Spring for SIDS

Today is Spring for SIDS day!

Our whole school is decked out in pink for our princess Maddie.

I also know thousands of other people are decked out in pink too.

I want to tell everyone thank you again for all the support. Thank you for donating item to the auction, bidding, or buying a sticker. So far we have raised $6,785.40 just in online donations. When I get the final total I will post that.

I talked to Maddie this morning on the way to school. I told her to watch everyone from above today. There will be a sea of pink for her and Macie.

I love talking to Maddie on the way to work. I tell her that that daddy and I love and miss her so so so so so much! I know she is listening. I just wish I could see her.

Tomorrow...

Don't forge to wear pink tomorrow 4-29 (and a bow) in honor of Maddie and Spring for SIDS!

My shoes

Someone send me this poem and I couldn't of wrote it better myself..

My shoes...

I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.. Yet, I continue to wear them. I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes. To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off. I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some women are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so that they don't hurt quite so much. Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt. No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am.. I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Reduce SIDS

Are you having a baby? Do you know someone who is having a baby? Do you have an infant? If so please read...

Let's get this information out!!!!

At this time SIDS can not be "prevented", but we can teach people how to reduce the risk of SIDS:

1. Back to sleep- NEVER place a baby in a crib on their stomach!

2.Use a firm sleep surface

3. Keep soft objects and loose bedding out of the crib (blankets, stuffed animals ect..)

4. DO NOT USE BUMPERS (if you choose to do so..use breathable ones only!)

5. Do not smoke during pregnancy - Do not let your infant be around smoke at all!

6.A separate but proximate sleeping environment is recommended

7. Consider offering a pacifier at nap time and bedtime

8.Avoid overheating- Install a ceiling fan in the babies room. Put it on low.

9.Encourage “tummy time” when the infant is awake and observed.

Why 4 months?

Lisa told me another family lost their beautiful 4 month daughter to SIDS..

So my question is why 4 months? What happens at (and around) 4 months? That's when I have read that a lot of babies pass from SIDS.

I am putting together my own research because WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHY THIS HAPPENS!!!!
- It cant be shots... Maddie's shot were all split up.. She didn't get her 4 month shots before she passed away.
- Most research says it happens more to boys.. almost every story I hear its a girl (not all)
- Maddie was not breastfed (she was on sot formula tho) ( They say it happens to bottle and breast).
-Maddie had colic, but it was going away!!
- She was always hot.. does that have anything to do with it??

What CAN it be??? I just don't understand why this happens. IT HAS TO STOP.. This is 2011, they can cure cancer but NOT find what causes SIDS!!!

GRRRRRR... It aggravates me..

"New research from a team led by a Children's Hospital Boston neuropathologist sheds light on a possible biological cause, pinpointing a defect in the brain "....They are linking SIDS to low serotonin levels. "Kinney had previously found differences related to serotonin receptors in SIDS babies' brainstems, but it was not clear whether there was too much or too little of the neurotransmitter that sends signals between nerve cells. An unanswered question was whether the serotonin was there and the babies' brains were unable to use it."
(That was taken from this article)

If they know that then why can't they figure out how to see if your baby will have low serotonin levels?

Why cant they figure out how to treat this...

It just hurts... How does this happen to a normal, happy, healthy baby?

Madison Paige Photography...

Saturday I took my best friend, Catherine's maternity/family pictures! They turned out SUPER cute!!

Love you girl. Can't wait to meet chase!!!!

Easter..

Who ever thought we would be celebrating Easter at the cemetery? Defiantly not us!

Today was hard...but with James by my side we made it!

I decided today I was going to start couponing again..to take my mind off of today. I haven't use coupons since Maddie passed away....that remind me of her (like most things do). We have to start saving money, because I am going to be a stay at home mom some day! I am not going to get all crazy like those extreme couponing ladies on TLC. I don t think we need 56 bottles of mustard. he he

So, this morning I woke up with a goal... Get a newspaper, make a grocery list and go save money and go see our precious baby girl.

Well part of my plan didn't work out so well. James and I got up went to the store and got a paper. I was SOOOO excited ( I just love coupons). We got home with the paper so I could make my grocery lists (yes, more then one). ...and there was NO coupons in the paper!!!! BOO!!!!!!!!
I did get to look at the store ads, so it wasn't a total bust.

After my sad coupon let down .. I made Maddie and Easter bow. It wasn't the kind of bow I wanted to make you see. I made her a bow for her flower vase for her grave, not for he beautiful strawberry blond hair. At least I feel like I got to do something for her. It turned out so bueatiful!

Maddie's Nana and Popsicles also got her a pretty wreath (but I couldn't get it in the picture).

Going to her grave today was hard, but I felt like she was there. She knows we love her so much. I am so grateful that I can still feel her presence. I hope I can forever. I know she will always live in our hearts but I love when I feel like she was around.

Happy First Easter baby girl. Mommy and Daddy love you so much!

How Life Really Works

Church was great yesterday. James and I felt like the pastor was speaking straight to us...and guess what I didn't cry the whole time.. only some of the time :)

We made a great choice going on Friday. James didn't really want to go, but I knew we needed to and I'm SO glad we did!

The message was about borrowed time. This message really hit James and I. What God gives you is just borrowed from Him, we never know when the time will be up. ...when it is, that's it.

Maddie was only here with us for 4 months and 3 days, then her time was up. He needed her back. She did what she was supposed to do on this Earth. She has touched thousands of lives, so many that I am sure it could be more. She has helped mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunts uncles, even children take a step back and cherish every second of their lives.

I am proud of Maddie. She has accomplished something in 4 short months that some people never get to do in all the their lives.

The other part of his message was about Luke 19:20-26 ... "Risk your life and get more then you EVER dreamed of. Play it safe and end up holding the bag.." This reassures me what I am doing after Maddie passed away (such as: blogging, spread SIDS awareness, making bows, taking pictures, being proactive in telling parents about child safety...) is just that...risking my self (our story) to spread awareness. I don't want to play it safe anymore. I don't want to be stuck "holding the bag".

As James said "At the end of the service our pastor did something that I have never seen or heard of. They passed the offering bucket back around to everyone and had every person take an envelope out of it. In this envelope there was a five dollar bill. He said with this five dollar bill I want each and everyone of you to go out and make a difference."...impact someone's life. I know just what I want to do I am just waiting to confirm the details. I really can't wait to share them with you.. Maddie would be SO proud!

Today we really do feel another day stronger.

Love this picture of Maddie and Daddy!

Easter

I made it through Easter break at work..just a small goal I had set for my self.

We had lots of learning fun yesterday in Mrs. Staats Kindergarten class. During one of our activities one of my students saw a picture of Maddie and she said, "Your baby is dead!". I wanted to be mad or bust out in tears..but I didn't. The truth is, she is gone...but she will always be a part of me. So I think I did good yesterday. I felt like I really had a great day...and it was even Thursday!!!

Today is good Friday and we are off of school. James is also off of work.We love spending time together and I think it's a much needed long weekend! I am planning on getting some blocks made. Michelle and her son are coming over and my mom is coming to meet her. Then Sunday its Easter...and it makes me sad. Maddie should be wearing her new Easter outfit with a cute little bow and matching shoes...but the truth is she won't be. She isn't here any more. She is with God. I know he has her all dolled up for Easter. I think James and I are going to go to church tonight. We think it may be easier then on Sunday. I just really dont think I can handle seeing all the little girls in their Easter dresses.

I wonder what Maddie looks like today with her beautiful angel wing and strawberry blonde hair... I can only imagine how stunning she is.

This is a cute picture of Maddie from Christmas!

Thanks

Today I am happy. I just think its going to be a great day.

My wonderful hubby posted a blog. He is such an amazing man!!! He is my rock, he keep me going. Go read it!

I was nominated as a mother who is "running on empty" to go to Me Ra Koh's Running on Empty Seattle Conference! I want nothing more then to go to this conference and to learn all of the wonderful things she has to share. You all are right tho, I am running on empty...but knowing I could have this amazing opportunity makes me smile. I want to soak up as much knowledge about photography as I can to make Madison so proud of her mommy! So, thank you to everyone who have nominated me. I truly am so happy!

Also, I am soooooooo excited about team M. I will update when I know our new totals. Thank you to everyone who has donated items for the auction or money! We ARE helping to find a cure for SIDS!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes..

Sometimes I don't know if I can take this feeling any longer. Emptiness, loneliness, the long to feel Maddie's sweet touch again..but then I realize I HAVE to...for her, for James, for me, and for our future children. Don't think I would do anything stupid.. This feeling just hurts. I want to wake up for this horrible dream!!

I have been struggling with the fact that I'm still a mom, but I really don't feel like it. Yes, I do go and decorate Maddie's grave..I talk to her all day... but I can't physically take care of her and it hurts. It's almost like she is my mom. She is in heaven taking care of me. When I need a hug the wind blows. When I need to know she is still around her face appears in the clouds. When I am having a hard day a lady bug will land on my arm. Maddie is taking care of me. I just wish I could take care of her....I am really struggling with this, but I am doing the best I can. I am keeping her memory alive. I am trying to hold on.

Everyone asks me , "How are you doing?". I usually say , "I'm ok"..but I want to scream..."How do you think I'm doing? I am missing half my heart. I am barely hanging on...but I'm here".

I am just waiting for time to ease my pain.

This picture was taken just a few days before Maddie went to heaven.

I wish...

Maddie,
There are so many things I wish I could tell you or show you....
I wish....

-You were still here
-I could hug and kiss you again
-I wish I could still hear your cry
-I wish I still felt like a "real" mom.
-I could feed you a bottle
-I could proudly wear your throw up stains
-You were in your bed right now and I was was watching you on the monitor
- You were able to wear all of your bows
-You got to wear the onesies I made you
-You could of wore the Christmas dress Daddy bought you
- I got to feed you with a spoon
-I could smell you
- I could hear your laugh
-I could change your diaper
-I could give you a bath
- I could see you take your first steps
-I could of thrown you a 1st birthday
-I could hear your first words (What would they be? Mommy?)
-I could of been your best friend
-I could of see you fall in love
-I could of taken you to find a wedding dress
-You could know all about a mothers love
-You could be a 4th generation teacher
-I never had to take you to the babysitters
-I would of kissed you 1 more time that morning
-Daddy would of kissed you that morning (I'm sorry baby I feel like that's my fault!!!!)
- Daddy could of walked you down the isle
- Your future siblings could meet you
-You saw Mimi, Gigi, OG, POPS, Nonny, Nana, Popsicles, Grandma, and Grandpa just 1 more time
-We could go swimming this summer
- You could of pulled Bella's hair!
-I could of told you 1 more time that I love you
- They would of let us see you in the hospital
- I didnt have to be in this horrible "club"
-You could of buried me NOT me bury you. :(
-Heaven had a phone
- They didnt make caskets that small
-We knew what caused SIDS and how to prevent it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I simply wish just 1 more day with you!!!

Love,
Mommy

Today...

Today is a new day and a much better day. I woke up feeling optimistic. Good things are in our future, I just know it. I wish I knew what they were...but I know they are coming. We have a precious guardian angel watching over us. She wants us to be happy :)

I am excited to announce we have 29 days of school left, but who's counting? :)
That means in 29 more school days until I can start making more bows and blocks and really start my photography business.

I am also excited that this weekend I get the pleasure of taking Catherine's maternity pictures. It's my first "real" photo shoot...boy am I nervous! Good thing its my best friend!!!

I miss these toes..

Love you sweet girl..

Somethings..

Somethings just really make me sad! I can be in a GREAT mood, see something and start crying out of no where. I am sure this will happen for a while, but yesterday it hit me hard. I was fine...in a good mood and then I saw a baby the same age as Maddie and lost it. I love babies and I am so happy for friends that are pregnant. There is no better feeling then the love of a child I want to fast forward this part of the part of grieving, but I know that wont help.

I was watching the OWN network the other day. The new show, "Addicted to food" was on. This is what it is about "In this riveting new docu-series, eight people battle their addiction to the one thing they literally can't live without: food. At Shades of Hope, a rural Texas treatment center, these desperate clients struggle through an intense 42-day treatment plan led by maverick therapist Tennie McCarty. Using unorthodox methods and a tough-love approach, Tennie asks her clients to confront the painful issues in their lives that have led them to use food as an escape. Full of drama, emotion and triumph, Addicted to Food shows us that recovery is possible even for people who fear their lives are hopeless." The lead therapist Tennie McCarty was telling her clients they must confront and recognize their problem before they can start to crawl over the hump to recovery. Now I know I don't have an addiction, but I feel like this advise refers to me and the grieving process..For a long time I didnt want to belive Maddie was really gone, but that is not reality. She is gone and now that I am begenning to accept that I can slowly start to crawl over the hill into happiness. Some days I do not want to believe that she is gone, and that is when I need to remind myself of what Tennie McCarty said....but that is easier said then done.

I also started thinking about Mother's Day :(...I want to skip that holiday. I know I will always be Maddie's mommy, but I dont feel like a mom any more and that hruts :(.
My friend Michelle and I are going to celebrate International Babies Lost Mothers Day on May 1st. We are going to have a girls day and go get mani's and pedi's and try to make it a fun day.


(Just a little business to take care of Daphne I neede to to e-mail me :))

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner.. :)

Thanks everyone for entering the E-Mealz giveaway... Here are my 2 winners!!

45…

Daphne

whisteriansky.blogspot.com

70..

Valene Marie

valenemarie.blogspot.com

Thanks and a GIVEAWAY!!

Thank you everyone who wished Maddie a happy 1/2 birthday. Yesterday was hard, but with all the support and prayers from everyone we made it through!








Remember how I told you I LOVED E-Mealz????

It's so EASY. All you have to do is log on and print your grocery list (and meal plan for the week). How much easier can it get?? (ok if they has a chef come cook it too- that would be awesome!!!!)



Well they contacted me and want to give away...............

2 of my wonderful bloggy friends will win a FREE three month subscription!!!!

They also are offering a 10% off code which is: stronger

Click on the button below and go check them out!!!



Here is how you can enter:
-You get 1 entry for going to the website and leaving a comment telling me if you win which plan you would choose. ( We have the Meal Plan for Two Any Store) AND....
-You get another entry for blogging about this giveaway please link your blog in your comment.

So MAX 2 entry's per person.

This giveaway ends....
SUNDAY at 5 CST

GOOD LUCK!!!!

and remember if you don't win you can always get 10% off with the code: stronger

Amazing!

Today we sent off balloons to Maddie for the 1/2 birthday...I even wrote her a little message..






After we released them I took a picture of them very high in the air.. I posted it on my business page and look what everyone pointed out.... Maddie's face!

Someone added her photo behind the clouds..Do you see her now??

Oh sweet little girl.. You are always watching over us.. We just know it!! :)

Maddie Video

This video was taken just a few days before Maddie went to heaven.

We love you Maddiebug. Happy 1/2 birthday!

6 months

Today Maddie would of been 6 months old. I wonder what she would look like now.. Probably BIG..Maddie sure did love to eat. We were going to start her on cereal the week after she passed away. You could not fill that girl up. She was eating 8 oz bottles at night the week she went to be with Jesus.

I don't like to think about the things she would be doing or what I am missing out on. It just makes me sad!

So today we will celebrate our beautiful angels life! I want to write down things I remember about her:
- She loved to laugh...(only at mommy) he he
-Her crooked smile would melt your heart.
- Maddie LOVED to eat!!!
-She loved her swaddle blanket- they were best friends
- She let her personality shine. If she was not happy she would show you!
-Maddie loved to sit in her bouncer and just watch James or I.
- Maddie was a "talker". We loved talking to each other. She had a lot to tell us.
- I tried offering Maddie toys many times but she was never interested. I think she was just to young.
-Maddie wore gloves for months. She would scratch her face off if I didn't put them on. We eventually found out she has eczema. Poor girl. She did make those gloves look GOOD!!!
-Maddie was such a happy girl the last few weeks before she went to heaven. I will never forget her happy face!!!

Happy 6 months baby girl. Mommy and Daddy love you!!

Support..

Tonight I am going to my first support group meeting. I am nervous, scared, anxious and excited. All of the moms in my group have lost an infant 0-24 months so they know this horrible feeling.

Hopefully today I can learn that time will help heal this hole in my heart. Hopefully I will learn first hand that it is ok to love another baby. Madison will always be apart of our family. Her sisters or brothers (to come) will know about her!! I will make sure she will never be forgotten!

I am so glad I am going to get all this support tonight, because tomorrow I will need it! Tomorrow is a day I was so happy about just a few short weeks ago. I told James I was going to start planning her 1 year birthday when she turned 6 months. Now, we will have to plan her 1 year birthday at the cemetery. This hurts my heart.




Here is a picture that Angel Babies; Names in the Sand took! It's in Hawaii...and I LOVE IT!

Trying to become the new me..

I used to love cooking and posting recipes on my blog..So, in becoming the new me I would like to post some recipes again.

Have you heard of the Pioneer Woman? She is a DIVA! She can do it all..cook, photography, teach and so much more. I was on her blog the other day and saw this YUMMY recipe

My Brother’s Chicken Tacos

Prep Time: 10 Minutes | Cook Time: 30 Minutes | Difficulty: Intermediate | Servings: 8

Ingredients

• 16 whole Corn Tortillas (small Size)
• 4 whole Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breasts, Cut Into Pieces
• Salt, Cumin, Chili Powder To Taste (or Use Taco Seasoning)
• 2 Tablespoons Canola Oil
• 2 cans (4 Ounce) Diced Green Chilies
• 1-½ cup Finely Grated Cheese (cheddar Or Cheddar/jack Mix)
• Sour Cream
• Hot Sauce (Chulula Or Other Brand)
• 2 cups Thinly Sliced Romaine Lettuce (or Any Lettuce)
• 4 whole Roma Tomatoes, Diced
• Canola Oil, For Frying Tacos

Preparation Instructions

*Be careful frying with hot oil!*

Season diced chicken liberally. Heat 2 tablespoons oil in large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the chicken and cook for a couple of minutes. Dump in the diced green chilies. Stir and cook until chicken is totally done inside. Turn off heat and set aside.

Have all other ingredients—grated cheese, sliced lettuce, diced tomato, sour cream, and hot sauce—ready.

Also have a plate ready, as well as a stack of five or six paper towels to hold in your hand.

TO FRY

To fry the tacos, heat a couple of inches of canola oil in a heavy skillet over medium-high. Place some chicken in the middle of a tortilla, then fold tortilla in half. Clamp the tortilla shut with a pair of heat-proof metal tongs, then carefully lay the taco—one side down—in the oil. As you lay it in the oil, use the tongs to hold the top side down for a few seconds to form it in place. Once it stays put, repeat with two other tacos. Turn tacos after 30 to 45 seconds, or when each side gets light golden brown (not too brown.)

One at a time, remove tacos from the pan with tongs, holding sideways as you remove them to allow oil to drip out of the sides. Place the taco in the stack of paper towels. Fold the sides and corners around the taco to tightly hold it, then give it three or four shakes to remove excess oil. Remove it from the paper towels and place on a plate. Repeat with other tacos in the pan.

As you continue frying the other tacos, have someone carefully place some grated cheese inside the tops of the tacos (gently pry them open just enough to place the cheese in). Then just let them sit until ready to serve—the cheese will melt as it sits in the warm taco.

To serve, garnish in this order: a smear of sour cream, dashes of hot sauce, shredded lettuce, diced tomato. You’ll need to slightly open up the tops of the tacos to get all the garnishes in there.

Tacos will be hot for a minute or two after frying, so don’t rush into eating! They’ll stay nice and warm for a little while after frying.

Let me just tell you EVERYTHING I have ever made from her site is YUMMMMMMY! I want to make it sooooo bad!

Don't forget The Team M auction starts Thursday!!!

A lifetime of love

Today as I sit at my desk and look at this collage of Maddie. I KNOW she got a lifetime of love in 4 short months. We have so many great memories with our Maddiebug.

Don't get me wrong, James and I would do ANYTHING just to see our Maddie again...but I feel like we did a lot with her in4 months. I also took so many pictures. Michelle and I were joking about being a "momarazzi". I took pictures all the time....and I am sooooooo glad I did!!! Our next child is going to think I am insane. I will take at least one picture a day. I am sure I will take more then just 1 a day, but this is my goal. I challenge you to this. Try to take one picture a day. Trust me you will look back one day and thank me! :)

It's getting closer to Thursday and I am getting nervous. I just don't want this day to come. I'm trying to be as positive as I can. I want this to be a happy day. So, on Thursday I am going to wear pink and try to put a smile on my face. I want to remember our Princess and be happy.

A baby Maddiebug

Today James and I took Maddie's Easter basket to her grave. I wanted her to have it before Easter. I know that things do not do "well" in the weather, but how could I not of bought her an Easter bunny and basket? It is her first Easter. I bought it the other day at Hobby Lobby, the day I had a break down. I really liked the bunny and I am sure Maddie does too.

It still hurts going to her grave. I cry every time. It still feels like she is just at my moms house and we can go pick her up anytime, but that's not true. I think this is so hard because her death was very unexpected. Maddie was so happy the last morning I dropped her off at the babysitters house. I wish I would of kissed her more and told her I loved her a few more times. But, I know she knows…I tell her that a million times a day.

They put a temporary marker on her grave. When I saw it I gasped. This means it's real. I hate seeing her death date. I hate even saying those words. But, I'm glad there is a marker there. Maddie deserves that.

The last time I saw a lady bug was on the playground when Maddie came to visit (a few weeks ago). Well we saw one today, on Maddie's flowers. I bent down to fix them and this is what I saw.... a baby Maddiebug! It was so little and cute. My tears stopped for a minute and I smiled. Maddie knows just when to show up, right when we need her!
This Thursday is going to be VERY hard..It is Maddie's 6 month birthday. Please pray extra hard for us that day.

Galveston

Today we went to Galveston for James' moms birthday!! When we left Houston is was sunny and beautiful, but when we got to Galveston is was VERY cloudy and yukkie. We ate lunch at Rain forest Cafe and wrote some baby angel names in the sand. I tried to use my new lens, but it was VERY dark and I really need to get an external flash...but that's going to have to wait! I will post picture tomorrow of our trip..

Here is a pic I took on my phone.

I have lots to do tomorrow. I am making some boy items for the auction... Can't wait to show you!!!!

Sweet friends.

I have met so many sweet friends from this tragic event in my life. So many people have sent us encouraging letters, Facebook messages, and e-mails (which I still haven't read all of them yet.. SORRY). We are so luck to have so much support lifting us up.

A really sweet lady named Michelle e-mailed me in February. We talked many times through e-mail, then text and now on the phone (and HeyTell). Unfortunately she is in the same "club" that neither of us ever wanted to join. Her daughter, AnnaKathryn was 6.5 months old when she went to be with Jesus. She also passed from SIDS. A strange coincidence both of our little girls had bedding from Sofia’s Bedding. AK's was the same pattern as Maddie's but in the pink and brown. I thought that was weird. Michelle has been such a great friend to me. She has been there for me through the very hard first few weeks (and beyond). Michelle lives in Houston thankfully so when we need each other we are just a few minutes away.

I just know our little girls are playing together in heaven. Michelle and I have a feeling they brought us together because they are such great friends, and now we are great friends.I bet AnnaKathryn is showing Maddie around, being the "big sister". I am so glad I have such great friends all around me to turn to when I am having a bad day, or when I just need to have some fun. Thank you Michelle for helping me through all these hard times, its nice to talk to someone who has unfortunately "been there" too.

Michelle and I have been on a "lunch date" and we text each other daily, but our husbands have never met. But, that's all abut to change...tonight we are all going out to dinner on a double date! We are all very excited. It's so very comforting to know a couple who has been through this and they are still very much in love!

Sweet AnnaKathryn

Michelle

Hopefully tonight we can get a pictures of all 4 of us on our double date :)

I SOOOOO excited I am going to go look at new camera lenses tomorrow!!!! WOOO HOOO!!!!!! Madison Paige Photography is on its way...More to come on that soon... :)

Michelle doe not have a blog..even tho I totally think she should start one!!!

Thursdays

I despise Thursday's. They hurt...BAD. 7 weeks ago today our Maddie got her angel wings. I hate that I know how long it has been. What I really hate is what I realized this morning..Next Thursday (a yukie day already) is the 14th. That means Maddie would of been 6months old. I don't even want to think about what I am going to be missing out on...what she would of been doing, or looked like. I am going to try my hardest to be positive that day and rejoice in the fact that James and I had 4 very happy months with her. God knew she was not going to be on this earth very long and he knew she needed to have lots of love while she was here, so he picked James and I to be her parents. HE knew we would give her a life time of love in just 4 short months. So, really we are the lucky ones. We were chosen by God to be the parents of a beautiful angel. An angel that is inspiring me and her daddy to do great things in this world.

So, today (and every Thursday) is a hard day....but we can do this. We were chosen from God, he knew we could do this!

We miss you Maddiebug!

I'm excited!!!!

I (no WE) did it. With LOTS of help we have made a Team M auction. (This is the link)

Here are the details:
-We are accepting donations today-April12th.
-Any donation is acceptable (yes even boy stuff)
-Please e-mail TeamMdonations@gmail.com with your donations. Include starting bid, Company name, a picture, and if you are willing to pay shipping for this item.
-ALL money raised will be donated to SPRING FOR SIDS in team M's name (in Maddie and Macie's name)
-The auction will be held April 14th (Maddie's 6 month birthday)- April 16th.
I want to say a spacial thank you to Barbara Schooley for putting this auction together!!! I also want to say thank you to everyone for donating precious items!

I also want to say thank you to everyone for donating precious items!

____________________________________________________________________
I want to share another fundraiser with you. My friends Ashley and Carrie are doing a Scentsy fundraiser for the Angelman Syndrome Foundation.

Here is a little bit about Angelman Syndrome:

Angelman Syndrome (AS) is a neuro-genetic disorder that occurs in 1 in 15,000 live births. AS is often misdiagnosed as cerebral palsy or autism. Characteristics of AS include; developmental delay, lack of speech, seizures, and walking and balance disorders. Individuals with Angelman Syndrome will require life-long care.

Here is their fundraiser info:

Austin’s Army (Ashley's son's team) is ready to step up the fundraising! We are hosting an online party with Scentsy Independent Consultant Carrie Ibrahim to offer you some fabulous products while raising money and awareness for the Angelman Syndrome Foundation.

Scentsy is a wickless, smokeless, SAFE alternative to candles. No flame, no smoke, no soot. There are over 80 scents to choose from and a variety of warmers* to suit your décor. We carry room sprays and scents for your car or child’s room, too!

There are several ways you can participate.

1. If you are outside of Houston or would like your purchases shipped directly to you, please visit www.carrieibrahim.scentsy.us and click on the Angelman Foundation Fundraiser- Austin’s Army.

2. There is also a direct link to take you to the Fundraiser’s party page: Angelman Foundation Fundraiser- Austin’s Army. Please share this with all your friends and family!

To learn more about Angelman Syndrome, please visit http://www.angelman.org/. To donate directly to Austin’s Army for the Walk-a-Thon, please visit http://www.angelman.org/austinsarmy1/ .

Together we can make this the best year yet!

Ashley and Carrie

Please go check out their page. If you do not have Scentsy products-GET SOME. They are AWESOME!!!

..And if our God is for us then who could ever stop us??

I have really been loving this song...



Today was a better day. I woke up missing Maddie, but I talked to her and I felt better.

I did so great today. No tears only happy thought about Maddie and my family.

I went to the store after work to get some craft stuff and I saw Easter decorations. I know it's time to get stuff for Maddie...so I prepared myself. I thought, "It's going to be ok. Maddie needs Easter decorations on her grave. She deserves it. I deserve to be able to decorate it for her!" So I slowly walked down the Easter isle. But the worst question I was thinking is... "How do you decorate a grave anyways?". I walked up and down the isle just wishing I didn't have to decorate her grave. Why can't she be here? I want to take picture of her in her Easter outfit. I quickly picked something out and talked my self out of falling apart in the middle of the store. As I turned around to find a register I saw this...



ladybug magnets. I knew I had to get them!!! I tried to hurry through the check out so I could get to my car and let it all out....and that's exactly what I did. I cried and cried and cried. I don't think this will ever be easy. Holiday will ALWAYS be hard! But this one stings. It hurts REALLY BAD!

This weekend we are going to go put Maddie's Easter basket on her grave. I hope she loves it!

How can this be?

Today started off bad and it just got worse.

I woke up, got out of bed (that is a struggle in it's self) then went to put my pants in the dryer...right next to the laundry room is Maddie's room. Not even thinking I started walking towards her room like I did every morning for 4 months then I realized she wasn't going to be in there. I wanted her to be in her room SO BAD! Why can't I wake up from this nightmare? This plain SUCKS!!! I told my self to be strong, I was just tired and not thinking straight. So, I pulled my self together and started getting ready for work.

It was a great morning, afternoon is when it got bad. I was walking down the hallway at school when I big kid asked me , "Are you that teacher who's baby is dead?" EXCUSE ME??? That's what I wanted to say. I mean how do you answer that question? This child knew better he was not one of my students, he was a big kid! I was actually kind of mad. How can you really ask someone.. "Hey are you that lady with the dead baby..." I just didn't know what to even say.

This afternoon after school I got on Facebook and realized someone was posting horrible stuff about me. I was hurt. It stung, because none of it was true. I will not go into what was said but I am appalled that people would write such harsh things. I guess that person has never buried a child before!!

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Here I am with Maddie. She is just 10 days old. Oh, what I wouldn't do to go back to those days!!!!! Mommy misses you so much today Maddiebug.

Maddie came to visit Daddy

Maddie came to visit Daddy...

Yesterday, I was in the middle of finishing a bow. I sat it on our formal dining room table and went to Catherine's baby shower. James picked it up and sat it down on a picture of him and Maddie that we are waiting to frame. He didn't even look when he sat down my bow.

This morning when I got up I was going to finish the bow I looked down and this is what I saw...
How amazing! It's exactly right on her head. I did not move it at all. Maddie is at it again. She is showing us she is around. She loves us, I can feel it. I know she is here. Look at what bow it is too LADYBUGS!!! I may finish this bow and put this print in a shadow bow just like this.

We always called Maddie, "Maddiebug" before.. Now I know why :)

Maddiebug, Daddy and I love you! Thanks for showing us you are still around.

My MaddieBug

Maddie is always there when I need her the most.

Today I went to my best friend, Catherine's baby shower. I wanted to go. I needed to be there t0 support her..but I also knew it was going to be hard.

I got upset in the beginning when everyone was getting there. I tried so hard not to cry. It was Catherine's day...I needed to be strong. I needed to be a best friend and hold my self together. I held back my tears as long as I could, then I had to cry.

I got up quickly so I didn't make a scene. Catherine, my sweet friend, followed me in gave me a big hug. It's times like these when you really know who your friends are. It was her baby shower and here I am crying and she is giving me a hug. She is so sweet. I went into the restroom to pull my self together and Catherine went back to the party. Soon after Catherine comes back into the bathroom. Her mother-in law who came in from outside had a ladybug on her shirt. Catherine brought it into the bathroom and showed me. Maddie came just when I needed her the most. The funny thing is the ladybug was not a deep red like I have seen them many times. It was pink. It WAS my Maddie. How could you not smile after seeing that. She knew I needed her and there she was...my Maddiebug!

Maddie came to visit me today!

I always tell my students at recess to go find me ladybugs…they remind me of Maddie. They have not been out this week due to the weather changes. My students hunted and hunted but didn’t find any ladybugs all week. Today at recess a lady bug landed on my hand. I walked over to show my co-work my "Maddiebug" and she flew away. We watched Maddiebug fly away high in the sky back to heaven..it was surreal. That was Maddie I just know it. She was just coming to say hi.

Please go read my Stepping Forward blog..

and

Don't forget to donate to Team M!

Stepping Forward

Stepping toward the future…

Thousands of families, across hundreds of countries, from every race, creed, and social status have walked the path that SIDS has laid before them. History shows us that nature will always bring us joys and sorrows; each experience showing us who we truly are—compassionate, joyful, sympathetic, emotional, empathetic, curious, endearing, faithful, hopeful, and loving.

“…faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” (I Corinthians 13:13).

As we lovingly move forward toward bringing awareness about SIDS, carrying comfort to those who have been touched by its power, and nurturing hope for future generations we must bear in mind that our actions are what makes the difference in our world.

Gathering together to spread the awareness of SIDS has led to the creation of The SIDS Awareness Halo Bracelet designed by Mama Bracelets. The time for action lies within us all.

Purchasing this extraordinary bracelet will bring to you a constant reminder of the realities and hopes surrounding SIDS. When placed lovingly on your wrist, people may ask about its meaning and the awareness will continue.

The purchase of each SIDS Awareness Halo Bracelet will carry a 20% donation by Mama Bracelets to The American SIDS Institute in support of Team M and Maddie and Macie; but greater than this, the donation acts as a way to spread SIDS awareness.

Consider purchasing a bracelet for yourself, a loved one or a friend. Consider what you know about SIDS. Consider making a difference in our world.

To learn more visit:

· The Mama Bracelets webpage that features the SIDS Awareness HALO Bracelet:

· The Mama Bracelet Blog page to take a SIDS Quiz and be entered to win a $10.00 MB Gift Certificate:

To view this video in full screen, please click here