It hit

The tornado has struck. It totally caught me by surprise this time.

Our whole family went out to eat for James birthday on Saturday. Everything was fine. We were all having a great time. We were about to leave and I look up to the table next to ours and they had a baby. He was about 4 months old. Babies don't bother me any more. I LOVE babies. I love to see how happy and cute they can be. But, seeing this baby hurt.

The dad was holding the baby in his arms. The babies head was tilted back over the dads arm his mouth was open, eyes were shut. As soon as I caught a glance of that. I started to choke. He looked just like Maddie did when we went to the funeral home to hold her. Limp. Head tilted back. Mouth open. Dead.

OMG. I wanted to run over to that baby and shake it. I wanted to so bad. But I didn't I quietly got up (luckily we were leaving) and grabbed onto my dads arm.

Seeing the baby like that brought back so many memories. Memories of seeing Maddie in her casket. Memories of me rocking her at the funeral home. Memories I just really don't want to remember.

I didn't start crying until we got into the car. Poor James had no idea what was going on. It was his birthday celebration I didn't want to ruin his fun. Until he asked what was wrong and then the floods unleashed something fierce. I couldn't stop bawling. I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was back stuck in that horrible day.

The tornado is here. I think it's here to stay for a while. I woke up this morning crying. I know that it's almost February. That means Maddie's angelversary is very close. All of these thoughts are coming steaming back to me. I really just want them to go away.

All we can do now is pray. Pray that this month will be easy on us. Pray that we will have the strength to make it through that horrible day. Pray this tornado leaves....SOON!

Hair Update

(I am feeling super fat in this video. I didn't even want to post it...AHHHH. Pregnancy how you make my face SO fat!)

Spring for SIDS 2012

It's almost been a year. Can you believe it?

It's time for Spring for SIDS!

We are using "Team M" as our name again this year. We have our Facebook page back up and running! (Please go "like" it)

Right now we are taking donation. If you would like to donate an item for the auction please e-mail: teammdonations at gmail dot com.


Thanks SO much.

(More details coming soon)

The smell of "hope"

This is the smell of "hope".....

It's the simple things in life that bring back so many GREAT memories.

When I opened the box and took a big whiff I was in heaven. All the great memories of Maddie came flooding back to me and I CAN'T WAIT to start these memories with Jackson!!!

Happy Birthday Honey!

Today is James 30th birthday!

I am so lucky to have such a great man in my life. He has is my everything. One of the reasons why I can call myself "strong" is because of him.

He has been my rock through infertility, natural pregnancy, struggling through breast feeding, loosing our baby girl, and trying to find hope again.

I love everything about this man. One of my favorite things is his humor.He is SO funny. I am always laughing when we are together.

Together we have made it through the worst. We are now stronger then ever.

Happy Birthday honey! I love you to the moon and back. Thanks for being my everything!!!

Celebrating Home

Don't forgot about our January sponsor Celebrating Home

Anyone who places and order before the end of the month will get 20% off their entire order plus everyone who places an order of $35 or more will get their name in a drawing for a $25.00 gift card. You have to e-mail Jennifer at: jrucktaeschel at hotmail dot com for this special offer!!!!




Jennifer is also offering "In God's hands" for $15.00

When God Calls Little Children
When God calls little children to dwell with Him above,
We mortals sometimes question the wisdom of his love.
For no heartache compares with the death of one small child, Who does so much to make our world seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to His fold, so He picks a little rosebud before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them, so He takes but a few, To make the land of heaven more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult, still, show how we must try,
The saddest word mankind knows will always be "goodbye."
So when a little child departs, we who are left behind
Must realize God loves children...Angels are hard to find.

Jackson

Tomorrow I will be 22 weeks pregnant.

This really makes me smile.

Jackson really gave me a scare yesterday. I didn't feel him kick all day. It may of been because I never really get a second to sit down or relax. But, when I got home I was on a mission to wake him up. I drank a big glass of water and laid on my left side. Just a few minutes later he started his gymnastic routine and I was so happy! I guess my little man likes to sleep during the day.

Jackson is such a blessing. He is bringing so much joy to our lives. James and I enjoy talking to him and telling him all about his big sister. I sing to him and call him silly names. Oh were just over the moon!

Yesterday as I was reading a book to my class I got to thinking... My son has already had so much literacy brought into his life via the womb. I read at least 2 books to my class a day. We spell words, talk about reading and how to be a good reader. I wonder if this will make him smarter ;) He He

I'm just so excited we were blessed with this little guy. I can no wait until we meet him. I really can't wait to introduce him to ya'll. Only a little while longer. Our hope is coming..

A lesson from Mason's mom, Amber

On December 29th Mason was crying really loud, an unusual cry, so I ran into his room as usual and found him in his crib with his camera monitor cord wrapped around his neck many, many times, strangling him. He had pulled all of the cord in his bed with him and all around him and around his little neck. (His camera monitor just sits at the very top of his crib in the corner and the cord runs behind the crib hidden and plugs into the wall, so we have no idea how he got a hold of it...all we can guess as he was playing with his hands behind the crib rails and he felt the cord and being curious he started playing with it and pulled the long cord from the bottom, the camera part of the monitor stayed at the top of the crib and didn't move.) He was alert, panicked, screaming, crying so hard and very red faced. I was terrified, trying so hard to get the cord un-wrapped from his neck, it felt like forever and finally got it off and just held him close as he collapsed in my arms. He was hysterical as expected and I was crying my eyes out. The cord choked him bad leaving bad red lines and bruises around his neck and blood spots (petechia) all over his face and head. It was terrifying and Thank GOD he is alive.


Mason's camera monitor sits on the back top rail of his crib in the far corner, the cord to the monitor runs unseen down the back of the crib rails (the thickest part of the crib because its the side) and then plugs into the wall. The cord to that monitor is very, very long. When the accident happened, Mason had pulled through the crib slats all the loose cord into his crib with him and was tangled up in it and had it wrapped around his neck 4-6 times, strangling himself because he had rolled around with it so much. So... what we have done now to prevent this from happening again is: the camera monitor still sits at the top of his crib in the corner so we can still see him at night when he is sleeping and napping on the weekends. We have double taped (either use masking tape or painters tape so it doesn't mess up the furniture) the cord to the back of the crib as it runs down to the floor, the rest of the long cord is gathered up and zip-tied together and then tape is around that and lays under the crib on floor. It plugs into the wall behind his crib, but my husband did go ahead and put tape around the plug part too where is attaches to the wall. I hope all of this makes sense. If parents choose to secure or nail the monitor to the wall, that is fine too, but the cord still has to run down the wall to plug in. So, its just important for the cord to be taped down or secured in someway that it is not loose for a baby to grab and play with.

Please, please, please go tape or nail up your monitor cords. We WILL be doing this in our bedroom and in the nursery when Jackson transitions into his own room. This is so very dangerous and I didn't think about this until Amber mentioned it.

Flower vases and 11 months

I felt like such a bad mom. James and I had been so busy in Jackson's nursery that I haven't had time to go to Maddie's spot and pick her her Christmas stuff. Finally yesterday I made it my goal to get over there and pick that stuff up.

My mom usually goes with me. James really doesn't like to go. Honestly it's not my favorite place but I do it for my baby. I know she isn't there. But, I feel like I need to go and visit with her.

My mom and I picked up her Christmas stuff and wiped off her marker. Mom took her Christmas flowers out of the vase and it was filled with water. If you have ever had the unfortunate duty of doing this job you know the vase is connected to the marker by a chain. When you twist off the vase you can see the hole where she is. Thankfully my mom has done this ever time. But I just can't stop from thinking that I want to dig out that hole and go get my baby. I am so close to her but yet so far away. I know this sounds so morbid, but I can't help it. It hurts so bad to twist off that vase and see the hole. I HATE it. I am so thankful that my mom is there to help with this.

Today marks 11 months since Maddie went to be with Jesus. It hurts so bad knowing that it has almost been a year. It feels like just yesterday I was holding her but on the other hand it feels like forever. I keep praying that her 1 year angelversary is easy on us. I know it is going to be hard, but I hope I can make it. Please pray for our strength through this following month. It's going to be very hard.

20 weeks

Week 20

Weight gain: Last time I went to the dr. they said I gained 5 pounds

Maternity Clothes: Pants yes. I dont really like maternity shirts they are to big! I wanna show off my bump!

Sleep: I sleep like a rock. I have been getting very sore at night tho.

Gender: BOY!!! Jackson

Belly Button: Still in

What I miss: Nothing really. I do kinda miss coffee.

What I am looking froward to: Meeting my baby boy and telling him all about this BIG sister!

Milestone: I made it to the half way mark!

Size of baby: Size of a Red Bull can. He weighs 10 oz. and is 6.5 inches long!!!

Sneak Peak

Sneak Peek..........

(Can you tell what this is? He He)

It's still a work in progress.......More pictures to come soon ;)

Jackson's Nursery

A few of you have asked what steps we are taking to "reduce" the risk of SIDS in Jackson's nursery.

So, I thought I would share a few.

Remember SIDS can NOT be prevented. These are only steps to reduce the risk..

-Install a fan. The increase of air circulation keeps babies cool which does not allow them to go into a deep sleep. Read about it here.We are using the guest bed room and luckily it already had a fan. But If we were going to use Maddie's room we were going to install a fan.

-We are going to use the Babe Safe Mattress Wrap. I know there is a lot of controversy about this wrap. Some say this was made up to make money. Well guess what?! They have me sold. I am getting it for Jackson's bed it only $37.00. How could I not? Have you read about the Toxic Gas Theory?

-Gro-Egg Color Changing Digital Room Thermometer. Have you seen this before? It's SO neat. Room temperature is vital in creating a safe sleeping environment for your baby and should be maintained at 61-67°F to help reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). The Gro-egg glows yellow if the room temperature is within recommended guidelines (61-67°F). If the room temperature is outside this range, the Gro-egg acts as a visual reminder for you to take action to cool or heat the room, or to adjust the baby's bedding or clothing.

-We are using NO bumpers in his bed. The breathable ones are neat but I personally still dont think they are safe.

-Nothing will be in his bed AT ALL!

-The video monitor we have will be secured to the wall tightly not placed on his bed.

-Jackson will be in our bedroom in his crib for many months. How long exactly? I'm not sure. We have chose to lung his BIG ol' crib in our bed room. It was a hard choice to make but I think it's the best decision. We will probably put him in the bassinet for a few weeks, but after that he will be in the crib in our room.

-We will be using the Snuza during nap time and ANY time we go out. Ha-I'm sure he will have it on all the time.

-Jackson will also have a hospital grade apnea monitor for bed time. I told James I WILL not leave the hospital until I have one in my hand!

- I was asked about the Angel Care Monitor. I think its great! It detects movement just like the apnea monitor. I registered for one. But, I don't know if I will use both. I guess we will see?


-We wanted to make sure the carpets in our bed room and Jackson's nursery are nice and clean. When you clean your carpets in the nursery remember NOT to use chemicals. We are going to hire a company that uses ONLY hot water and steam.

- Do not put any type of scent into the babies nursery. I know those Scentcy buddies are SO cute and I have one, but just don't put the scent in it!

That's all I can think of right now. I am SURE there is something I am missing.

Don't forget to check out Celebrating Home!

Tummy Ticker Winner

And the winner is....Carrie!!!!!!!

Yay! Today is Carrie's lucky day!!!!

Carrie said......

"Kelly these are absolutely adorable! I would love to win these for my friend Lisa who suffered from infertility for MANY years and was heartbroken many times! She finally gave up and gave all her baby stuff away and had just accepted that her dream of becoming a mother would never come true! But in October 2011 I got a call and after 5 LONG years of trying she was finally PREGNANT!! I think I cried more than she did...haa! Prayer works and we prayed hard for her to have this little miracle. She will be welcoming a sweet little girl...Miss Ella Grace in May and I'm so excited! I'd love to surprise her with these at her shower!! Thanks for the opportunity to win these adorable tummy tickers and I'm praying you are feeling well and can't wait to see pics of Jackson :)!"

I hope your friend loves them!!

Carrie e-mail me at: maddiesmommadethat at gmail dot com

Don't forget to check out my post about Celebrating Home

Celebrating Home

Have you heard about Celebrating home?

Celebrating Home is founded on solid Christian principles, with a great purpose and strong commitment to helping take control of their lives, both spiritually and financially, and to achieving healthy and fulfilling life balance.

Here is some information about their collections....

The Celebrating Home Stoneware Collection

Celebrating Home offers an exclusive, superior quality collection of hand-painted stoneware. Set apart by excellent craftsmanship, beautiful designs, fabulous color intensity and incredible durability, each unique one-of-a-kind piece is perfect and practical for creating attractive tableware displays to serve your entertaining needs and for your family to enjoy using every day.

• Each piece is finely hand-painted by highly skilled and trained craftsmen, ensuring no two pieces are identical so each is a unique work of art - even our solid colored pieces are hand-dipped in color and then hand-finished for a truly superior finish.

• Made durable for everyday use, each piece is dishwasher, oven, freezer and microwave safe – making them easy to clean and care for while at the same time offering the convenience of fresh from the oven to table serving capabilities.
• We guarantee quality and satisfaction, providing a one-year replacement warranty to cover all types of manufacturing defects with every piece of stoneware that we offer.

• Bean Pots are by far the best sellers throughout all of our fashionable and functional stoneware offerings. These useful utilitarian items are perfect for “Bringing your Family Together” at the table for a delicious easily prepared meal.

What is a Bean Pot? It is not just for beans. Bean Pots bake food wonderfully & clean up is a snap! It creates a stone oven and makes its own juice! It also keeps food warm longer while serving. Since your Bean Pot is made out of clay it also retains cold. This means you can serve potato salad (or any other dish you want to keep cold) in your chilled Bean Pot. It will help keep your food cold while sitting at your table. The Bean Pot also makes a wonderful ice bucket for casual dinners. Are you wondering what in the world you would cook in a bean pot besides beans? Go here on this page I will share bean pot recipes that I have found from the Internet, other Designers, and former customers. If you have tried a recipe, please feel free to comment about it on there! And don’t forget to check back often.

______________________________________________________________
My product review:

Jennifer sent me a bean pot to try and let me just say.... I LOVE IT!!!!

It's so easy to cook in and clean!

I made mashed potatoes in it and WOW was it easy!

Here is the recipe:

Bean Pot Mashed Potatoes

Scrub potatoes well, and slice length-wise in half ( I peel mine too). Place on each side in bean pot. Pour in ½ cup water. Cover bean pot and microwave on high for 11 minutes. Remove from microwave. Move outside potatoes to inside and inside potatoes to outside. Cover and return potatoes to microwave for another 8 minutes, or until done. Chop to desired consistency. Add in desired milk, sour cream, cheese, garlic, butter, salt and/or pepper.

How easy is that???

Then the best part....You throw it in the dishwasher! You have to get one! I love it!!!

Click here to start shopping now!!!

The tornado

Good days. Happy days. Smiling. Laughter.

It's back in our house and I love it!

I think Maddie and God sent Jackson at the perfect time! He is bringing so much joy into our home.

I have been having so many good days I know the tornado is coming. It's trying to sneak up on me now.

STUPID. grief. tornado!

It always comes when you least expect it.

I made it through Christmas, and New Years with out a total break down. I made it through starting on Jackson's nursery without any tears. I really think deciding to use the guest bed room has REALLY helped with that. We now say Jackson's room or Maddie's room. We don't really call the play room a "play room" yet. I guess because everything is still in there. Maybe we won't ever call it the play room. I don't know.

I do know what is slowly creeping up on me. In 7 days it will be 11 months since Maddie left us. That means in 1 month and 7 days will mark 1 year. Just typing those words haunt me. It brings back so many memories that I don't want to remember.

Hopefully I can make it through that day with happy memories and laughs about Maddie. I pray about this every night.

1 year. It's coming and that tornado is coming with it.

Nursery

We started on Jackson's nursery.

It's a huge under taking!

Sorry I'm not giving any hints!

But, if it turns out.. It'll be SOOOOOOO cute!!!

James and I are going to do a video blog when its done. Which will probably be in a few weeks.

Let me just tell you. I am SO sore from working on it. I feel like I did a full body work out.

Guess what else? I am 20 weeks ( and 2 days) pregnant! Crazy!!! This pregnancy is going by fast!!!! I can't wait to snuggle and kiss on Jackson! I will post belly pictures soon.

Don't forget to enter my Tummy Ticker giveaway

Tummy Tickers

Have you ever heard of Tummy Tickers?

Tummy Tickers capture Memories One Sticker at a Time!

Tummy Tickers stickers go from 'Just Born' up to '24 months' for babies. They also have Babies First Holiday Edition and the 'I Can' and 'My Firsts' for baby milestones. And don't forget to let Tummy Tickers document your pregnancy with our Belly Bump Tickers.

Tummy Tickers comes with directions and are packaged two different ways suitable for any budget.

They are they cutest thing ever! I always wanted to get a set for Maddie but never knew where to get them from.


Tummy Tickers sent Jackson these... I love them! They are SO stinkin' cute!




They also sent me a set and I've had SO much fun with them!!!

I skipped 18 weeks.. WHOOPS!!!

Are these not the cutest??? From now on you will be seeing me and my big ol' belly with these CUTE stickers!

Go visit Tummy Tickers Etsy page here

And GUESS WHAT!!! They sent me a set of neutral stickers to GIVE AWAY!!!!
These tummy tickers are to document your babies growth. Included in this package are 1-12 months and the stickers shown below.

You have 3 chances to win!!!

To enter:

- Leave 1 comment telling me who you be winning these for you..your best friend.. you sister ect...

- Leave 1 comment if you blog about this give away...

- Leave 1 comment if you Facebook this give away.....

The winner will be announced January 11th!

Back to work..and big hills!

New Years was fun! James and I went and stayed with some friends. We popped a lot of fireworks, ate way to much and stayed up to late. It was a great way to bring in our year of Hope!

I went back to work yesterday and can't seem to get back into the groove. My sleeping schedule is off, so I'm exhausted!! Sorry I've been slacking on blogging lately! I am going to post January's product reviews , and a GIVE AWAY soon I promise!

I did go register!! That was a MAJOR hurdle I conquered. I have not stepped foot in Babies R Us since before Maddie left us. I loved that store. Now, I cringed just driving by it.....But, I did it. I walked into BRU with my mom and Catherine and together we registered me. I am very proud of my self. I didn't cry or get upset. I was excited about Jackson. I just kept thinking about all the new things I will get to use with our little miracle.

Happy New Year!!

Wishing you a very happy and healthy New Year!