The waiting game...

James and I are so excited about next Wednesday.

I don't know about him but I can barely contain myself!!

I cant wait to scream what Gummy is.

I won't be 16 weeks when they do my ultrasound ( 15 weeks 5 days), but they promised me they would try. I am going to drink juice before I go, so hopefully Gummy with be very active.

We are going to have a little get together to tell friends and family the gender! Nothing big.. Not anything like Maddie's gender reveal party. But, it's going to be speical. Maddie will be a big part of it!

I have been meaning to blog about our Christmas decorations but I am still SO tired. I will try and do that tomorrow. I think our house looks great, and it was easier to decorate then I thought.

14 weeks

Video Blog...

14 weeks... Bump Update and James' hair up date..

(I was getting a little emotional at the end...)

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving.

Today I am thankful for my Maddiegirl. She has brought me so much happiness in the 4 short months she was here. She has made me the woman I am today. Maddie has taught me what true love is. She is also changing the world.

Wow, can you believe a little princess is leaving such a huge impact! She is truly amazing!

This is Maddie last year on Thanksgiving..
(Yes, I know she is sleeping with a blanket and there are lots of stuff that are wrong, but I didn't know! If I only knew back then. That's why I feel like I HAVE to educate my readers!)

Look at her in her Turkey shirt I made her.. Isn't she so sweet?

Oh how I miss her!

Maddie we miss you and are thinking about you so much today. Happy Thanksgiving baby.

Tomorrow

I am actually happy about Thanksgiving. What pregnant woman wouldn't be? TONS of DELICIOUS food and family! What fun!!!

I am not to nervous about it for some reason. I know I'm going to miss Maddie. I do every day. But, I am at peace with it. I think it really helped that my family are so supportive. Her pictures are still hung proudly at my grandparents, parents and friends homes. Everyone loves her and no one will ever forget! She is a part of me and I know she will be there. (Tomorrow I may not be saying this... I hope I can keep it together)....

I am making a new recipe for Thanksgiving!

Have you ever been to Ruth's Chris? OMG! It's my FAVORITE fancy place to go. They have the BEST sweet potatoes.

Guess what? I found the recipe!!!

Look at this.....
YUMMY!!!!!!!!

Here is the recipe if you are interested. I am making a double batch!!

Ruth's Chris Sweet Potatoes
(Printable Recipe)
Source: Ruth's Chris

Crust:
1 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup flour
1 cup chopped pecans
1/3 cup butter, melted

Combine brown sugar, flour, nuts and butter in mixing bowl. Set aside.

Sweet Potato Mixture
3 cups cooked and mashed sweet potatoes
1 cup sugar
½ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs, well beaten
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted
(splash of milk if needed)

Note: To cook sweet potatoes first wash and dry them carefully then you can either: 1) Bake them at 400 degrees for 50-60 minutes 2) Boil them for 30 minutes or 3) Pierce them with a fork and microwave them for about 15-20 minutes.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spray a medium-size casserole dish with nonstick spray.

Combine sweet potatoes, sugar, salt, vanilla, eggs and butter in a large mixing bowl in the order listed. Beat thoroughly with a hand mixer for about 3-4 minutes to increase the fluffiness of the sweet potato mixture. Add a splash of milk if needed and mix.

Pour mixture into the baking dish. Bake for 25 minutes. At this point, dish can be covered and refrigerated for a couple of days.

Sprinkle the surface of the sweet potato mixture evenly with the crust mixture and return to oven for 10 minutes. Allow to set at least 30 minutes before serving.
The brown sugar and pecan crust should be slightly browned and crunchy. Makes 12 servings. !

Big News!

I scheduled my gender ultra sound!

It's December 7th and it can't come fast enough!!


Get your votes in soon!! It'll be here quick!!

A little make over...

I was really tired of looking at the side of our fridge. It looked like this:
Yuk!....Clutter. It just really bothered me! (Yes, that is a lingerie shower invitation. I should of taken that off before I took the picture huh?..Ha..Oh well!)

So James and I went off to Lowes to fix it!

We bought 1 section of sheet metal. You can find it in the plumbing section. (We looked everywhere for it. I had NO clue what it was called)

James measured the inside of my cabinet and he cut the sheet metal to fit right inside! (Don't get me to measure because it'll never fit!)

I used the 3M damage-free strips to hang it in the cabinet just in case I hate it one day. I figured glued would be messy!

The metal sheet board is magnetic! So, I took all the stuff off the fridge. I stored some of the old stuff and re-organized. It's nice because you can hide all your take out menus, cleaning lists you never use lol ect.

So, now it looks like this....All nice and organized!
Now I am thinking about doing it on another one of my cabinets, but for spices!

9 months

Today is 9 months since I last held my precious little girl. 9 months since I kissed her head, tickled her, gave her a bath, or changed her diaper. My list could go on and on.



Today I just miss her.

I want to hold her. I want to smell her. I really want to rock her.

I honestly can't believe I have "made" it this long without her. I think talking to her every day really helps me. I know she is with me. I can feel her. I just know.

I love you and miss you so much Maddiebug girl. There is not a day that goes by that I dont think about you.

Gummy Update

I had a doctors appointment yesterday.

Gummy is doing GREAT. He/She is measuring 1 weeks ahead at 13 weeks. He/she has all five fingers are toes. My doctor said the head is growing great and the baby looks WONDERFUL!!! The heartbeat was 160.

I am SO excited about this baby. I think he/she will bring James and I a lot of joy.

As for me. I am scared to type this but, I have been feeling MUCH better. I am not nearly as sick to my stomach. I am still very tired, but I am THRILLED to be feeling better! I will post another belly picture soon!!

I *think* I have been feeling gummy move especially when I am laying down. I know its early , but I know that it feels like. He/She was wiggling away on the ultra sound yesterday, so its possible!

11 tips for beginner photographers

I have been asked many times to share some tips about photography.

Seriously guys I just took my camera out and started messing with it. I was REALLY confused until I took MeRah's phoitography class. She is amazing. If you can- take her class!!!

But in the mean time...

I was reading on digital-photography-school.com and found a great article. Check it out!

Here are 11 tips for beginner photographers:

1. Don’t go crazy buying the most expensive equipment right away.

It’s possible to get very nice photos with an inexpensive point and shoot. The more photos you take, the more you’ll know about what kind of camera to get when it’s time to upgrade. Plus, you can erase them if you are bad!

2. Consider a tripod.

On the other hand, an inexpensive tripod is worth getting, especially if you have shaky hands like mine. When I got a tripod, my satisfaction with my shots skyrocketed. For even more stability, use your camera’s timer function with a tripod.

3. Keep your camera with you all the time.

Photo ops often come when you least expect it. If you can keep your equipment relatively simple – just a small camera bag and a tripod – you might be able to take advantage of some of those unexpected opportunities. Or, if your phone has a camera, use it to take “notes” on scenes you’d like to return to with your regular camera.

4. Make a list of shots you’d like to get.

For those times you can’t carry your camera around, keep a small notebook to jot down places you’d like to come back and photograph. Make sure to note any important details, like the lighting, so you can come back at the same time of day or when the weather’s right.

5. Don’t overlook mundane subjects for photography.

You might not see anything interesting to photograph in your living room or your backyard, but try looking at familiar surroundings with fresh eyes. You might catch an interesting trick of the light or find some unexpected wildflowers in your yard. Often a simple subject makes the best shot.

6. Enjoy the learning process.

The best part of having a hobby like photography is never running out of things to learn. Inspiration is all around you. Look at everything with the eyes of a photographer and you’ll see opportunities you never noticed before.

7. Take advantage of free resources to learn.

Browse through Flickr or websites like the Digital Photography School Forum for inspiration and tips. Also, your local library probably has a wealth of books on all types of photography. If you’re interested in learning about post-processing, give free software like the GIMP a try.

8. Experiment with your camera’s settings.

Your point and shoot may be more flexible and powerful than you know. Read the manual for help deciphering all those little symbols. As you explore, try shooting your subjects with multiple settings to learn what effects you like. When you’re looking at your photos on a computer, you can check the EXIF data (usually in the file’s properties) to recall the settings you used.

9. Learn the basic rules.

The amount of information about photography online can be overwhelming. Start with a few articles on composition. Be open to what more experienced photographers have to say about technique. You have to know the rules before you can break them.

10. Take photos regularly.

Try to photograph something every day. If you can’t do that, make sure you take time to practice regularly, so you don’t forget what you’ve learned. An excellent way to motivate yourself is by doing the weekly assignments in the DPS Forum.

11. Don’t be afraid to experiment.

If you’re using a digital camera, the cost of errors is free. Go crazy – you might end up with something you like. You’ll certainly learn a lot in the process.

Read more: http://www.digital-photography-school.com/11-tips-for-beginner-photographers#ixzz1dP4WrruL

Some things I have learned..

Tonight I was thinking about some things I have learned in my grief process:

- Keep trying, or keep dying - the choice is yours. Really it is. Losing someone is hard. You can sit in misery forever or try learn coping skills and keep trying to become the new you. Me, I have choose to keep trying. I am trying to live through this horrible time with dignity and grace. I am trying to spread SIDS awareness. I am trying to be a better wife, friend and mom. So, I choose to TRY...the choice is yours.

- Laughter is good medicine. It is not a betrayal. Laughter does make everything better. It really does. It feels good to laugh. I am not betraying Maddie just because I am laughing, believe me I still miss her even when I am happy! But, we all deserve to be happy!

-Grief is personal and it is also never ending. This is SO true! EVERYONE grieves differently. There is NO right way or NO wrong way. I never even thought about this until Maddie passed away. I was one of "those" that thought.. OMG why would they do that? There _____ just died! But, now I TOTALLY get it! Do what you need to do to grieve, and DON'T apologize for it.
I think the hardest things about this whole journey is to know that I will never stop grieving Maddie. I will never stop missing her until the day I join her in heaven. Time does not heal all wounds. Whoever thought of that has never lost someone they love. I think over time you just learn how to "cope" with your grief. You put your grief into other things. You learn how to talk about it. It just becomes a part of you.

-Just because I am having another baby doesn't mean I will forget Maddie. I think maybe in the beginning (0-4 months) it may hard...very hard. I am sure this baby will look like Maddie and I am going to long for Maddie again. But, I have to remember Gummy is not Maddie, but he/she was sent here from Maddie and God to remind me how special life is. I deserve to be a mom of a baby on earth and this is my second chance.

-A friend who won't walk with you in sorrow, doesn't deserve to dance with you in joy. I had a few "friends" who wouldn't talk to me after Maddie died. Not a WORD! As soon as I posted I was pregnant again I get the "OMG congratulations.... When are you due....Do you want to go shopping?". I know after Maddie passed away people didnt know "what to say" ...but there is no "right" things to say. That does not excuse people from saying nothing at all. I was floored by the silence of people who I thought were my friends. Total strangers had more to say then some. "I am thinking about you", or " love you". That's all I ever wanted. Just not to be ignored. Then...... after announcing my great news"they" come running back to me? Ummmm, NO! Sorry. (Off my soap box sorry!)

-Having a big support system is KEY to healing. I have had SO much support from family and friends (I include my blog family as friends). There is NO way I could of made it this far in my journey with out ya'll. Thanks so much for being there for me. Even tho I may not of "met" most of you,you have helped me more then you will ever know.

Bump Alert

Here it is...

Gummy and I..

11 weeks 4 days.....

Enjoy!

Gummy update

Sorry I haven't posted any belly pictures yet.

As you know I got sick with the stomach bug and really haven't felt great since.

All day sickness has really got me down for the count.

All I do is go to work, come home exhausted, cook dinner and I'm asleep by 8. This time change is really working for me! :)

I go back to the doctor next week. So hopefully I can post some more gummy pictures then.

Until now here is some info about my gummy:

Pregnancy: Week 11

Your Baby
All of your baby's vital organs are now formed and functioning, so the risk of defects decreases this week as your baby becomes less susceptible to outside influences. Phew! Other exciting developments include:

Baby's ears are assuming their proper place this week and the fingernail and toenail beds are beginning to form. Your little "pumpkin head" really lives up to his nickname as his head is nearly as big as the rest of his body.

While testes or ovaries are completely formed now, don't start decorating the nursery. You won't be able to see your baby's gender for a few more weeks yet.

Your baby is really on the move now. In an ultrasound you might be able to see your little acrobat flailing his or her arms and legs and doing somersaults worthy of Cirque du Soleil. You still won't be able to feel any movement, so if you feel something "kick" in there, it's probably gas.

In the next nine weeks, your baby will increase 30 times in weight and almost triple in length. You might feel like you're increasing 30 times in weight at this point, too, but we can assure you're not—because, honey, you ain't seen nothin' yet!

Your baby now weighs a third of an ounce, about the same as two small, Starbucks-sized packets of sugar, is about 2 inches long, the length of one of those sugar packets. Isn't that sweet?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have been having a hard time finding gummy's heartbeat this week. "She" is VERY fast. I can find it for a few seconds then its gone in a flash. Right now she is so little and moves so quick its hard! Here are the heart beats on the times I found her: 180, 167, 170.

Are you sure you don't want to change your guess? :)

Christmas

Wednesday I was at Hobby Lobby walking down the isle and BAM I hear it...

Christmas music..

**insert tears here**

I am not ready for Christmas without my Maddiegirl. Christmas was the first holiday were she was old enough to stay awake through most of it and know what was going on.

I remember so much about last Christmas. It just wont be the same without her.



James and I wanted to start a new tradition of buying new pj's for each other and opening them on Christmas Eve night so we could sleep in them(pre-washed of course).
I remember waking up Christmas morning all three of us in our new pj's opening Maddie's gifts from Santa.


James bought her some really cute pink sparkley sneakers and we put them on her over her pj's. I don't think she really liked it.


I also bought her a holiday barbie. I was going to get her one each year and when she was older give them all to her. I still have that barbie in our guest bedroom :(.

Santa brought Maddie a "happy bear". She loved that bear. It sang and light up. She would always look at it and smile and just watch the lights. I brought happy bear everywhere with us. It always calmed her down when she was upset. Well happy bear is still with Maddie resting with her in her "spot".

I remember taking our first family picture at my moms house in front of her Christmas tree. James and I were so proud to take that picture.


How are we going to do this? How are we going to make it? It's going to be so hard. Christmas time is supposed to be a happy time, but all I want to do is cry.



My dear friend Crystal sent me this poem. It made me so sad and then I smiled.

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below
With tiny lights like Heaven's stairs,
reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away the tear,
For I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear,
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away,
We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above,
I sent you each a memory
of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift
more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important
in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,
as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessings or love
He has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and
wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

My Doppler

I have had so many people ask about my doppler, so I thought I would make a post about it.

I really thought about renting one, but they really aren't that expensive.

I bought the Sonoline B Fetal Doppler.

It comes with a little tube of gel and batteries.

I purchased it from here

I am really impressed at how good it works. I picked up the babies heart beat at 10 weeks. Believe me it did take some time to find but it worked!! I definitely recommend this doppler, but buy an extra thing of gel. You will need it!!!

Better

Gummy and I are doing a lot better.

I went back to work today and sanitized my whole class. :)

I also bought a doppler. I found gummy's heart beat quick! It was 164-170 the whole time. I will post a video of it when it gets easier to find!

I'm kinda sad. I lost my baby bump while I was so sick. I hope it comes back!

Halloween was hard last night. I missed Maddie so much! My mom bought Maddie a costume last year on sale to wear this Halloween. So, I went in her room to get it. I had to look at it. Guess what? I didnt cry! It was the first time in her room in a long time that I didnt cry. I look at her cute little pumpkin outfit and put it away.

I think I am actually getting a little bit stronger.