I have been crying all weekend (over silly stuff). I feel like I can't handle anything. Everything makes me cry. I cried in the grocery store. I cried all the way home. I sat down in the living room and cried. I cried on the way to school this morning.
Poor James didn't know what was going on. Honestly I didn't either. I never thought it would hit me like this 5 or 6 days before her angelversery.
It's going to be a VERY long week. A week of telling myself "it's going to be ok". I don't know if I am going to have the strength to pretend this week. I don't know if I can make myself smile, laugh and carry on. It's just to hard.
I just can't believe it's been a year. I feel like everything happened yesterday. I think maybe Valentine's Day and Maddie's angelversery being on the same week is SO hard to handle. Valentine's day was the last holiday we spend with her. I remember putting her Valentines outfit on like it was yesterday. I made little valentines for her "friends" at daycare. I never thought it was the only Valentines Day my baby girl would ever spend with me. I would do anything to go back to last year...anything.
I miss her so much. But, knowing what I know now that should would still leave us..... I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I was able to spend 4 months wonderful with her. I got to kiss her, hug her and love on her. I am her mom and will always be.
Please pray for James and I to have enough strength to make it through this week. Thank you all for your support.
Poor James didn't know what was going on. Honestly I didn't either. I never thought it would hit me like this 5 or 6 days before her angelversery.
It's going to be a VERY long week. A week of telling myself "it's going to be ok". I don't know if I am going to have the strength to pretend this week. I don't know if I can make myself smile, laugh and carry on. It's just to hard.
I just can't believe it's been a year. I feel like everything happened yesterday. I think maybe Valentine's Day and Maddie's angelversery being on the same week is SO hard to handle. Valentine's day was the last holiday we spend with her. I remember putting her Valentines outfit on like it was yesterday. I made little valentines for her "friends" at daycare. I never thought it was the only Valentines Day my baby girl would ever spend with me. I would do anything to go back to last year...anything.
I miss her so much. But, knowing what I know now that should would still leave us..... I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I was able to spend 4 months wonderful with her. I got to kiss her, hug her and love on her. I am her mom and will always be.
Please pray for James and I to have enough strength to make it through this week. Thank you all for your support.
29 comments:
Prayers, sweetie.
Prayers are coming your way!!
Praying for you and your family. I cannot imagine what you have had to go through. Sending our thoughts and prayers this week from Alabama.
Praying! I really don't have any words. I couldn't imagine the pain and sadness but I do know you are a stronger woman than most, it will get better in time, it just stinks not knowing ow long it might take.
Also, and I hope it's ok to post this here and that you will see it, I had an idea I've been meaning to share. I think a great way to include Maddie's things in Jackson's nursery is to creat a shadow box. One for both of them that includes a favorite picture, the 'coming home' outfit, maybe a special hat or bow. I think it would be very cute and meaningful.
Thinking of you!
I pray every night that you have the strength to get through this. I can't imagine how hard this is for you, espcially this week. I'm sure all the pregnant hormones are making things a little worse to. Good luck...break down and cry if you need to. You don't always have to be strong.
You WILL be strong enough to make it through. You have James by your side, and the two of you will make it through together. You have each other, and Jackson and Maddie too! It will be tough, no doubt, but you can do it. We are all praying for you guys. Try to remember God's promise to you...little Jackson. He is no replacement of sweet Madison, but he is your hope, your rainbow after the storm. I know how strong you have become over this last year, and I have no doubt you can make it through...AND it might not be as tough as you are anticipating either. I pray you and James and your family can make it through the hardest day with smiles on your face because you got the privilege of knowing and loving Maddie in those wonderful 4 months. Try and make it a wonderful celebrating of her life, knowing you will be together again one day. Praying for you always!
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Both you and James. Sending you hugs and lots of love!
Prayers for you all! :( Thinking of you and praying you will know God's hand is holding you both through this really hard time. *Hugs* I bet Maddie is looking down from Heaven and wants you to know how much she loves you and cant wait to see you someday! I loved that book Heaven is for Real. I know you have already read it, but maybe it can help you again through your baby girls angelversary.
Prayers for you Kellie. Can you take some time off from work? Just spend the week remembering her?
Sending lots of (((HUGS))) your way. Also praying for you and James. I know that it is so hard and words don't take away the pain because if they could I would write a million of them. I know that it doesn't get easier, you just get stronger!!! Thanks for your inspiration!!!
So sorry, sweetie. Big hugs!
Definitely praying for you this week. It's ok to cry and be upset! Praying for sweet little Jackson, and your hope to come.
I am so sorry!!! But I know Maddie will see you through this hard, hard week!
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
Praying very hard for you!
Oh sweet girl, I'm praying for you.
PRAYING!
I am praying for you!
Tons of prayers for you and your husband this week. (((hugs)))
Praying for you guys to find whatever strength you need.
Hugs & prayers!!!
Bless your heart sweet Kellie :( Praying for both you and James this week as you remember Maddie and all the joy she brought to your life! Sending love and hugs your way!
Kellie, i have been thinking about you a lot this month. at random times throughout the day, you will pop into my mind, and i'll say a quick prayer for you. i started reading your blog just a few days after Maddie passed away, and i can't believe i've been following your "journey" for almost a year now. i get emotional just thinking about it, so i can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling. i'm sure the next few days are going to be incredibly difficult for you and James, but the Lord WILL give you the strength to get through them - together. just cling to each other and cry out to God. if anyone knows what you're going through right now, it's Him. remember, when we are weak, He is strong. praying for you and your precious family.
God bless.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matthew 5:4)
Thinking of you and praying for you often. I know you will be strong enough to make it through this unspeakably sad time. I am always amazed by your strength - you are remarkable. Sending hugs!
Dear Kellie,
On an occasion such as this emotions abound and words fail. I hope that you will find confidence and encouragement in knowing that despite Madison's fleeting time on earth you demonstrated absolute affection and loyalty to a being that deserved every morsel of love and attention that one can humanly offer. I hope you can celebrate that Madison was incredibly fortunate to enter into a family where she wasn’t overlooked, wasn’t abused, and wasn’t neglected. Praying for His divine solace and healing for your aching heart. I hope He envelopes you in a strong, almost palpable embrace that's reminds you that He's by your side, He's aware and He will not ignore your need(s). May each day for you and your husband be restorative and present buoys for you to clutch onto to keep your spirits afloat. May you both find little but important escapes where you can experience merriment and reprieve before it all becomes overwhelming. Take care of yourself and precious Jackson. I hope you will experience and be uplifted by God's love and goodness as well as the sincere well wishes and prayers of the many who are fans of you and your blog.
Psalm 30:5 - "..weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."
Psalm 34:18 - "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 55:22 - "Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous be shaken."
Psalm 116: 1-7 - "I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the LORD: 'LORD, save me!' The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The LORD protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the LORD has been good to you."
Matthew 5:4 - "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
1 Peter 5:7 - "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
sending you and your family many prayers this week!
I'll be thinking of you guys this week Kellie. You will get thru this because you are incredibly strong. But no one expects you to be strong all the time, it's ok to break sometimes. It's ok to cry. Still praying for you & James, Maddie, & your baby boy.
you are definitely in my prayers!! <3 be sad and cry! Let it out and grieve. I can't imagine your pain. I wish no one would have to know that pain. :( Thoughts and prayers with you BOTH this week! I know Maddie is with you! <3
I am praying!!!
I'm thinking of you and your beautiful family.
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