Your questions answered part 1

- What is your favorite part about being a teacher? Least favorite?
I love love love love teaching. I think my favorite part is seeing how much my students learn. Most of my students come in knowing a few letters and sounds and they leave Kindergarten reading and writing. Its AMAZING!
They hardest part is remembering they are only 5! I have to tell myself that every day. We expect so much from them but they really are just babies still.


-Have you or James ever went back and talk to the care-taker that was watching Maddie at the time that your life forever changed? Do you know how she is coping with the entire thing?
No we have not talked to her. I don't blame her we just have not talked to her.

-I always think it's interesting to find out who said the magic words 'I love you' first.
Honestly I dont remember..EKKK.. I even asked James and he said he doesnt remember. I think it was me tho. He He.


-How did you and James meet?
Believe it or not we met on Match.com.. Yes, its true. I told James we need to be on one of those commercials. We were both tired of dating and we wanted to find someone that we were really interested in. James sent me a message and I wasn't going to answer him because he didn't have a picture and some guy with no picture is a CREEP-O in my book. Something in my heart told me to give him a chance so we started messaging each other. He finally sent me a picture and I found out he wasn't a creep-o. We actually lives 2 miles from each other. Eventually we started hanging out and the rest is history!

How long after you were dating were you engaged?
9 1/2 months. We both knew we have found "the one". James proposed on Christmas Eve in front of both our families!!!

-When you think about Maddie, do you have a specific memory of her that can guarantee you to always makes you smile?
Oh so so so so many memories! One in particular..... Maddie would look at you and just start smiling. James and I talk about her smiles all the time.

-Do you have any idea how many people out there you don't even know keep you, your husband, and your beautiful Maddie in their thoughts? :-)
Nope :) But, I want to say thank you to everyone for all their support!

-What is you favorite go to outfit when going on date with your hubs, out with friends or just when you want to wear something cute.
I don't feel like I have any "cute" outfits. I have a black dress from Old Navy that I have had since we got engaged that I wear a lot. This reminds me I need to go shopping!!

Besides James and Maddie, who/what are your favorite photography subjects? Also, did I miss photos of your classroom?
I love taking pictures of kids and families. I am not so much a building/objects photography. I like telling a story through the lens of my camera and buildings just don't do that for me...



I adore your blog my one question is what got you into photography and do you have a website?
No, not yet. My brother is still working on it!

Stay Tuned for Part 2...........

Ask away..

I am doing another ask me anything blog because my other one got clogged up with other comments.

So here it is...

Leave me a comment with any burning questions you may have for James and I.

I am going to try and answer them by tomorrow...

Happy Thursday!

I did it!

Usually when I go to the store I avoid the baby section. It hurts to go by there. It bring back way to many memories.

But, guess what I did the other day???

You guessed it!!

I went to Target feeling energized and happy. I happened to walk past the baby section..So I braced my self for a quick walk through. It was something I needed to do. It was something I needed to check off my "firsts with out Maddie" list.

So, I did it. I walked through the baby section of Target without crying.

Let me just tell you I am SO proud of my self...I DID IT!!

It may seem kinda silly but it felt good. I am doing this. It's hard but I am doing it.

Sunday YUM!!

Oh man... I don't even like peanut butter and I ate a tons of these.

Peanut Butter Rice Krispy Treats With Chocolate Frosting

Ingredients:

• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup corn syrup
• 1/4 cup butter
• 1 cut peanut butter
  
• 6 cups Rice Krispies
• Chilled 13 x 9 pan
• Frosting:
• 12 oz Hershey's milk chocolate chips
  

Directions:

• Heat the sugar, corn syrup and butter until it comes to a boil.
• Remove from the heat and stir in the peanut butter.
• Stir in the Rice Krispies.
• Press the mixture into the chilled 13 x 9 pan. Spread chocolate frosting on top. Chill in the fridge.
• Frosting:
• Melt chocolate chips and spread on the bars immediately.
  

YUMMMMO!!!

P.S
I tried reading through everyone's comments on my "ask me anything" blog but there were SO many comment about vaccinations that I gave up. So, I'll start another "ask me anything" blog this week! SORRY!

A little bird.

Today I went to Maddie's spot. It's so pretty there. I am so glad James and I picked that spot for her under beautiful tall trees.

It was cool and the wind was blowing. I sat down and talk to Maddie. I rubbed her stone and wiped off the dirty on her picture.

I sat there talking to her. Then wind stopped blowing and it was still. A little bird was chirping and chirping and it was such a pretty sound. All I could think of was Maddie. Was it her saying ,"Mommy I'm ok"? I looked up and saw the bird. Then the bird stopped and just stared at me. I smiled. Maybe it was Maddie. She needed to see me smile.

Its little things like birds that make me happy these days.

I am really missing Maddie today. I have been pretty upset since I left Maddie's spot and I cant seem to stop crying. I miss her so much.

Hurt

My heart still hurts.

I feel attacked.

I posted a blog about vaccination and I guess I "read" into my comments wrong. If so, I'm sorry.

But, put your self into my shoes. My daughter is gone. DEAD.....as in NOT HERE! I am just a mother seeking answers. I never said I agreed with the information. I am just trying to understand!

I removed the post.

Sorry.

Be who you are!

This morning I woke up still pretty upset by the comments left on my vaccinations post. But then I remembered what a great friend of mine always tells me....


...and that's the truth. I am just going to keep on going with my head up high.

Since I can't seem to grasp the words to blog about I was thinking about doing another ask me anything blog... So here we go:

- Leave me a comment with any burning questions you may have about me, James, my favorite color (he he), photography, teaching, being a mom..ect.... I will post a blog tomorrow with the answers.

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!

Wow..

I am blown away with all the the negativity towards me doing a post about vaccinations.
Like I said before I am not choosing a side on that subject. I was simply posting something I read. It hurts my heart to know how cruel some people can be. Sometimes I wonder if I should make my blog private due to this.

Monday recipe

Another recipe from Pearls, handcuffs, and Happy Hour... This was REALLY yummy!!!



SMOTHERED CHICKEN

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

6-8 slices of bacon, cooked & chopped

4 slices cheddar cheese

BBQ sauce {I used Rudy’s}

Montreal steak seasoning

Green onion

Honey mustard sauce {1 cup mayo, 1/2 cup dijon mustard, 1/4 cup honey}

Sprinkle chicken with montreal seasoning on both sides. We really LOVE spicy food, so we used the spicy montreal, but you can get it regular too :)

Transfer chicken to large skillet and cook on medium high heat for about 6-8 minutes on each side.

Meanwhile, cook bacon & chop. I totally cheated. Since I can’t cook bacon to save my life…and I really didn’t feel like trying…I bought the fully cooked kind and just microwaved it until it was crisp :) A little puny, but still dang good.

After cooking chicken on both sides, keep in skillet and spread a tablespoon of BBQ sauce on each breast & layer with bacon…

Now top with cheddar cheese.

Cover the skillet with a lid and cook on medium high head for an additional 10-15 minutes. When it’s ready, remove and top with green onions and serve with the YUMMY honey mustard sauce!

I definitely say DO NOT skip on the honey mustard {unless you’re really not a fan}. And, of course, if you like shortcuts, buying a tasty bottle of honey mustard dressing would do the trick just fine too :)

7 months

We have had company staying in our office so that is why I could not post this yesterday.

Yesterday marked 7 months since our Maddie left us to be a angel. I can't say it has gotten any easier. It still hurts just as much as it did the day we found out. James and I always talk about her and I think that really helps. I used to cry when I talk about her, now I do a lot more smiling.

7 months seems like such a long time to live without the one thing that made me whole. But, the truth is she is still living but through me, her daddy, any everyone who met her, and even anyone who just read about her. She is still living!!

As the days draw closer to her 1st birthday I am getting more and more upset. I will say this until the day I die...It's just not fair!! I should be planning a HUGE elaborate pink party, but instead I am ordering balloons to release in her honor. How am I supposed to make it through this.. Its going to be so hard!!!

We love you Maddiebug. Keep on living.. Through me, daddy and everyone. Keep on shining bright!!!!

Blogging

I'm really in a blogging rut. I just don''t know what to post about sometimes. I am not avoiding posting I just don't know what to say that has not already been said.

Sorry, I am still around.

Some days I sit at my computer desk and just stare at the screen until I finally get up and walk away.

But, I'm fine. Just trying to think of something insightful to say. It still hasn't come yet.

11 months

Today should be Maddie's 11 month birthday. We miss her so much! As her 1 yr birthday is approaching I have realized how much Maddie has helped me change into the women I am today.

I am a better teacher, friend, wife and daughter because of her. I have helped share SIDS info and maybe even saved a babies life. I understand what true love is and how easily it can be taken away from you. I have learned and hopefully taught everyone to take nothing for granted, to take lots of pictures, and to give lots of extra hugs and kisses. I learned all of this beacuse of my special angel Maddie.....

We love you Maddie. We are so blessed to have you in our lives.

It's coming..

It will be here soon. Maddie's 1st birthday that is. Tomorrow should be her 11 month birthday. I'm scared, nervous, anxious and I wanna puke. It's gotten here so fast. How did this happen?
How am I going to make it through that day? I am going to need lots of prayers.

I still haven't officially decided what we are going to do to celebrate her life. I am thinking about releasing balloons. I don't think the lanterns are going to be a good idea. Its so dry here. I don't want to start any more fires. We aren't going to have a party or anything.Ug I just don't know. I mean how do you plan your daughters 1st birthday in heaven?

It's been a very hard past couple of days. The tornado is trying to sneak back up on me. It really wants to run me over, but I'm not going to let it. I am going to stand tall like the proud mom I am.

I got a coupon for a free baby's first year cake in the mail the other day. I wanted to cry, then I wanted to scream, stomp my feet and act like a 5 yr old. This just isn't fair!!!! But, instead I threw it away. I told myself, this has to get easier... but does it really? I think I have learned you just get used to feeling this way and it kinda becomes a part of you. That's sad really.

Yum!

I made this last week and James is still talking about how good it was. I was sick and couldn't taste it, so I'll just take his word for it ;)

**I did not have big shells and I could not find them at the grocery store.. So I just made the sauce and we put in on top of chips like nachos. **

TACO STUFFED SHELLS

recipe from Blog Chef

1 lb. ground beef

1 pkg. taco seasoning

1 {14 oz.} pkg. cream cheese

12 large pasta shells

1 cup salsa

1 cup taco sauce

I cup shredded cheddar cheese

1 chp shredded monterrey jack cheese

1/2 cup tortilla chips, crushed

3 green onions, chopped

1 cup sour cream

Yes, I know. It looks like it requires a little too much effort, but I swear that’s SO not the case! First on the list, go ahead and brown your meat. Drain and return to pan. Add taco seasoning & prepare according to package directions. Then go ahead and toss in your cream cheese, cover, and let it simmer until the cream cheese is melted. Mix it around til it’s nice & blended and then set it aside. You’ll wanna make sure this little mix has time to cool off before stuffing your shells.

In the meantime, cook your shells according to package directions. Drain, return to pot, and mix with butter. Pour some salsa in the bottom of a 9x13 baking dish.

Now stuff your shells with the meat mix and place them in the baking dish on top of the salsa. Cover the tops of the shells with taco sauce. I know the recipe called for a cup, but I just eyeballed it and put on as much…or as little…as I wanted :)

Cover the baking dish with foil and cook at 350 for 30 minutes. I failed to cover the shells…don’t make the same mistake!! It’ll make your shells all crunchy if you don’t cover them!!! Remove from oven, uncover, and sprinkle crushed tortilla chips and the cheeses on top of the shells. Cook for about 15 more minutes {uncovered} or until cheeses are all melted.

Remove from oven and top with whatever makes your little heart happy. We topped ours with sour cream and green onions….YUMMO!!!!

LOVE IT!!!!

Recipe from here

Maddie's bed

After my last post I was asked if I had bumpers in Maddie's bed..and the answer is yes. I didnt know any better.

A few week before Maddie went to heaven I read a blog about a baby who got suffocated in her bumpers. That night I ran to Toys R US ,bought breathable bumpers and put them in her bed. No, they are not as pretty I knew I needed to change them.

Maddie was at the babysitters house in a pack n' play when she passed away. I was told that she was in the middle on the pack n' play when they found her. So, suffocation was never the even thought of as her cause of death.

I feel so strongly about educating moms (and dads) about bumpers because I didn't know they are a no no.

Remember: The best practice is NO bumpers at all. If you feel like you need them buy ONLY the breathable ones.

Finally someone is listening!!!!

Finally someone is listening..

Chicago has BANNED crib bumpers!!!

Mayor Rahm Emanuel's City Council approved an ordinance Thursday to ban the sale of crib bumper pads in Chicago.

Ald. James Balcer (11th) and Ald. George Cardenas (12th) sponsored the ordinance, which also passed a City Council panel this week.

"If we can help save a baby's life, it's so important," Balcer said. "If you listen to the testimony, there are folks who have lost their newborn children. ... We as a city council have to take that responsibility, and if it's endangering the lives of constituents, you have to do something."

Crib bumper pads, designed to protect infants from a crib's wooden slats, have come under fire for the dangers of suffocating infants.

Balcer said it's the job of the Council as a legislative body to protect people, but some members criticized the proposed ordinance, saying it's the parents' job to choose what's right for their children.

Cardenas said the potential danger of the bumpers was reason enough to bring it to a vote.

"We still have a responsibility at the end of the day," Cardenas said. "We're not regulators, but we feel it's our responsibility to let parents know that it's an issue, and in the city, we're going to take action."

Source: http://www.nbcchicago.com/blogs/ward-room/Crib-Bumper-Pad-Ban-Goes-Before-City-Council-129448818.html#ixzz1XPAeYeRa

I pray that other cities follow Chicago and ban them to!

( I am feeling better. I hope to get back to my regular blogging tomorrow!!!)

Sick!

Sorry I haven't updated. I am sick! I thought it was just allergies, but I guess not. If you didnt know we live in Texas and there are many wild fires around us (not close). You can see and smell the smoke and I think it is really getting to me. But, I wanted to let yall know we are ok. I am just sick. Please pray for all the families being affected by the devastating fires. Hopefully I can get to feeling better soon!

My Grief Wish List

MY GRIEF WISH LIST (I found this today and it is SO fitting)

.....I wish you would not be afraid to speak my loved one’s name. They lived and were important and I need to hear their name.

......If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my loved one, I wish you knew that it isn’t because you have hurt me: the fact they have died has caused my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.

......I wish you wouldn’t let my loved one die again by removing from your home his pictures, artwork or other remembrances.

......I will have emotional highs and lows, up and down. I wish you wouldn’t think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or that if I have a bad day, I need psychiatric counseling.

.....I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you wouldn’t compare it to your loss of a parent, a spouse or a pet.

....Being a bereaved person is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t stay away from me.
I wish you knew all the crazy grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration and hopelessness and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.

.....I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics I will never be ‘cured’ or a ‘formerly bereaved’, but forever a ‘recovering’ from my bereavement.

....I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a lot of illness and be accident prone, all of which are related to my grief.

.....Our loved one’s birthday, the anniversary of her death and the holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you could tell me that you are thinking about them on these days and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about them and don’t try to coerce us into being cheerful.

.....I wish you wouldn’t offer to take me out for a drink, or to a party. This is just a temporary crutch and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have to hurt before I can heal.

....I wish you understood that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my loved one died and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to ‘my old self’, you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me: maybe you will still like me.

Wow..

My birthday turned out to be great. I told myself I was going to have a great day and I did!!!!!

I want to say thank you to everyone...Yall are amazing! I read so many sweet blogs about Maddie . I was a bawling mess from all the sweet messages I read. I tried really hard to post a comment on everyone's blog. I am sorry if i missed you.But, I must say I have the most amazing readers. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

Maddie

Maddie, today is mommies birthday and all I want is you back.. but I know that's not possible. So, today mommie asked her friends to give her the 2nd best gift I could receive...to remember you!

You are our Princess who got her wings way too soon!

Oh Maddiebug I miss you so much!!!

I miss your hands..



I miss your smile..



I miss your toes..


I miss your eyes..


I miss everything about you!




One day we will be together again forever. Until then I will live my live beacuse you Maddie made me the woman I am today. I love you!!!