. The lady was doing my nails or I just might of.
Maddie will always be 4 months old to me. Even if she is growing up in heaven I will always think of her as a baby.
Luckily she didn't ask me. But I still wanted to run and hide. I don't mind sharing Maddie's story. I love my daughter and I am so proud of her but totally falling apart in a nail salon is it really worth telling that lady about Maddie being in heaven? I guess I am not far enough in my grieving process to answer that question in any other way then with tears. One day I will be there..one day.
I did get the Shellac nail polish and I love it! I'll show y'all in my Friday video blog.
24 comments:
Although losing a parent is nothing like losing a child, I struggled with answering that question of what my parents did,etc. after losing my dad my senior year of high school.
It really depended on the situation, is what I learned. While its hard to sometimes answer questions like my dad was still alive, it made it easier than telling my professors, or peer advisors, the whoel story. My roommate, boyfriends, and real friends eventually discovered the truth after some time.
Even though my dad almost 5 years ago, I found myself dealing with that question a few months back as I was starting a new job and my co-workers were inquiring about how I grew up and ended up going to college where I was at. I told my supervisor pretty quickly about it, because in September (when my father died), it could affect my work and I felt she deserved to know. With some of my other co-workers, I answered their questions about my dad's job, etc. However, as I come to trust them more and more, I open up to them about my story and allow them into my world.
Every single time I've told someone, they've let me share what I wanted to share and then thanked me for sharing. Never has anyone asked more questions or been rude, however you WILL encounter those people. Just remember that they need prayers and hope that they never have to experience the pain you're dealing with.
I've been praying for you and will continue to do so. This grieving road never ends, but luckily, there are bright spots along the way that help!
::hugs::
Sorry for you getting asked that question,but I'm sure it will come up more in the future. Have you thought about what your answer will be?
Can't wait to see your nails,I've been buying Broadways nails in petite because my nails were ruined at the salon =/
Oh Kellie I'm so sorry! My brother lost a two year old ten years ago and to this day he and his wife still tell people they have "four kids on earth and one in heaven." There is no right answer because it isn't right. I'll pray that you learn what answer works for you!
I do nails (for 10years now) and I never ask that for that exact reason. I also never ask are you married because I have several clients that are married to angels.
Enjoy your Shellac it's pretty darn awesome!
You are such a strong momma. Your little angel is more proud of you than you could EVER imagine! I have followed you for a while now, and I feel like with every post you seem stronger and stronger. As lucky as you were to have Maddie, she was lucky to have you both. You can just FEEL the love and appreciation you have for her, and it melts all of our hearts. Stay strong, and know that we all support you.
You WILL be there one day - or even 13 years later when you tell your story to someone you chose to you might have a few tears as I have. That's ok ! I pick/chose who I want to share with - most often with those I know are compassionate enough to understand in the right environment as you are doing. Be proud of yourself that you don't completely fall apart at just the question - there are some that do after many years, not months. That shows you are doing great - getting out in the world & holding yourself together when you want to fall apart. Not that there is anything wrong with falling apart but I believe that's a sign of healing - being able to function at the "normal" things others expect of us when we don't feel normal. Be proud of yourself today for this sign of moving along the healing journey in a positive way !
Thinking about you. Stay strong and continue to tell Maddie's story for her!
xoxo sending our love to you
Kellie,
I have been reading your blog for a couple of months now, and am truly heartbroken for you and your husband. Your strength, however, amazes me! I am so sorry you were faced with this inevitable situation today. My baby, Connor, was stillborn when I was 38 weeks pregnant due to a cord accident nearly two years ago. I had a pedicure just days before he was born, and when I went back to the salon months later, they remembered me and asked me how old my baby was. I had to lie--no way could I break down in front of these strangers. Always be proud to say you are a mommy to your beautiful Maddie! Stay strong!
God bless,
Natalie
Continuing to pray for your family.
Just wanted you to keep the Sikes family in your prayers. They buried their son today. He was 9 months old and had a brain tumor. Thought you might be able to reach out to this mama.
http://www.jamescamdensikes.blogspot.com
Continue to pray for you
Just wanted you to keep the Sikes family in your prayers. They buried their son today. He was 9 months old and had a brain tumor. Thought you might be able to reach out to this mama.
http://www.jamescamdensikes.blogspot.com
Kellie,
You are a very brave and proud mommy!!! I am sure Madison is happy to have you as her mommy. You prove to us every day how really strong you are, Just to be able to get thru the day is showing us that you guys are very strong. I Know I dont know you, But my good friend from high school lost her daughter @ 9months old here in arizona. She was moving a TV and the TV fell on her daughter and she passed away in her moms arms. This is a pain no mother should ever have to go thru.
The reason why i tell you this is that she has been using this foundation called the MISS FOundation and from what I hear there are a great help to her. I thought that you might like to have there website to check it out. I know that on July 27th they are doing some big project in honor of there children. I thought that it might be a good website for you to look at.
Hopefully I didnt offend you or hurt you with posting this. But I do love to follow your blog and read up on you guys because you truly do inspire me and show me it is ok to be sad but that you do still live and love for Maddie.
Your relationship as well with James is incredible. You guys are the sweetest couple and I hope to follow your blog forever.
Sincerly,
Deanna from Arizona
deanna.davis28@yahoo.com
Sorry here is the link to the MISS foundations Blog which will take you to the website as well.
Deanna
I hate that question but have found that I just answer it...through the tears and all, sometimes I can't get much out and sometimes I can hold it together a bit longer. You say and do whatever you feel you can handle.
I feel the same way. I remember going on a date a while back and the guy asked if I had kids. Well it's probably something that I shouldn't tip toe around right? I was completely honest and just said that i did have a son but he passed away at 5 months old... Talk about tripping over you words, because I usually get a mouth drop. Luckily he is still around and we are still seeing eachother. I don't think his family knows how to ask me any questions. I'm pretty sure they know as well (plus they have seen all my tattoos). OMGosh is usually another response followed by I'm so sorry!!!!!!! It hurts, it really does. I miss TK so much as I'm sure you and James miss Maddie just as much! Hugs to you. I enjoy following your blog.
ITs been over 2 years since my Bethany died and I still hate that question, but your right I can answer it easier some days now then I used to. Some days I can put a smile on my face and say, my youngest is in heaven, other days I pray people don't ask where the fourth child is....
cant wait to see your nails.. and your video blog!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my goodness! I can completely and totally relate to THAT QUESTION! when we lost our son, and for about 2 years following his passing, I *hated* being asked that. I couldn't bring myself, at that time, to say that we only had one child, I HAD to say we had two children, but one was in heaven. Either one of two things would follow: A lengthy conversation about Mac, how he died, and how we were coping, OR I had to deal with that awkward "Oh, I'm sorry" followed by an awkward silence and I was left praying for any break away from the situation so I could run away. It's been 6 years, and we have had 2 kids since he left us, and now I don't mind so much just saying "we have 3 kids" and leaving it at that without mentioning that we have another child, a 4th, who is in heaven. People who are close to us know and respect his memory and we can talk about him candidly, but strangers??? Neh, They are blissfully ignorant of him and that's suddenly ok with me now, where as it wasn't ok 6 years ago. 6 years ago, I felt that not mentioning him was denying him. But I know how, he doesn't feel hurt, or shame, or sadness where he is. If I firmly believe that he is in heaven, I cannot believe that he would feel betrayed by being not mentioned. He would understand why I would not mention him. (((((HUGS)))))) Maddie knows, and Maddie understands your emotions. She just wants you to be happy and not be sad. She's happy and knows no sadness or pain, and she wants that for her mommy and daddy too :-)
I have never been pregnant or lost a child... However I do have fertility issues and every time someone ask if we have children or how many we have and I say we dont I always get the look...Today at my reunion I was asked so many time and every time I said no I got the look like you've been married 6 yr and have no children... Sigh, I'm praying for your family :)
Kellie,
In due time you will be there but even then there will be moments that you choose not to share. I know that pregnancy loss is a vast difference than what you went through but I do understand the grief process and I know one day you will be there. I will continue praying for you as you go through this journey.
Kellie,
In due time you will be there but even then there will be moments that you choose not to share. I know that pregnancy loss is a vast difference than what you went through but I do understand the grief process and I know one day you will be there. I will continue praying for you as you go through this journey.
I was just thinking about you dear, and I was thinking about this question.
Whenever someone asks about our daughter, or about how many children we have, I always say we have one on earth and one in Heaven.
You are a mommy. You are a mommy to a gorgeous little angel. And though it is heartbreaking to have to talk about it or think about it: you are her mommy. And she is your baby.
So when you are ready, I think you shouldn't be afraid to say that you are a mommy to a beautiful angel. Because you are. If you want people to know she existed, you have every right to say so, and you shouldn't worry about upsetting or offending people. She lived, and she lives in you. Don't ever be afraid to talk about her. She is your angel.
God Bless
Virginia
I get this question a LOT, and I mean a LOT. They see my only living child and ask; "how many children do you have.." This always takes my breath away because I dont want to be unfaithful to my Angles, but they are also very privet and sacride to me.. I hessetate to answer, most of the time I just say, our Princess is our only living child, and walk away. I dont want to get into the fact that I have burried 4 children. I have held 3 of them in my arms as they have taken their first and last breath in this world. I hold them close to my heart and would never let anyone disrespect them. I also do this with our only living child, I think I would die, well I KNOW I would if anything where ever to happen to her.
Its hard to know what to say, and iwth time it will come. Next week, Aug 3, I will be celabrating our Daughter Lynli's 7th Birthday/Angel Day. Hard yes, but the journey to get here, well, its been a journey.
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