My mornings recently

Jackson has been pooping out of his diapers. Not like out of the side poop...NO...like up the back all the way to his shoulders poop!!!

So...

My Wednesday morning went like this:

Jackson slept from 9-5. I was feeling good and I knew the day was going to be great. I got Jackson up, put him in his swing (its his favorite) and he fell asleep. He woke up just a little while later so we played a little, danced, and I changed him into his outfit for the day. He got hungry so I fed him and then it happened....BOOM... POOP.. I knew it was going to be a big one from the sound of it (ewwwww). So I picked him up and there was already a stain up his back. GREAT! I had just put on his cute outfit. I took him to the changing table to clean him up and there it was...poop all the way to this shoulders. It was everywhere. All over his monitor strap and completely covering his back. GREAT! Now guess what?? Bath time. I finish taking off Jackson's poop  clothes and run the bath water. I pick him up and realize I didnt wipe his back off good enough and get poop all over my hand. NICE! I put Jackson in his bathtub and I bathe him. Then, we start over. I get a new monitor strap, a new diaper, and a new outfit. After I finally get him dressed he starts crying because he is still hungry. I told him.. "Lets try this again..."

What a morning huh? And guess what? I wouldn't have it any other way. That is what I missed...being pooped on (ok maybe not.... ), bathing my baby, cuddling, feeding,dancing, singing pure love.

(Oh I put him in size 2 diapers in the morning now to try and prevent these explosions..lol)

Random

 I thought it would be fun to do a "random facts about me" blog. So here we go..

- I am tall (5'11 1/2). It is hard to find jeans long enough. If I can find them they are mega expensive. I also have a hard time finding shirt that are long enough...short..yeah I wont even go there.

- I HATE antiques. They FREAK ME OUT! My mom and her boyfriend tried to buy Jackson a crib from an antique store and I just about freaked out. (yes I know I'm weird).

- I could snack all day and not eat a meal and I would be totally cool with that.

-I love a clean organized house but I HATE cleaning. (Go figure huh).

-I love taking pictures and I wish I was better at it. I just don't have the money to upgrade my equipment right now.

- I would love to start a monogramming company and I want to.

- I have a bow business on Facebook. I opened it back up but I am only making bows when Jackson is down for a nap.

- I thought Jackson was a girl when I was pregnant. When he got here I had to check to see if he really was a boy.

-I LOVE Starbucks.

-I hate painting my toenails, but love to get pedicures.

-I really want a new SUV but probably wont get one for a VERY long time.

- I am attached to my phone.

- I take a million pictures of Jackson daily.

-I have over 1,800 pictures on my phone. I have them saved on my computer but I cant bring myself to erase them.

- I love and appreciate all my blog readers!!! Thank you all!!! :) ( I wish I could meet you all)

7 weeks

Jackson,

You are 7 weeks old and growing so fast!

This week you have really started smiling and showing mommy and daddy all those gums. You are really trying hard to laugh but just can't figure out how to do it yet. You are wearing size 1 (sometimes size 2) diapers. You weigh somewhere around 11 pounds and you are 24 inches long. You wear 3 month onesies. I think you are going to be tall just like your mommy.

You hate tummy time so we made up our own. You lay on my tummy and you practice picking your head up. You are STRONG! You think you are older and stronger then you really are and I love it!!

Last night you slept from 9pm-5am Id say that's all night!!!! Mommy enjoyed that long stretch of sleep. Thanks bird.

You are growing up to fast! Soon you will be 2 months old. Oh my.

You are still losing the hair on top of your head buddy. I'm sorry. I think its cute but sometimes you look like an old man. :)

Mommy and Daddy love you bird!!!

XOXOXO,

Mommy

6 weeks

Jackson,
   
You are 6 weeks old!

Mommy tried to put up your newborn clothes two times already but I just can't do it! You are wearing all 3 month clothes now. Mommy squeezed you into a newborn onesie yesterday and it was so tight. You are just so long! I measured you...you are 24 inches long!!

You are still in size 1 diapers. I need to get some more but I just don't know how long you will be in them. They are kinda getting tight. You are such a big boy. I am not sure how much you weigh but I bet its over 10 pounds.

Last night you scared daddy and I. Your monitor went off and it said you stopped breathing. A nurse came out today to check it. She said if you stopped breathing the low heart rate button would of lit up too. She thinks you just took a shallow breath or your sensor got moved. She downloaded the information from your box and is sending it to your doctor. Soon we will have the results back.

You are really starting to hold your head up well, but you HATE tummy time. Everything goes in your mouth. If you cant get a toy in your mouth you cry. You are not liking your play mat right now because you can not reach and grab the toys. It makes you very mad!

Today you smiled at mommy. You did a real "I love you mommy smile". It melted my heart! You made my day buddy!!

 

Mommy and daddy love you so much! 

XOXO

...and it happened

....and it happened

I knew it would...Jackson's monitor went off.

James and I were in the living room in the dark waiting for Jackson to go get sleepy. I had just changed him and put him in his sleep sack. I put him back in his rock n play right in front of me ( he doesnt like to be rocked). It was time for me to pump, so I got up and started walking to the kitchen. Then it happened. BEEEEEEEEEP. His alarm went off. Usually its a lose connection or the battery is dying so at the moment I wasn't freaked out.  I turned around and glanced at his box..then I saw it.... a big red light on the left. I knew the light on the left was the light to show he was not breathing. So I ran. I ran as fast as I could to him. I picked him up in a panic. He was asleep. He looked like an angel, just like his sister and panic set in. Then it stopped going off. He never woke up. He never cried. FREAKED US OUT!!

James ripped his sleeping sack off and unzipped his pj's. We wanted to watch him breathe. James started playing with the leads. They will show Jackson breathing even if they are not totally on his chest. We took them off him and the machine beeped again. We wanted to see if it could of been a false alarm. As far as we can tell it wasn't. Jackson stopped breathing for over 20 seconds. He started breathing again when I picked him up and called his name. Needless to say this freaked me out!! I didnt sleep well.

We have been ridiculed for having him on a monitor. I have been told it "wasn't right". It really hurt me hearing these comments. Why would anyone tell us that? But you know what??? I dont care. Look what happened last night. Yes, I know SIDS can NOT be prevented. If its going to happen it will..but look what happened last night. Maybe Jackson has apnea. We don't know. What if I wouldn't of ran and picked him up at that moment would he ever start breathing again? Who knows. All I know is that monitor saved him last night. I am thankful for it.

Today I am calling the pediatrician. I am not sure they will want to see him but I think they need to know. I am still scared. So scared.

Please pray. Pray it was just a fluke. Pray for James and I. We are so scared.

Hurting

One of my friends from high school lost her son last week. I have been trying to think of the right words to say to her, but honestly there is nothing to say. No words are going to make her feel better.

As I sat down last night I read her  blog about the last hours of her sweet Luke's life. It hurt. I know the situation was completely different but all the pain from Maddie passing away came flooding back...being in the emergency room, not wanting to leave without my baby, going to the funeral home,  picking out her casket, going home, collapsing in her room, picking up her toys, trying to decide if I should keep her toys or let her rest with them, deciding what to wear...It goes on and on. I felt sick. Why does this happen? It's not fair!

Then I felt bad. I felt bad that I have been happy. I feel like my heart is starting to heal. Jackson has been such a blessing in our lives. He has made us smile again. He has made me love life again. But, I feel guilty. How can I be this happy when my baby girl is gone. It is such a strange range of emotions I go through on a daily basis. Happy, hurt, joy, longing, pain,....

I feel bad I haven't taken Jackson to Maddie's spot yet. I just don't know if I am ready. I know I am going to be a mess..a complete mess! Am I ready for that? It's going to hurt so bad. We shouldn't be taking Jackson to a cemetery to visit his sister. She should be here pestering him,laughing and kissing him. Oh how my heart hurts.

I don't even know where I was going with this post. I just want to remind everyone to kiss your kids a few more times today. Give them one extra hug. You never know if it will be the last time.

Also, please pray for my friend Amber. Pray for her family during this difficult time.

Firsts

Jackson has had a lot of firsts this past week..

-First  time to celebrate Father's Day with his daddy..

- Jackson went to his first Birthday party. He slept through the whole thing, but he had fun!

-1st time to poop all over mommy after she just got dressed!!

AND....

-First time to look like a BIG boy!!

Happy Fathers Day

5 weeks

Jackson,
 
 You are 5 weeks old today. You are really starting to be a big boy! I am not sure how much you weigh this week but I guess around 10 pounds.

Yesterday Mimi and I dressed you in a big boy outfit. You looked so cute! You still love your playmat, but you get mad when you can't reach your favorite toy, kitty. You are definitely a paci baby. When you  lose your paci you scream. I guess a paci is better then sucking your thumb.

You are starting to get on a schedule with eating, sleeping, and pottying. You usually go to bed  at 9-10pm and wake up at 1:30-2:00am and at 5:00-5:30. You have been giving mommy a nice diaper explosion every morning (thank you buddy).

You love riding in the car. As soon as we start rolling you are asleep, but you hate getting in your car seat. You are really good when Mommy takes you places. You sleep most of the time. The only time you fuss is if you are hungry.

Mimi set off your monitor at Panera last week. It was so loud and you didnt even cry. Everyone was staring at us and mommy couldn't turn the machine off. It's funny now looking back at it. I still tease Mimi about it. We have been taking you off your monitor more and more. I only turn it on when you are napping, sleeping at night or if we are out and about. Mommy and daddy are doing much better with it.

I love you bird!!

Love,
Mommy

Two familes in need..

 A friend of mine, Virginia, came to me with devastating new.... her family was in a horrible car accident.

Her family is in need of many prayers. Here is there story...

On Saturday, June 9, 2012, Richard Teubner, along with his wife, Edie Teubner, and her parents 96 year old Glen "Ahda" Harding, and 86 year old Mary "Nana" Harding, were driving to Kansas City when a pick up truck heading the opposite direction pulled in front of them. Richard tried to stop their van but couldn't and they collided head on on into the truck. They all suffered severe injuries. Richard's left arm was broken, and his right ankle was shattered and after an initial 4 hour surgery to fix it, he was transferred to a better equipped hospital and will require further surgeries. Mary's wrist was broken and will require surgery. She also suffered fractures to her spine and damage to her knee, along with severe cuts to her face. Edie was thrown into the windshield and suffered some severe facial cuts and will require plastic surgery. She lost a lot of blood and had to receive two units of blood. Glen received the greatest injuries: two broken legs. He is currently awaiting surgery to repair his left leg. Though most 96 year old would be devastated by these injuries, Glen is keeping his spirits high by telling jokes and old basketball stories - just like he always does!

Thankfully it seems that everyone will be okay and no injuries are life threatening, but they all have a long road ahead of them. The real battle will begin when they are released from the hospital, as these four individuals rely on each other as their support and care network.





Stitches and Hooks is holding an auction  to help them with their recovery when they return home, they will need things like cleaning and laundry service, groceries, and gas to transport them to and from therapy and doctor appointments, along with many unforeseen expenses that won't be covered by insurance. The auction is not open yet but I will update you all when it is.



___________________________________________________________________________

Do you remember Remington's Rad Designs? Lindsey is so sweet and we talk often about crafts and photography. One of her Mom’s co-worker’s wife was diagnosed with stage 4 Pancreatic cancer. She has been given 3 weeks to live. Her husband has used all his leave to assist with appointments but needs to be by his wife’s side for the rest of the time she has left. Because of bills right now he can’t be there with her. As the owner of Remington's, Lindsey, is holding an auction for this sweet family. You can donate an item for this auction by e-mailing Lindsey at remingtonsraddesigns at yahoo.com. There auction link is here.






Please pray for both of these families in their time of need.

Ramblings of a crazy angel mommy

Being a mom is hard. Being a stay at home mom is even harder. You "work" so hard and you get paid in kisses. I love it. I LOVE being able to be with Jackson 24/7. It's the best "job" ever.

But, being a mom of an angel makes me a little crazy.

I know every mom is a little nervous when you leave your baby.  But, me being an angel mom and everything we have been through..well I am SUPER crazy!! Every time I leave Jackson no matter if I am in the same place (like in another room) or I leave him with James to run a quick errand. I am so anxious.

Today I ran the grocery store to grab some stuff for lunch. I left Jackson at home asleep with James. I know James is very capable of taking care of him. He is an amazing dad, but the anxiety I felt while I was gone was crazy. I ran through the store like a crazy woman throwing stuff in my basket getting mad at people who were in my way. Driving  home crazy to get back home to a baby still sleeping just where I left him.

Who does this?

Me, the crazy mom of an angel baby.

Anxiety. I know its normal. I felt anxious when we had Maddie but multiply that anxiety by a million and that's how I feel now.

James and I want to go do something for our anniversary but that means I will have to leave Jackson with my mom.  I know she is 100% capable of  taking care of him. She raised me.... I am fine. We are practically together everyday. She knows CPR. She was in the class with us. She can work his monitor (except for in Panera..thats another story..ha ha). But, the anxiety I feel right now just thinking about leaving him makes me cringe.


I am sure I will get over this. It's probably because everything is still brand new.


(Please don't think I'm crazy. I'm fine...just a new mom ((again)).

1 month

Jackson,

    You are 1 month old!! You are growing up so fast.

    You gave us a scare yesterday. I found dried earwax on your ear and called your doctor immediately. I thought you had an ear infection. Mommy and daddy have never had a sick baby so we were very scared. Mommy and Mimi ran you to the doctor and guess what? Your ears are so small they couldn't see in them. They didnt think you had an ear infection just some water in there from your bath. We are going to have to be very careful when you get a bath. We also weighed you....9.75 pounds!!!!! You gained almost a pound in a week. You are growing up so fast!

   Today we are having a little get together with family for your 1 month birthday. I hope we can do this every month. Mommy made you some really cute cupcakes.

  This morning you smiled at daddy. It was a real smile. Not a gassy smile, but a real I love you daddy smile. You made his day!!

  Yesterday you really started to use your hands. You can grab toys that are hanging from your playmat. You try to put them in your mouth. Sometimes you can, its amazing! You are so smart bird!!!

  Yesterday mommy and Mini put you in a 3 month outfit. You looked so cute. So, I guess its time to pack up the newborn onesies. This makes mommy sad. You are just growing so fast!!

Mommy and Daddy love you, bird!!!

Are you ready??

Are you ready for some serious cuteness?

Beth took these amazing pictures of Jackson. He was just 10 days old. I LOVE them!!!

4 weeks

Jackson,

     You are 4 weeks old! This week you have really grown up. You started wearing size 1 diapers and 3 month pj's. Where did my little guy go?

   Yesterday you smiled at mommy and daddy and you were awake! This week you really started to enjoy your playmat that Mrs.Vivan got you. You will play and play on it for over an hour. You make the cutest noises when you are playing. You are trying so hard to reach out and grab your toys but you just cant figure out your hands yet. Jackson you are such a strong boy. You try really hard to roll over when you are playing. You get to your side and get stuck. Buddy you are only 4 weeks old  mommy isn't ready for you to start rolling over!

 (Thank you Vivian for his playmat he loves it!)

Buddy, Im sorry to tell you but you are losing your hair on the top of your head. Daddy thinks its funny. I think you look like a cute old man. I think your mohawk days are starting to be numbered. Mommy is sad about that. 

(Thank you Natalie for his "Hope" onesie I love it (he does too).

   You are eating 3-4 oz of breast milk or formula every 2-3 hours. You LOVE to eat. You are happy as long as your belly is full. You are still wearing newborn size onesies , but some are getting tight!

   This week you went with mommy and Mimi on tons of errands and you did SO good. You fall asleep in the car easily. As long as mommy can feed you, you are one happy guy! Last Friday you weighed 8 pounds 8 ounces (big guy!). You are growing like a worm!!!

Mommy and Daddy love you so much bird!!!

Thanks

Thank you all for the sweet comment about breast feeding.

I am still pumping every 3-4 hours. I spoke to my lactation specialist again and she is going to come out tomorrow. I have been putting Jackson on my breast a few times a day. He is doing better with sucking but he will not "suck" for a whole feeding.

We also took him to the pediatrician on Friday for another weight check. Boy has he gained weight! He weighs 8 pounds 8 ounces. So supplementing and giving him breast milk is working!! We also found out he has thrush (poor baby). This (might) be the reason he doesn't want to suck from my breast. We are treating it now so hopefully the treatment will work!!

Keep praying for us. We are still working at it!