Today James and I took Maddie's Easter basket to her grave. I wanted her to have it before Easter. I know that things do not do "well" in the weather, but how could I not of bought her an Easter bunny and basket? It is her first Easter. I bought it the other day at Hobby Lobby, the day I had a break down. I really liked the bunny and I am sure Maddie does too.
It still hurts going to her grave. I cry every time. It still feels like she is just at my moms house and we can go pick her up anytime, but that's not true. I think this is so hard because her death was very unexpected. Maddie was so happy the last morning I dropped her off at the babysitters house. I wish I would of kissed her more and told her I loved her a few more times. But, I know she knows…I tell her that a million times a day.
They put a temporary marker on her grave. When I saw it I gasped. This means it's real. I hate seeing her death date. I hate even saying those words. But, I'm glad there is a marker there. Maddie deserves that.
The last time I saw a lady bug was on the playground when Maddie came to visit (a few weeks ago). Well we saw one today, on Maddie's flowers. I bent down to fix them and this is what I saw.... a baby Maddiebug! It was so little and cute. My tears stopped for a minute and I smiled. Maddie knows just when to show up, right when we need her!
This Thursday is going to be VERY hard..It is Maddie's 6 month birthday. Please pray extra hard for us that day.
32 comments:
Beautiful
We're always thinking of you guys. I will be praying for you to get through Thursday with a smile on your face, and great memories of Maddie in your heart! Your family, and especially your little girl, is such an inspiration to me.
I'm sure she loved her bunny. :)
She's such a beautiful girl. I am sorry for your loss.
that is such a beautiful gift!!! I am praying for your family!!! God Bless!
This is the first time I've posted on your blog although I've been a follower for a few weeks now. I just wanted to let you know you're in one more persons thoughts and prayers. I have two children myself and I don't want to begin to imagine yours & your husbands pain. I can only pray that God & time both ease the ache and make it more bearable because I know that it will never fully go away.
Praying for you! xoxo, Cassie
I rarely comment because I never seem to have words that seem as right as I want them to be. I just want you to know how much you, your husband, and Maddie have impacted my life. You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers.
My thoughts and prayers are with you everyday and they will especially be with you on Thursday. I sent you a Facebook message too, but I will tell you here...Maddie visited me in Oklahoma yesterday. She was an inspiration to me at a point when I needed some confirmation. God bless your family.
Today while me and my 4 year Old were out walking a lady bug landed on her knee! She starred and at for a moment and said mommy I love that little lady bug So much.. I immediately thought of u and maddie & what your going through. I have never met you and live across the country but I and just wanted you to know, you are strongest person that I know! Your in my thoughts and prayers everyday! We are making lady bug crafts in horror of maddiebug today:) Danielle (Ontario,Canada.)
Always thinking and praying for you. Maddie is so proud of you!
So amazing! She loves her parents so much! Your Maddiebug is always there when you need her. :)
Praying for comfort for your family...I have thought of yaol everytime I see a lady bug and do not even know you but your story has heen very moving ...
She showed up to look at her bunny. Just beautiful.
I found your blog through another blog and have been following for a couple of weeks. I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl. This post breaks my heart. We too lost or daughter when she was a baby. It is such a horrible thing to have to go through. Jasmine would be 17 now. We still bring things to the cemetery for her (as much as we can get away with, cemetery people get grouchy). This post brings back such vivid memories and feelings. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you. It is a long a difficult journey, but know that your little girl is with you.
Maddiebug really is there just when you need her! What a beautiful confirmation that she is always with you - especially when you need her the most - like when you are sad. It's like she is saying "Don't be sad Mommy. See? I'm still here and I love you" - I think about you all often and follow your blog with a heavy heart, but your strength and faith amazes me and humbles me. *HUGS*
Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way!!
Even if you dont see her everyday she is still there! I send prayers to you and James everyday <3
I wish you a Thursday full of positive thoughts, sunshine, and tons of little Lady(Maddie)bugs. You're in my thoughts.
I want you to know that I have a little outfit for my baby girl that has Lady Bugs all over it and a bib that says "love bug". I think of Maddie every time I pick up my baby girl and hug her and hold her tight. The thing that Maddie has done the most (and you too) is remind me to take LOTS of pictures. Thank you for that reminder, I will never take a moment for granted.
thinking of you always, Maddie is going to LOVE her easter basket- I'm sure she is playing with it right now!!
Well.....I had to get on and tell you about this. I was looking on Amazon this morning and clicked on deals. How crazy is this:
http://www.warehousedeals.com/search.htm?keyword=baby+food&firstRow=24&count=12
I was in complete shock when I saw the Snuza and right next to it was the baby lady bug earrings. I tell you little Maddie is busy letting us all know that she is around. I got chills when I saw this. Love you girl!
We are always thinking about you guys and praying for you. I was looking on personalization mall this morning and happened to find this...
http://www.personalizationmall.com/Personalized-Kids-and-Baby-Clothes-Love-Bug-p8182.prod?sdest=StoreByPrice&sdestid=1&storeid=1
I immediately thought of you! I hope it brings a smile to your face today! :)
I started reading your blog last week and this weekend my daughter talked about ladybugs all weekend. Everytime she did I thought of your sweet angel. Just wanted to let you know I am keep your family in my prayers.
I had random ladybug "petals" in my kitchen yesterday. I'm not sure where they came from, but with my windows open all day, and my doors opening and closing all the time (little girls running in and out), I'm sure they just found their way inside. Thinking of you...
~Cameo Carolyn
Thinking of your family daily. Keep holding strong mama! BIG BIG BIG hugs to you and James. I wear my angel bracelet daily and think of her every day when I put it on. Mine just turned 4 months old, and she will know about Maddie as she grows up.
That is a Beautiful picture I so believe that Maddie sent that lady bug : )
I know Maddie sent that LAdy bug : ) Beautiful picture. She will love her Easter basket!
How sweet that it was a little baby Maddiebug too! She loves you both so much and it is obvious that she is with you all of the time.
I know this must be a hard holiday to be apart of but just remember the true meaning of Easter and it may just make you smile, even if just for a moment.
There is a ladybug on the outside of my bedroom window right now. Immediately thought of your Maddiebug :)
That's so sweet that she dropped in on you during your visit. I feel terrible for you when you write of your agony and grief. It must have been hard that she passed away so suddenly but with SIDS it's always so much more painful because there's so much mystery surrounding it. It leaves you with so many unanswered questions but mostly WHY!? I will be thinking of you as I always do especially since my daughter was born just 2 weeks after your Maddie but this Thursday I will send much healing and love your way. x
Anytime I see lady bugs, I think of you and your little Maddiebug!! I love the picture of the little lady bug on her flowers. She is always with you, especially when you need her most. My family will be sending LOTS of prayers your way on this difficult day coming up!! You and James are always in our and prayers and never far from our thoughts. Love her Easter basket and I know she loves it too. Hugs from GA!!
My daughter introduced me to your blog and I love it. Your pictures are beautiful. Your little girl is beautiful. I will pray that God comforts your family and helps you get through this difficult time. Just know she is in the best of care and that she is even at work from where she is. She is guiding you and helping you reach out to many people through your blog.
Ladybugs are our Savanna sign also :) So glad she came to visit! You are so right though.. our girls know just when we need them.. I got our first visit the weekend of her 1st birthday.. our first of the season.. it was fitting.. I am so thankful the Lord allows these small but great and meaningful blessings to let us know our girls are with us every step of the way. Even if it's not the way we want. thinking of you and sending ladybug love your way. xoxo
Your blog is beautiful. What a beautiful precious gift from the Lord!! I don't know you but please know that you are an encouragement to so many. You are finding joy and rejoicing in this horrible trial in your life. Though, I haven't lost what you have lost but your attitude through this journey is amazing and definitely speaks to me and shows me that I can get through anything God gives me. And no matter what it is, there is always something to be joyful in. Thank you for sharing your story and being so transparent for us. PRAYING! :)
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