Slow cooker angel chicken

I tried this last Sunday and it was SO yummy!!!

I got this recipe from here

First things first... If you don't have Reynold's Slow Cooker liners..GO GET THEM NOW!!!!
They go right in your crock pot so after you are done with your meal you just throw them away... UMMMM HELLO EASY!!!!!!!

SLOW COOKER ANGEL CHICKEN

adapted from Cleverly Inspired

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 8oz. pkg. baby bella sliced mushrooms ( I didn't use mushroom.. James doesnt like them)

1 can condensed golden mushroom soup

1 stick of butter

1 pkg. dry Italian salad dressing mix

1/2 cup chicken broth

1/2 of an 8oz. tub of cream cheese spread with chive & onion

rice or pasta ( I choose pasta)

First things first…

Melt butter in a saucepan and add the Italian salad dressing packet. Stir in the soup, chicken broth, and cream cheese until it combines and melts.

Place the mushrooms on the bottom of your crock pot and place the chicken breasts on top.

Pour the sauce mix on top of the chicken, cover with lid, and cook on low for 5 hours!!!! ( I cooked mine for about 3.5 hours and it was done!!)

The Silver Diva

Do you remember when I posted about the ring I wanted to get with Maddie's name on it?

Well here it is...

It turned out AMAZING!!!! I love love love love it. I ordered it in a size 6 and it fits perfectly. I highly recommend their work.

Here is a little bit about them:
The Silver Diva creates handstamped jewelry for moms and families. They specialize in birth and maternity jewelry. The art of handstamping involves striking metal with steel stamps to create letters, words and designs. It's all done by hand, thus creating a unique one of a kind piece. Carrissa has owned The Silver Diva for 9 years and works out of her sunny studio on Bainbridge Island, WA.
Please go check out The Silver Diva or she has an Etsy page here.

The final piece

It's there.
It's beautiful.
This still isn't fair.

I will say that until the day we are together forever in heaven.

It was so hard going there and seeing it.

I just kept thinking...

This is for real.
She is gone..it says it there.
I hate this!

It all still feels like a bad bad dream.

We love you Maddie. We will NEVER forget you!

And here is comes..

I have been doing so good. I havent cried in over a week. I don't know if its because I have been so busy trying to get ready to go back to work or what , but I am proud of my self. But, then again it hurts. It hurts to know I haven't been sad. That this pain is now such a part of my life that I just have to live every day. I guess I am just getting "used to it". I don't want to get used to it. No mom should have to "get used to this". Ug it still makes me sick thinking about everything.


The other day I got a magazine sent to me. The whole magazine was babies first birthday party decor. When I saw it I gasped. It hurt. Was this a cruel joke? No, that company doesn't know the pain I am in. Most peoples babies don't die. I kept looking at this magazine. One part of me wanted to throw it away and another part of me wanted to look at it. So, I sat it on our counter and I looked at the cover every time I passed by. Finally I stopped open it looked at a few pages. One page had a really cute princess themed party. Then I thought why are you doing this to your self and I threw it away. That hurt. But, I didn't cry. I was strong. I talked to Maddie and kept on going with my day.

Well I said I haven't cried in over a week. Today is Saturday. I woke up after a long first week of school to a empty house. James is working so hard at his job to earn extra money for us. I am so lucky to have such a great husband. But, waking up on a Saturday alone is hard. I sat down to look at Facebook (because I really haven't all week) and it just hits me....BAM the tornado.. I get overwhelmed with sadness, and the tears start to fall. It hurts so bad. I just want her back!


My birthday is next week. People keep asking me what I want and it's a simple answer really.... I want my daughter back...but that's not possible. So, I guess really I just want people to remember my daughter. Her sweet face, strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, her tight fists, her beautiful smile. That's what I want. So maybe next week on my birthday ( September 1st) would you all be willing to make a blog post about my Maddie for me? For my birthday? Maybe you can post her sweet picture? Thank you all for your support. It really means a lot to me!

I'm still here..

I'm still here, but I'm exhausted. I always forget how hard the first weeks of school are. The rules, routines, procedures, restroom breaks, recess and lunch duty (no breaks..)..is so exhausting. I am so glad I cooked meals and froze them they really saved me this week.

Maddie's marker is now placed. James and I are going to see it this weekend. I will do a post about it soon. Please pray for us in this very difficult step. I am scared..very , very scared to see it.

Back to work and pictures

You may see me blogging a little less for a few weeks. I have officially gone back to work. I am so tired and they kids are not even there yet!! I guess it's to be expected when you get a 3 month vacation. I keep forgetting to take pictures of my classroom. I promise I will on Monday before the kids get there.


Yay, I finally get to post some pictures of sweet Savanna. Remember when I did a video blog about her photo shoot?

Isn't she just precious??

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

6 months

It has been 6 months since Maddie got her angel wings. It feels like an eternity ago. 6 months is a long time, but its a really long time when you are missing your daughter. Not a second in the day goes by that I am not thinking about her and missing her so much. Many days are still filled with lots and lots of tears.
The emptiness and pain is unbearable at times. Some times I wonder how I can make it another second without her. I wonder how I have lived 6 months without Maddie. Its been the worst 6 months of my life, but I'm still here. I know how I have done it.. with the support of my husband, family, friends and strangers. I honestly could not of made it this far without everyone reading this right now. I want to say thank you to everyone. Thank you for all the prayers, letters, e-mails, messages, cards, and comments. God is holding us up through all of this, and with everyone's support we have made it. We can keep living for our Maddie.
I hope the next 6 months are filled with more smiles, laughter and love. Maddie wants us to be happy.

I love you Maddie. Daddy and I miss you so so much. We can"t wait to see you again!

10 months

Today is "Maddie Day". I woke up this morning telling myself I was going to have a good day. I got up and made James and I pancakes. I didn't want to be sad, honestly I am tired of being sad. I know Maddie wants me to be happy, but my heart is still so broken. It's hard not to be sad.

I was doing good (no tears) until I found something in the kitchen when I was cleaning. I don't even remember what it was but all of the sudden I had a huge urge to go into Maddie's room...so I did. Then I started crying and I couldn't stop. Everything in her room reminds me of her and how much I miss her. I sat on her floor crying looking at her baby book thinking I will never get to fill in the rest of the pages. They will always remain blank. I will never know her favorite colors, favorite food, favorite hobbies, her hair color, which hand she writes with, when she would of taken her first steps, what her first words would of been and many other blanks that I will never get to fill in. I sat there and let my self cry for a while. I didn't want to go get James and make him upset, so I just sat with Bella. When I was ready I got up, wiped off my face walked out of her room and shut the door. Then I promised myself I was going to have a good day. James and I ran to Walmart and went to his parents house to eat hot dogs and watch Batman returns. Now I am ready and waiting for Big Brother ( have I mentioned its my favorite show he he).

It has really been hard lately with her birthday quickly approaching. I need to get some things together but I just feel so sad and can't bring my self to do it yet. I really want to do lanterns but its been so dry here lately I don't know if its such a great idea. I guess I can wait a few weeks and see if we get any rain.



Happy 10 months baby girl. I hope Jesus put a big bow on you today. Go bounce high on the clouds with AnnaKythryn, and Macie. Mommy and daddy love you so much.

Still no stone..

My mom and I went back to the cemetery today to see if they had placed Maddie's headstone. Not to my surprise it still was not there. Ug... I am getting frustrated. I just want it there already. I guess we need to call and really get on them about this.

After Maddie was born I never ordered her birth certificate. I just thought they sent you one. I filled out all that paper work at the hospital. No one told me I had to go on line and order one. I still have the paper work sitting on her dresser. I was going to get on line and do it, because I want one! A friend of mine (who is an angel mommy) did the same thing as me..forgot to order it and ordered hers after her daughter passed away. When she got it, it has DECEASED stamped over her beautiful birth certificate. This makes me sad. When she told me I wanted to punch someone. The one thing I wanted to remind me that Maddie was very much a part of this world will have the words deceased stamped all over it...let me throw up now!!! I know they do that so some sicko doesn't try and steal her identity. But, I'm her freaking mom. I want it to cherish, to remember and to heal. This hurts..bad! I don't know what to do. I'm so torn. I want her birth certificate but I don't want that stamp on it! I don't know what to do. I wish I could talk to someone and beg them not to stamp it. I would pay extra just to not have that stamp... but that isnt going to happen because my daughter is "deceased". What a world we live in.

It's real...

James and I went last weekend to the cemetery. The whole drive there I was preparing myself to see Maddie's headstone placed at her spot. Well, when we got there it was not there!! We stayed with Maddie for a while and then went in the funeral home to ask them where it was! I really didnt want to see it there, but I was told it was going to be there.. SO where is IT??

We knew it had come in and the granite had been broke. We were told it was going to be placed on a temporary piece of granite until hers came in. Well, they just didn't do it. We were told they were waiting for the real deal then it would be placed. They asked us if we wanted to see it anyways. We said yes.

As soon as I saw it I burst into tears. It has her name, and the poem James wrote on it but it also have her picture and let me tell you a baby does not belong on a headstone. It's beautiful it really is, but I shouldn't be looking at my baby girls marker!!!

We stood for a while looking at it crying and realizing it really is real. This is the final piece to the worst ,and ugliest puzzle of our life.

I am going to go again this week to make sure it really is there. I will take pictures then. Thanks for all the prayers.

Back to school

I have back to school on my mind..

I was over at eighteen25 looking around I saw some of the CUTEST teachers gifts. I would LOVE to start the year off with something like this:




They also have some cute FREE downloadable lunch kit LOVE notes:

Those ideas are just so darn CUTE!! Go here to visit their site!!

Sinking..

Yesterday I was at work all day so I was unable to get a video blog together. I feel like I am slacking on them and I'm sorry.

I only have 1 more week of summer then it's back to work. I really have had NO energy to do anything lately. I guess that's why I haven't blogged.

I have been missing Maddie so much recently I can hardly breathe. Everywhere I go I see something and it reminds me that she is gone. Its either something I see or something I hear or something that is being discussed! Maybe its because we are coming up on her 6 month angelversary. 6 months...really.. UG.. I want to throw up now that I have typed those words. It still hurts just as bad as the day we got the "news". I thought I was doing better but I guess I am stuck in one of those tornado's again.

This weekend James and I are going to go see Maddie's head stone. I am glad we didn't go the other weekend because the funeral home called and said when they laid out her marker the first time the granite broke. They told us they will re order her granite but it will take 2 weeks. Right now her head stone is there but on the wrong piece of granite for now. I cant even imagine if we went and I saw her granite broke. I would of totally lost it. Please pray for us. When we go this time it is going to be so hard. I am petrified. But, we need to go for Maddie to make sure her spot is beautiful!

Mason's Cause Auction

The Mason's Cause Auction starts today. Please go over to their Facebook page and bid.
Remember all money goes to their grant program to help families with funeral costs. I will be bidding! See you there!

And then it hits you..

I have been trying hard to adjust to my new life. It's something that I can't really explain unless you are in the unfortunate "angel mommy" club. Everything you thought you knew about yourself it totally different now. The simplest things just seem so hard now.

When I see other babies I smile and think of my precious Maddie. I must admit. I am proud of myself, I have come a LONG way. I used to FREAK out when I saw another babies. But today I got chocked up. I was at a used book store looking for easy readers for my classroom (which if you have any VERY easy level A/1, B/2 readers I would love them!!) and there was a little girl she was "talking" (mumbling), singing and reading books. When I saw her I did the same thing I usually do..think Aww she is cute. Then it hit me. I should be doing that with Maddie. She should be here reading books with me! I should be at this store buying books for her! Then I got sad, mad and frustrated! I couldn't stay in that store for very long. I couldn't hear that little girl so happy with her mommy when I was screaming inside. I quickly found the books (not many) that I was looking for and left!

I miss her so much! I cried on the way home and told Maddie I just want to see her again. I pray that I see her in my dreams tonight. I pray that she can hear me when I am talking to her.

I guess today is just one of those days. I will make it through but its hard.


Maddiebug I miss you so much Princess. Come visit me tonight!!

I feel like I NEED to share this

SAFETY ALERT

Crib Bumper Pads Pose a Suffocation,
Strangulation & Choking Hazard for Babies

Do not use crib bumpers in cribs, bassinets
and other sleep environments.

What You Need to Know

-Due to their lack of strength and motor development, infants may suffocate, choke and/or become strangled in a crib bumper.

-The American Academy of Pediatrics, Kids in Danger, American SIDS Institute, SIDS of Illinois, and the Canadian Health Department all warn parents not to use crib bumpers.

-The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is re-examining the safety of crib bumpers.

This is from KeepingBabiesSafe.org

I know some mommies (me included) choose to use the breathable bumpers. The BEST and SAFEST way is NO bumpers! But, its your choice. I just felt like I needed to share this info with you again!

Long over due update!

We had a great mini vaca. James and I went down to Galveston and met up with some friends . We hung out at the pool, ate way to much food and went to Schlitterbahn water park. It was so nice to "get away" and spend some time with James. He has been working so much lately. He works so hard and I am so lucky to have such an amazing husband.

This week I am really going to be busy getting ready to go back to work. I love teaching but I love my summer break! I am not ready for it to be over!! I have been asked to post some pictures of my classroom and I
will when it's all finished!!

I was thinking about doing paper lanterns for Maddie's birthday. You put a candle in them and they float in the air. Does anyone know how to make them or where to buy them? I have been putting off planning her birthday. But I guess it's time. I don't have to much longer. It hurts so bad planning her birthday and she is not even here. :(