I have never ever gone back to read that horrible post from February 17, 2011. Yesterday for some reason I felt like I needed to. I cried and cried and cried and cried. Finally I made myself stop reading.
After processing everything I am glad I did read it all. Now I know I am just a little bit stronger. I remember the days when I would lay in bed trying to get up and start my day but I couldn't physically make myself. I was so broken. I remember not eating and having so many bad days in a row. Bad days now are getting farther and farther apart. I am now stronger. That doesn't mean I miss Maddie any less. I think that is not true at all. If anything I miss her more. It's been almost 3 years since I have held her in my arms. It's just different now. I have Mr. Hope to get up for. He is what has really pushed me through this whole process. She is such a blessing so much more then he will ever understand.
As Maddie's angelversary gets closer I do become more and more sad. But, I am trying to push through and celebrate her life.
3 comments:
I'm not sure if you follow The Macs on blogger, but here is a powerful post Jess wrote that I hope helps you too. She lost her sweet girl to cancer 5 years ago. http://www.jessmcclenahan.com/2014/02/i-was-looking-for-a-miracle/
Kellie,
My thoughts and pryers are with you, James and Jackson. May God wrap his loving arms around you, and may you feel His peace.
Sending lots of hugs and prayers to you and your family. So proud of your courage to read through everything and continue to get stronger.
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