I was watching the OWN network the other day. The new show, "Addicted to food" was on. This is what it is about "In this riveting new docu-series, eight people battle their addiction to the one thing they literally can't live without: food. At Shades of Hope, a rural Texas treatment center, these desperate clients struggle through an intense 42-day treatment plan led by maverick therapist Tennie McCarty. Using unorthodox methods and a tough-love approach, Tennie asks her clients to confront the painful issues in their lives that have led them to use food as an escape. Full of drama, emotion and triumph, Addicted to Food shows us that recovery is possible even for people who fear their lives are hopeless." The lead therapist Tennie McCarty was telling her clients they must confront and recognize their problem before they can start to crawl over the hump to recovery. Now I know I don't have an addiction, but I feel like this advise refers to me and the grieving process..For a long time I didnt want to belive Maddie was really gone, but that is not reality. She is gone and now that I am begenning to accept that I can slowly start to crawl over the hill into happiness. Some days I do not want to believe that she is gone, and that is when I need to remind myself of what Tennie McCarty said....but that is easier said then done.
I also started thinking about Mother's Day :(...I want to skip that holiday. I know I will always be Maddie's mommy, but I dont feel like a mom any more and that hruts :(.
My friend Michelle and I are going to celebrate International Babies Lost Mothers Day on May 1st. We are going to have a girls day and go get mani's and pedi's and try to make it a fun day.
(Just a little business to take care of Daphne I neede to to e-mail me :))
14 comments:
Kellie, you are a great mommy and you shouldn't let anyone try to tell you differently. You take the time you need to grieve, there is no right or wrong way to go through this process. Maddie loves you! Stay strong.
Kellie, you'll always be a mom and an awfully good one. Hugs to you!
Praying for you and remember that you will ALWAYS be a mommy.
Kellie you are an amazing mommy. Maddie was so blessed to have you as her mom and I'm sure she was the happiest baby ever when she was here on earth. Take your time to grieve, these things don't get easier instantly. Hugs to you.
Kellie, This is my first time writing to you. I have been following your blog since I heard about Maddie. That was a about two months ago, just a few days after Maddie made her trip to Heaven. Your story has hit me hard. I have a son who is just a couple weeks younger than Maddie. I also worked with someone years ago who lost a baby girl to SIDS. The fear of SIDS was so big for me even before my baby was born. And with Maddie's story, it grew even more. I am just so deeply sorry that Maddie can't be with you right now. It is so unfair. Reading your posts has given me new insight and love of life, instead of the fear of death. I know you may not feel like it sometimes, but you are strong. For some reason, your strength has eased my heart. I see that you are still breathing and am reminded that life goes on even with tragedy, that our blessings are at the hands of God. There is a reason you are still here. God needs you to be here right now.
I decided to comment now because it makes me so sad that you don't feel like a mommy anymore. You need to remember that Maddie is real, she was here. She grew in your belly, heard your heartbeat and voice, and felt your love. You and James gave her the life any baby would dream of. You didn't decide one day to not be a mommy anymore, so you still are. Just because Maddie isn't here in your arms doesn't mean that she can't still hear your heartbeat and your voice, and feel your love. That bond is never broken. I think on Mother's Day, you will feel very much like a mommy..and you should!
I pray for peace in your hearts and hope so much that life will be good to you. Just be ready for it when it is!
I know too well the feelings and thoughts you talk about. I hated it (and still do sometimes) when I am told that I am still a mom.. in my heart I know I am.. but it doesn't take the pain from the fact that I should still be changing diapers and making bottles. I should still have baby guards up all around the house... those up and down days are the worst and the bad days always come just when you think you're going to make it through.. Mother's Day has been heavy on my heart too... and I am dreading it.. but with your little angel guiding you and the Lord's strength to lift you up, you can survive that day and I know you will! After all.. we all have some pretty amazing angels watching over us all :) xoxo
I understand how you feel about mothers day. I am on the other side of it and lost my mom a few years ago...It is the hardest day for me....I hate going to the store and seeing all the displays....even though it is a hard day try and remember the great times u shared with maddie
Kellie,
I've been reading your blog for a few days and although I feel it sounds weak, I want you to know my prayers are with you. You are a beautiful woman and mother. Your strength and your words reveal the glory of your character.
<3hearts<3 You are a great mom and will always be a great mom. She's looking down on you and wants you to be happy bc you made her so happy on earth.
Praying for you & Your family! Im so sorry about what you guys are having to go threw/deal with. Take as much time/Do whatever you have to do to grieve.
It will take lots of time, I lost my grandmother (Who was practially my mother) in August & Im still not over it. =/
I love the post about putting bows on the little ones in honor of MaddieBug.
Would you ever put up a hairbow tutoral? I think we would all LOVE that!
Perhaps you should celebrate mother's day. You ARE still a mother. You talk and think about Maddie all the time as if she were here. Keep focusing on the positive since that's what you're striving for every day!
God Bless you Kellie!
I've been thinking about you a lot in relation to Mother's Day. If it helps at all, there will be a lot of people thinking about you, and sending you strength on that day.
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