I love you so much. I miss you so much. I hope you dont feel like daddy and I are forgetting about you. I talk to Jackson everyday about you. I usually cry every time I tell him about you. It hurts my heart that he will never really "know" you. My heart is still so broken but so full. It's such a strange feeling baby. I miss you so much. I wish you were here to play with Jackson and give him kisses.
You will always be a part of our family. We will always include you and we will never ever forget you. You will always be my first baby and always be Jackson's big sister. He will know about you.
I know you picked out Jackson just for daddy and I. He is such a good baby. There are many things he does that reminds us of you. He sticks out his lips just like you did and when he stretches he looks just like you.
I am trying to hold it together. I'm trying really hard, but sometimes I just can't. Keep holding me tight Maddiegirl.
Thanks for watching over us. Daddy and I are still so nervous about Jackson's monitor going off. When I get scared, I talk to you. I hope you can hear me. It really helps calm me down and makes me feel better. Daddy is going back to work soon, so Jackson and I will be talking to you a lot. Keep listening baby girl.
I talk to Jackson so much about you that I bet you are wondering when we are going to take him to see your spot. We will soon baby...very soon!
Keep watching over us. We love you so much!
Love always,
Mommy
22 comments:
Oh kellie. You are so strong. That was so sweet. I love you all!
I think about you often, wondering how you're doing since Jackson was born. I'm so sorry your Maddie isn't here on Earth to share in your new joy.
Praying for Ya'll! You are so strong
Kellie~ This post touched my heart deeply. I can't imagine the heartache you must be feeling at such a heartfelt time of holding Jackson. I admire your strength to talk about your feelings & emotions. I hope you know how much love, care, concern & prayers you have from all your blog buddies :-) I will continue to keep you, James & Jackson in prayer. I pray he blesses you abundantly!! And Maddie is ALWAYS with you & I hope you feel her everyday in everyway!!! Much love & may prayers,
Kellie, I have followed your story for a long time now. I don't know the hurt you feel but I know the joy of a new baby. I think Maddie was trying to help you put your heart back together sending Jackson to you. She had such an amazing life with you and wanted to share you. A mother never forgets the beautiful life she created! I know she's watching down on you and listening to the stories you tell Jackson. Much love to all FOUR of you!
Kellie, I have followed your story for a long time now. I don't know the hurt you feel but I know the joy of a new baby. I think Maddie was trying to help you put your heart back together sending Jackson to you. She had such an amazing life with you and wanted to share you. A mother never forgets the beautiful life she created! I know she's watching down on you and listening to the stories you tell Jackson. Much love to all FOUR of you!
I know your sweet sweet Maddie is always with you! I can't imagine how much you miss her! I will be praying for you and sweet baby Jackson.
I know a miscarriage isn't even close to the loss of a baby but after I had my Miscarriage. I named my baby and I loved him so much and I got pregnant with my sweet baby boy Matthew and I told my baby that is with Jesus that I'm not replacing him. I know he knows that. And my Matthew heals my heart more and more each day.
Praying for you!
Hi Kellie. Maybe this will give you peace of mind. My sister was born 20 years ago (in 1991). She was sent home on an Apnea monitor because she quit breathing in the hospital. I don't remember how long she used the monitor because I was only 5 at the time, but she turned out just fine! :) Jackson will be okay, I promise! <3
(((HUGS)))
Maddie understands - she is the director of this Symphony after all.
I know the guilt of being happy after a tragedy but Maddie would want you to be happy. God wants you to be happy. He has a plan for you and although this is not the easiest plan it is the plan for you and your family. I lost a baby to Anecephaly 9 years ago and the anniversary is coming up on the 30th of May. I still have moments where I am sad but then I look at all God has given me and am thankful that through a test I now have a testimony! I just asked my husband is it ok to still be sad so many years later? He of course said yes but I try not to let it consume me. I lay it at Gods feet so He can pick it up and carry it for me.(not that this is easy and May 30th I'm always a mess) I hope this gives you some positive thoughts. Praying for you, James, and Jackson.
So beautiful. Thank you for sharing your emotions. Your love for BOTH of your children is so apparent in that post. Maddie will also be with you, and Jackson will come to know and love her as well. Prayers for your family, I think of you so often!
You are so strong. I cried reading your words. I cannot imagine living them. Maddie is with you always. Hugs!!
Kellie, in reading your post (and I read them all) I seem to hear you saying that you feel guilty because of a new happiness you have found. Maddie is and will always be a part of you and will always be in your heart. God has given you such a precious gift in your new son and wants you and your family to be happy. ITS OK TO BE HAPPY! Just because you accept this happiness doesn't mean that you are putting Maddie aside or forgetting her, it just means that you are expanding your heart to feel this happiness, also.
Hi....I can imagine your anxieties about your sweet new baby. Keep on praying! Maddie is watching over him. :o) I'm praying for you guys also. Can't wait to see more pictures of the snuggly little guy!!! --Rose
She met him first! They will be forever friends! She held his hand as he came into this world to meet you both! She is forever in your hearts and all around each one of you. I'm so sorry you have this pain but so thankful for the journey you are allowing your life to take. My heart goes out to you! Praying for you always!
oh my goodness,had me crying all the way through it, ...Maddie is watching over you all and always will be :) congrats on her handsome perfect little brother, she could not have picked better then him! And all the nb pics are GREAT but my fav 2 ,cause I could not pick just 1 is you and him and the maddie pose with his daddy!..ok ok 1 more, his 1 day old pic with his Jackson outfit, nope one more...where he is snuggling the stuffed animal, lol ok I can't choose either lol, they're all PERFECT!!! :)
This post was beautiful! <3
As for the snuza (I believe that is what your talking about because I think you said you ordered one). I ordered one, my daughter is 8 weeks old and I have had it a little over 2 weeks now. Its the best thing I bought for her. I do want you to know, the alarm WILL go off sometimes, false alarms. Its the scariest thing in the world (and esp for you it will be). It usually alarms when its not sitting on the diaper right, AND sometimes (its only happened once) when my daughters diaper is overly full (it happened at night when she didn't wake up for a long time). But I CAN tell you that it has already been worth the scares and the money because one day she stopped breathing (I know babies do stop breathing a lot) the alarm sounded and I was in the bathroom...my sister was sitting right next to my daughter but I wanted to make sure she was still right there so I peaked around the corner and say Alyssas hands fly in the air, so I went back into the bathroom. My sister said 'don't do that to me' I thought she was talking to the snuza, but she said that Alyssa had stopped breathing. I don't know what would have happened if we didn't have it, don't want to know .But I just wanted to share my story with you, and let you know it DOES work. and to warn you that false alarms do happen!<3 But its HANDS DOWN the BEST thing I bought for my daughter, EVERY parent should own one.
Kellie - Your post to Maddie brought tears to my eyes. Sending hugs and prayers to all four of you!!
Kellie, you have been through so much heartache and joy in such a short amount of time. Mr. Hope is truly a blessing and your sweet little Maddiebug will always be with you and your family. I just know that Jackson is going to love having a guardian angel all his life! His big sister will always protect him :) Stay strong Momma. You are SO AMAZING.
Hugs from Georgia,
Jennifer oxoxoxoxoxox
I just have one thing to say about this post:
and that is ":-)"
Kellie,
This is so very sweet and I am crying typing this comment! Of course Maddie knows you love her to the moon and back and will never ever forget about her! She is in heaven smiling down at what a great mommy you are to her and to her new little baby brother Jackson! Of course he will know her, I am sure you even will put her picture with you guys in family pictures, my dear friend Katie Rowe she has a blog she lost her little girl Reese does that and it helps her a lot and always includes Reese in everything. They just did a butterfly release for her! I can't even imagine the mixed emotions you have! I just know what my friend Katie went through and now she has her Colson and it is still so very hard but Jesus helps ease the pain
xoxo
Post a Comment