What am I doing?

Ever since my doctor muttered the words "I dont think you will make it to next week" I have been scared....no...

SCARED

TO

DEATH

Scared that I will not be able to have an epidural (again).

You see after going through natural child birth you are kinda...um.... traumatized. I didn't get to have an epidural with Maddie because of my blood thinner shot. One of my goals this time was to make it to my induction date so I could have an epidural and enjoy Jackson's birth. I have centered everything on this the past few weeks months. But why? I'm not in control God is. He knows what he is doing. Maddie is watching over me and Jackson. I have a guardian angel, so why should I be scared? I need to let go and enjoy these last few minutes of silence because I will not hear it again for a very long time (I hope and pray).

So, today I am letting go.

It's about time right?  It's easier said then done, but I'm going to do it.. I will not let this FEAR consume me. 

Today and from now on I am going to let "HOPE" shine.