It was a tornado type of day.
Came out of nowhere...hit..and it hit hard.
It may be
I hate this. I feel like a broken record saying that, but I do and I always will. I HATE THIS! It's ok to scream it right??
I'm trying to be happy for Maddie and Jackson's party but I'm just not. I'm sad. I put off getting the cake until this week. I e-mailed our cake lady and begged her to fit us in. Lucky she had a light week and it all just worked out. I forgot to mention we are doing Maddie's birthday and Jackson's 5 month birthday together. I wanted it to be fun and a celebration of our babies. I am really trying for it to be.
I'm not sure any of this made any sense. I am just tired and I miss my baby girl.
11 comments:
Its okay....its okay to scream. Its okay to grieve. Its okay not to put on a "happy face". Its okay to cry. Just know, that whatever you feel, its okay.
Sending thoughts, prayers and hugs your way. You are an amazing mother, wife and daughter and friend. Don't ever forget that.
I love that christmas tree pic,she looks so peaceful
What a sweet little girl...
I don't think it gets any easier. My son died two years ago and I still have moments where I can't breathe. The best I think we can hope for is for the pain to become different, so that we can deal with it more easily. Grief doesn't go away, but it can change. That's about the best I've got. I'm sorry. :-(
I have been reading your blog for a little while. I want you to know that you have come to mind twice this week...I have found 2 lady bugs in my house! Yesterday, I found a lady bug on my lil boys cup and today I found one on my coke glass. I don't really know how common it is to find lady bugs in October...in SD; but nonetheless I think it's kind of unique! To be honest, my first thoughts were, "Maddiebug" and I made sure to give my lil boy a squeeze-he will be 2 on the 21st. Thank you for sharing your Maddiebug with the world...her life has impacted many and you have impacted many. It's not very easy to wear your feelings on a sleeve; but then to share those feelings aloud has to be ten times harder so I really do admire you for being real on your blog. There are always going to be good days and bad days...sometimes it's easier to shed the light on the good and hide in the darkness; but you have chosen to be Maddies Light and I pray that light will continue to burn brightly!
It doesn't ever get any easier. I lost my husband in January and the bad days still happen. It isn't the same as the loss of a child but the pain is always there no matter what type of loss you suffer. You didn't get to experience everything you should have gotten to experience with her. It only makes sense. Do not be too hard on yourself when you have your harder moments throughout the coming days. Thank you for sharing your story because even though I didn't lose a child but lost a husband I feel like we can relate on a certain level. You are a such strong woman.
Always remember what a great mom you are, to both of your kids!
How could missing Maddie not make you sad sometimes? Especially on days like this, when you are not your strongest storm-weathering self?
Amazing what you're accomplishing all the time!
You can scream. I do hope that it gets easier for you, I do.
Your such a strong mummy, you are for sure going to have days where you feel this way. You have felt the type of pain no parent ever wants to feel but you are surviving and being an amazing mum to both your babies. As a mummy to 2 young boys I respect you for the strength you have, the way you are carrying on maddies memory and for the great job you are doing with Jackson.
Lots of love all the way from the uk! X
It's ok to scream and be mad. You are truly entitled to that! I don't think it will get any easier, but hopefully the pain will numb...it is still fresh and will be for a few more years! I love the Christmas tree picture....adorable!
Kellie and James I think you two are some of the sweetest people ever.
I know that losing a child is a much different kind of pain than the loss of any other loved one.
My twin sister and I were best friends. She's been gone for 14 years. I remember there being days that the pain from that loss was so unbearable. That is why I love the name of your blog. Just a perfect reminder that no matter the hurt we feel or the impact of our loss....each day we get up and we feel like we are merely just surviving....we don't realize it but we do get another day stronger.
I wish I had thought to journal or blog through my loss. Your helping a lot of people through this blog.
I wanted to also tell you....I love when you still post pictures of Maddie. Every time I look at her....I think of this charming and beautiful girl who may have only been 4 months old....but she had a blessed life. She had it all. Great parents, comforts in life. It cannot be denied that she was spoiled rotten and I love that! I feel absolutely certain that she knew how much she was loved. She was quite the little Fashionista too. You and James are the best parents that Maddie and Jackson could ever ask for.
Sending HUGS to all 3 of you!
Your strength amazes me. I have two kids and I don't know how I could ever go on if something happened to one of them. You're such a great Mom- Maddie and Jackson are so blessed to have you!
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