Friday, October 26, 2012

Big poofy dresses

I was in Target the other day walking through the baby clothes to try and get to the diapers and I saw them.... big, poofy, glittery baby girl Christmas dresses.
Ugh.
It felt like someone stabbed me in my heart.
Christmas time is so hard. Last year it was impossible.  Everything reminds me that my Princess is gone...her stocking, our Christmas tree, her reindeer foot print, big glittery poofy dresses.... everything.
Maddie was here for Christmas. It's one of the great memories I have of her. I remember taking one of our first family pictures in front of the Christmas tree with her.
I just miss her. I want her back!!
I know this year will be easier. Jackson is here and we will make new memories.
But, for now I will say clear of big poofy Christmas dresses. 


Thursday, October 25, 2012

My sweet little Jackson

I finally bought a new picture editor so I can finally share some pictures!!

Enjoy the cuteness!!

 Jackson 3 months old. Who is that baby? He looks so different now.

 Around 3 months old. Jackson sitting in his favorite spot...his swing


 Around 3 months.. The last of the fohawk
 Playing with daddy
 Go Texans!!!
 Watching TV in his bumbo

 At his 4 month birthday (Nana's house)
 GO Texans!!!
 I like girls with big bows!!


 5 months 13 days pumpkin patch pictures!


 Jackson and his Mimi



Wednesday, October 24, 2012

My heart hurts

My heart hurts.
 My best friends MeeMaw passed away. 
She is hurting..so I am hurting. 


I never got the pleasure of meeting her, but from the stories I have heard she was an amazing woman. She is going to be missed tremendously.

Love you Cathereine!
 If we could visit heaven we would be the first ones in line. I'm here for you!! 

Please pray for the Harrison family during this time of loss.


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Levi

Meet Levi. Isn't he cute? He is one of Jackson's distant cousins. Sweet Levi is in need of many prayers. Here is his story:
 
(Photo by Robyn's Photography)
 
Levi was born 11.14.2011 with End Stage Renal Disease. This means that his entire renal system (bladder, kidney, ureter and urethra) don't work together like they should. He also has just one kidney, and it has hydronephrosis, the swelling of the kidney due to urine backup. It also operates with stage 4 Vesicoureteric reflux, this is the back flow of urine from the bladder back up to the kidney. Because of all of this Levi takes a bunch of medicines each day and requires a lot of doctors visits, a feeding tube, blood work, and surgeries. Eventually, he will have to have a (couple) of kidney transplants in order to survive into adulthood.  

Right now Levi is in the hospital due to problems with his feeding tube. Levi has a long road ahead of him with all the surgeries he will need.  

Please pray for this little guy. He is one tough little man, but every prayer will help!! 

Thank you all so much!

His mommy's blog can be found here

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Adorable


Look at this cutie!!! I took Jackson to the pumpkin patch Saturday and we did a little photoshoot. That little stinker would not smile! It was SO fun tho!!!


How cute are these onesies from Remington's Rad Designs? SO cute!!!

Jackson has many cute onesies from Remington's Rad Designs! I love their work. It's cute, professional and makes my little dude so handsome!

Guess WHAT?!? They are offering my readers 15% off of all orders until Next Sunday, October 28th!

All you have to do is head on over to their web page. Pick out all the cuteness you want. Add it to your cart and then type "15percent" into the discount coupon box!

You only have 1 more week to get your Thanksgiving orders in. So head on over and get your discount!




And here is a funny one... HAHAHA. I love this picture. It's priceless!



Maddie's 2nd Birthday

We had a grand celebration for Maddie's Birthday. I combined her birthday and Jackson's 5 month birthday into one BIG celebration of my little miracles.


I ordered a ladybug cake and it turned out PERFECT!!

It was raining on and off that day so in a stretch of no rain we released ladybugs. There were TONS of them!!!

We all chatted and had a yummy lunch.  It was a wonderful day celebrating my loves. It was hard as I expected but easier then last year. 

Friday, October 19, 2012

Maddie we love you!

Jackson loves his big sister. I just know he does. We talk about Maddie everyday. When I show him a picture of her he reaches out and tries to touch it.


James and I think Jackson's first word will be "Maddie" since we talk about her so much.

We love you Maddiegirl. Miss you so much!!!

  I took this picture today during our morning cuddle and chat about big sister.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The joruney of Jackson's band...

Yesterday I took Jackson back to the neurologist. They rescanned his head in a 3d scanner, took measurements and we waited..and we waited and we waited. James couldn't make it so it was just Jackson and I. I didn't get any fun pictures of him being scanned or anything.
I was wrong.... his head last time was 13mm off this time his head is 15mm off. The neurologist said it does "look" better because his flat side isn't so flat BUT he has a huge bulge in the right on the back of his head. He says that is could possibly get better on his own and we could chance not helmeting him but it doesn't think it would. So it's kind of a do it now or never type of thing.

I talked to the helmet people yesterday. In Houston we only have the Starband which is not the band I wanted but what can you do? The representative was very nice and was super impressed that I have done so much research on them. Right now we are waiting to see how much our insurance will pay (hopefully some.. I'm praying for 100%- yeah right!). After they talk to the insurance he will be fitted and we will start. I asked how long he thought Jackson would  be in it and he said it really just depends on his head growth. He said most kids are in them for 3-6 months.

Here is his head. See the bulge on the right?? I can't let my baby keep this head like this. It does look a lot better but not good!!!


So there is it I knew it was coming. I was already for the news. I am ok with it. I really am. Maddie just wanted me to have something to decorate to put on Jackson's head. :)

So now  I need help.....Of course I am going to decorate his band!!! Someone suggested Bling Your Band. its a really neat store for decals..but I have to be original. I want to make up my own saying for the back of his band. I have an idea in my head but I want to know your ideas..... Go check out Bling your band page tell her "another day stronger" sent you and tell me what you think!!

Oh I almost forgot.. They weighed and measured Mr. Jackson yesterday....He weighs 17.5pounds (67%) , 26.5 inches long-I'm not sure this is right. He was 26.75 at 4 months (72%), his head is 42.5 (30%) BIG boy!!!

Monday, October 15, 2012

October 15th

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Today is the day we remember all the babies that left this earth way to soon. My Maddiegirl is one of those babies. At just 4 months and 3 days old we will never know why it was her time. She was just perfect in every aspect, to perfect for this world.

It's been almost 2 years and not a minute goes by that I don't miss her. The day she passed away apart of me died too. She was my everything..my little girl..my princess.

Jackson has helped regrown my heart tremendously. He is the reason we keep going on. He is also perfect. I swear  he is his sisters twin. They act the same, look the same and I'm sure they know each other! A few nights ago Jackson was swinging and all of the sudden he starts smiling and laughing as loud as ever. He did this for a good 5 minutes. I know it was Maddie. She came to visit her brother and make him laugh.

Infant loss is real. I am the face of it. It's not anything anyone wants to talk about, but it's real. It really happens. I never in a million years thought it would happen to me..EVER. But, here I am living in this dream I cant wake up from. I hope blogging and telling our story can help save lives and spread awareness. Thank you all for sticking by my side through the sad time and the happy times.

I want to share some steps you can take to reduce the risk of SIDS (remember you can not TOTALLY prevent SIDS. We were doing all of these and still lost Maddie):

1. Back to sleep: Infants should be placed for sleep in a supine position (wholly on the back) for every sleep. Side sleeping is not as safe as supine sleeping and is not advised.
NOTE:
The side position has in general been considered less effective than supine because it is less stable, and some infants rolling from the side will end up sleeping prone. The only specific and objective data in this regard was reported at the June International Conference by Peter Fleming (Avon, UK). He reported that the relative risk of SIDS when sleeping on the side is double the risk of SIDS when sleeping supine. We do not currently have any data on this question in the U.S.; nevertheless, I am in full agreement that we should recommend only the supine position for sleeping. That is, although side appears to be much better than prone, it is not as effective as supine sleeping. I hope this is helpful.
Carl E. Hunt, M.D.
Toledo/Washington D.C.
2. Use a firm sleep surface: Soft materials or objects such as pillows, quilts, comforters, or sheepskins should not be placed under a sleeping infant. A firm crib mattress, covered by a sheet, is the recommended sleeping surface.

3. Keep soft objects and loose bedding out of the crib: Soft objects such as pillows, quilts, comforters, sheepskins, stuffed toys, and other soft objects should be kept out of an infant’s sleeping environment.  Another strategy is to use sleep clothing with no other covering over the infant or infant sleep sacks that are designed to keep the infant warm without the possible hazard of head covering.

4. Do not smoke during pregnancy: Maternal smoking during pregnancy has emerged as a major risk factor in almost every epidemiologic study of SIDS. Smoke in the infant’s environment after birth has emerged as a separate risk factor in a few studies, although separating this variable from maternal smoking before birth is problematic. Avoiding an infant’s exposure to second- hand smoke is advisable for numerous reasons in addition to SIDS risk.

5. A separate but proximate sleeping environment is recommended: The risk of SIDS has been shown to be reduced when the infant sleeps in the same room as the mother. A crib, bassinet, or cradle that conforms to the safety standards of the Consumer Product Safety Commission and ASTM (formerly the American Society for Testing and Materials) is recommended. “Co-sleepers” (infant beds that attach to the mother’s bed) provide easy access for the mother to the infant, especially for breastfeeding, but safety standards for these devices have not yet been established by the Consumer Product Safety Commission. Although bed-sharing rates are increasing in the United States for a number of reasons, including facilitation of breastfeeding, the task force concludes that the evidence is growing that bed sharing, as practiced in the United States and other Western countries, is more hazardous than the infant sleeping on a separate sleep surface and, therefore, recommends that infants not bed share during sleep. Infants may be brought into bed for nursing or comforting but should be returned to their own crib or bassinet when the parent is ready to return to sleep. The infant should not be brought into bed when the parent is excessively tired or using medications or substances that could impair his or her alertness. The task force recommends that the infant’s crib or bassinet be placed in the parents’ bedroom, which, when placed close to their bed, will allow for more convenient breastfeeding and contact. Infants should not bed share with other children. Because it is very dangerous to sleep with an infant on a couch or armchair, no one should sleep with an infant on these surfaces.

6. Consider offering a pacifier at nap time and bedtime: Although the mechanism is not known, the reduced risk of SIDS associated with pacifier use during sleep is compelling, and the evidence that pacifier use inhibits breastfeeding or causes later dental complications is not. Until evidence dictates otherwise, the task force recommends use of a pacifier throughout the first year of life according to the following procedures:
• The pacifier should be used when placing the infant down for sleep and not be reinserted once the infant falls asleep. If the infant refuses the pacifier, he or she should not be forced to take it.

• Pacifiers should not be coated in any sweet solution.

• Pacifiers should be cleaned often and replaced regularly.

• For breastfed infants, delay pacifier introduction until 1 month of age to ensure that breastfeeding is firmly established.
7. Avoid overheating: The infant should be lightly clothed for sleep, and the bedroom temperature should be kept comfortable for a lightly clothed adult. Overbundling should be avoided, and the infant should not feel hot to the touch.

Taken from Reduce SIDS





Tonight at 7pm (in all time zones) please light a candle for Maddie. Keep it burning for 1 hour so we can have a continuous wave of light. If you would like to post a picture of your candle head on over to our Facebook page. I'd love to see them! (Remembering our babies).


Sunday, October 14, 2012

Happy 2nd Birthday Maddie!

Maddie,

Happy 2nd Birthday!!!



I wish you were here running around in your pink tu-tu and tiara. I wish you were all jazzed up on sugar and not wanting to go to bed. I wish you had a million new bows and wanted to wear them all. I wish I could hug, kiss you and sing happy birthday to you. I wish you were here!!

I missed you so much today. I hate doing this without you, but I know you were here. Not physically here, but you were here.Thank you for flying next to me today. You knew mommy needed you and you were right there.

I hope you saw all the ladybugs we sent you today. It was amazing seeing them all flying away.

I love you to the moon and back.

Love,
Mommy

Friday, October 12, 2012

A simple laugh.

Yesterday was hard....like really hard.

Thursday's are physical therapy days, so off we went. We were in the lobby waiting (because I'm always early everywhere  I go). Jackson was in the stroller and I was just talking to him. Then he did it again...he laughed. It was the best sound I have ever heard. Simple laughter. It made my heart smile so big. We sat in the lobby and laughed until it was time for therapy. I tried to get it on video but every time I took my camera out he was totally fascinated by the pink glitter. I'll catch it on video soon and post it.

Jackson melts my heart. Each day I fall more and more in love with him. He is such a blessing to have in our lives. Now he just needs to stop growing up so fast!

I love you Jackson bear.



Thursday, October 11, 2012

Does it get any easier?

Today was a hard day.
It was a tornado type of day.
Came out of nowhere...hit..and it hit hard.

It may be the lack of sleep  no sleep I got last night, but when I woke up and I was missing my girl. I wanted her. I needed to kiss her, to hug her, to love on her but she isn't here.

I hate this. I feel like a broken record saying that, but I do and I always will. I HATE THIS! It's ok to scream it right??

I'm trying to be happy for Maddie and Jackson's party but I'm just not. I'm sad. I put off getting the cake until this week. I e-mailed our cake lady and begged her to fit us in. Lucky she had a light week and it all just worked out. I forgot to mention we are doing Maddie's birthday and Jackson's 5 month birthday together. I wanted it to be fun and a celebration of our babies. I am really trying for it to be.

I'm not sure any of this made any sense. I am just tired and I miss my baby girl.


I love you Maddie. Mommy misses you so much!!!



5 months old



Jackson,
   You are 5 months old (this is a few days late). Your little personality is really starting to shine. You have really started to "talk" and you even did a real laugh at daddy on your 5 month birthday. You thought it was so  funny that he pulled the ramps down off the trailer. I was holding you and I thought you started crying, but nope it was a REAL laugh. I will remember that day forever.
  Jackson you are getting so strong. You reached 4 out of 7 goals in PT. Ms. Leslie, your PT, said you are flying through this torticollis stuff. You would really love to sit up if you could. You try so hard but just fall forward. Ms. Leslie showed me how to teach you to roll. We have been working on it, and you are doing great! You can roll from your back to your belly but you can not figure out how to roll from your belly to your back. Tummy time is going better also. You will tolerate it for 2-3 minutes at a time (our goal is 5).
  We hit a rough patch about 3 weeks ago so sleeping through the night hasn't been happening. I am not sure if you were teething or just cranky but that stage is going away.  You are very attached to mommy. You do not like strangers to talk or look at you (or you will scream).
  You are a daddy's boy. You love when daddy comes home from work. You smile so big and you always talk to him. I just love seeing you together.
 
You are:
-17.5 pounds and 26 inches long
-in a size 3 diaper
-in mostly 9 month oneises. Some 6 months still fit but you are just so long!
-in 9 month pj's but they are getting to short. 
-eating up a storm 5-6oz every 2.5-3 hours
-eating mostly formula but mommy is still pumping. You drink 2 breastmilk bottles a day.
-you NOT a napper. We have had many fits over being so tired! You just love to be awake and see whats going on. We are working together on getting you to take naps.

Jackson I love you so much. Your smile brightens my day! You are such a joy to be around. I am so lucky to spend each and everyday with you!!

XOXO,

Mommy

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Family Pictures without my Princess

Family pictures....It's usually something a mom loves to do. Freeze a moment in time with their perfect family....not this mom. I was very hesitant to have them taken. Don't get me wrong I LOVE to take pictures of Jackson, but to take a picture of our family when one of our family members cant be seen...hurts.

Friday I woke up feeling a bit off. My  whole body was  hurting and I felt like I was just out of it. I took my temperature and I had a low grade fever..99.5. I had some last minute errands to run so I took some medication and made myself go do them. I almost called my James and told him to come home that's how bad I felt.

I knew we had to take pictures no matter what because the deposit was already paid.  I tried all day to get Jackson to nap so he would wouldn't be tired (that was an EPIC fail!). Tired, run down, exhausted, emotional and hot we headed out to take family pictures.

Jackson was super cranky because he refuses to nap. (No nap Jack is BACK!!)  I have tried it all. (I'll save that discussion for another post). So after about 10 minutes he was OVER taking pictures. I tried to put on his news boys hat for just 1 cute shot. Well that unleashed the beast. HA. He was MAD!! So pictures ended soon after. (I love my Jackson bear so much but he has a temper on him :)

I have been stressing out lately I wanted to include Maddie in our pictures some how but just couldn't figure out how. I asked Beth, our photographer,  her ideas and she suggested bringing pink balloons. I think that was a brilliant idea!

So here it is... The one shot I have seen so far...
I bet you can't tell I was sick and Jackson was cranky.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Maddie's Birthday Plans

I want to remind everyone that we are going to release Lady Bugs for Maddie's Birthday on Sunday, October 14th.

,

Here is the link to our Facebook page. I would love to see your Maddiebug pictures if you would like to share them!!

I am going to order my Lady Bugs from here.. I hope to get them by Friday and stick them in the fridge until Sunday. I know you can buy them locally in many cities too.


I want to thank everyone again for your on going support. I promise I am still going to post. Jackson is not napping and I just cant find time. 

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

October

October always pulls at my heart strings......

Many people know that October is the nationally recognized month of Breast Cancer Awareness.  Most do not know that it is also the nationally recognized month of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. October 15th was then envisioned as a day for families and friends to come together to remember and honor babies who left this world too soon.  You can visit the official site of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance.

It makes me upset that the media does not share this with the world. This topic is still very "taboo". I understand that breast cancer awareness is important..very important, but so is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. But, I'm here to speak it. I'm here to share awareness.

October is so bittersweet it is also the month that my sweet Maddiegirl was born. In just 12 short days Maddie should be 2 years old. My heart hurts so bad. I wish she were here!  I wonder what she would look like, how many bows she would have now, how her voice would sound, would she still have red hair?, would she be tall?, what would her favorite foods be?, would she love her little brother? The list goes on and on. 

But, the truth is she is not here. We need to spread awareness about SIDS and pregnancy loss. If you would like to share awareness please blog about  Infant and Pregnancy loss. You may also link my blog and share my story. Thanks so much!


LinkWithin

Photobucket
Using images by Laurie Ann at After 5 Designs and The Design Girl at ScrapMatters.