Inspiration

My weekend with MeRa and the wonderful ladies of my conference group was so amazing. I know I have said this before, but I really feel rejuvenated and I feel like it’s ok to be happy again. Its ok to move on with this new life. It has been a hard journey, but realizing this I finally feel like it’s ok.

I am becoming the new me. I have not really figured what the new me will entitle, but for right now I feel good. I feel fresh. I feel hopeful.

At the beginning of my conference MeRa told us she started her conference series many many years ago by offering moms tips on how to take great photos of their kids. Well, she has inspired me to do the same.

So, what do you ladies think? How do you feel about me doing a conference for mom on how to take better pictures of your kids? You do not need a fancy camera like mine. There are many tricks to get good shots with a point and shoot. I was thinking about doing it some time in late June or mid July. I’d have to charge a fee to cover build costs and print supplies. Let me know what you all think. I am excited!!!!

Chicago

This weekend was AMAZING! It is going to be very hard to put into words how I felt this weekend. I just feel so GREAT, like a new person.

My mom and I got to Chicago very late on Friday. We were exhausted from teaching all day and by the time we got to the hotel and laid in bed it was midnight. I was SO excited about my conference I finally drifted off to bed at 2:30. Just a few hours later my alarm starts buzzing at 6:30...I didn't care because I was READY to go. I was ready to learn!!

My mom and I went to a yummy breakfast spot called eggsperience. Then we walked around the streets of Chicago. We saw the biggest McDonald's in America (the cab driver told us that not sure if its true). We walked up and down the streets and then it was time to go back to the hotel so I could go to my conference.

So, we went back to our room back up my camera bag and headed to the 6th floor. I was nervous. My stomach hurt and I wasn't feel well. This is strange for me I usually don't get to nervous.

MeRa started the conference and she is so sweet and kind. She makes you feel so good about yourself. The first day we learned all about out camera and we were promised w would feel confident and comfortable behind the camera by day two. Just as I was starting to really understand why we do certain thing on camera, it was time to a baby shoot. Yes, I freaked out to for many reasons. 1. I was not SO certain I understood what we just learned. 2. I haven't shot or really been around babies to much since Maddie passed away. (These babies were all different ages from 6 weeks to 9 months..). But I knew I NEEDED to practice to understand what I was doing.

I think I did pretty well. I didnt cry! I was so focused on my camera and the shoot that I was very calm and just having fun!!



Day 2 we learned more camera fundamentals and also more of the business side of things. We also had a family photo shoot. Let me just be honest I felt defeated. It was raining and very dark outside. We do not use flashes unless we HAVE to and well I dont have one...So, I had a VERY hard time. I did not actually get a photo that I would share with a family. MeRa said she would of canceled the photo shoot that day, I would of too! You have to set your self up for success right??

This weekend was AMAZING. Me Ra make me feel so special and important. She walked around and helped everyone. All the ladies there were so sweet. I just REALLY loved it. I would DEFIANTLY recommend this workshop for anyone.

So, today I am exhausted but relaxed. It was a weekend I really needed. It was a weekend that I felt like "Kellie", not that lady who lost her baby. Yes, I am glad Maddie's memory is alive and well but sometimes I feel like that is all I am now...that lady who lost her baby. This is the new me. My new journey.

So, now I have all these new tools in my box..I can't wait to take them out and use them!!

Here is Me Ra shooting us after our long weekend together!!

Stronger

I have been very strong the past couple of days. I am so proud of myself!

I went and met baby Chase. I knew it was going to be hard, but I was not sad! I was very happy. Happy for my best friend…happy for a new life…happy to meet baby Chase. He is so small . I don’t remember Maddie being so small and SO stinkin’ cute!!!! Catherine is such a GREAT mommy. I can't wait to go over and play with her boys this summer!!!!

Remember I will be VERY busy this weekend. I will not be able to blog much. I will update on Monday!

It’s also my mommies birthday this weekend.. So, Happy birthday to the BEST mother in the world!!!! I LOVE YOU!!

Busy...

I think one of the hardest part about this summer is going to be time alone. When I am alone I get sad. I start thinking..wondering..remembering..then I start crying..and CANT stop.

So, I promised my self this summer I would stay busy. Busy with photography, busy making bows, busy cleaning, busy hanging out with friends. I HAVE to stay busy!!!

Catherine

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart.

Today my best friend Catherine gave birth to her second child, Chase. She will forever have a special place in my heart.

Catherine has helped me through so many things.

She was there during the 8 moths when I cried and told her I was never going to be able to get pregnant. She kept telling me I would when the time was right. She held my hand, she helped me through.

She was there (through text) while I was in labor. I remember texting her saying, “I want to give up..” But she kept saying “No, you can’t..This is your day..You can do it!!”

She was there at 2am when Maddie had colic and I had no clue how to try and calm her down.

She helped me through all my breast feeding issues, cheering me on. Even tho I never had any milk and decided to give up, she was the one to assure me I did everything right.

She was there on that horrible day when we found out Maddie went to be with Jesus. She held me and James and told us it would be ok.

She was the one who brought me coffee and James a soda just a few days after the worst day of my life, just to let me know she was thinking of us.

She was the one who was pregnant during this hard time. She was the one who went to the funeral and saw my baby’s sweet body in the casket, yes she was not scared. She just wanted to be there for me..now that is a true friend.

Now it’ my turn. I am going to be there for her through the very hard first few weeks (and beyond). One baby is hard, two babies must be VERY hard. But, I will be there. I will be the strong one from today on!!

Here he is …baby Chase.

Chase Zakary Day... May 24th...6lb 15oz...19 1/2 inch...12:53pm

Also, I added a new item to my shop...A baby door hanger for the hospital. I made this one for Catherine!!

YUMMMMMY recipes

I saw these recipes on another blog and I want to cook them now!!!!

Coconut Chicken

12 chicken tenders
1-2 eggs (start with one and crack another if it runs out)
1/2 C flour
1 C sweetened coconut flakes
1 C panko bread crumbs
1 tsp garlic powder
3/4 tsp table salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1/4 tsp onion powder

preheat oven to 450 degrees.
Give coconut a rough chop so it's about the same size as the panko pieces.
Combine it with Panko and spices in a shallow dish. Mix well to distribute all of the spices.
Place the flour in another shallow dish, and the egg in another. Give the egg a quick beating.
Working with a few chicken tenders at a time, dredge in flour. Dip in egg, then finally coat in the coconut Panko mixture. Press in with your fingers to make sure the entire thing is well coated.
Place chicken tenders on a foil-lined baking sheet that has been sprayed with non-stick cooking spray. You can drizzle or spray olive oil on top for a crispier tender.
Bake in 450 degree oven for about 20 minutes or until juices run clear. If tenders are on the small side, they could even be done in about 15 minutes. If they're big they can take more like 25. The coconut will be nice and golden and the panko crisp, but light in color still.

Pineapple Dipping Sauce

1 cup yogurt (I've used pineapple yogurt too)
1 can pineapple tidbits
2 Tbsp powdered sugar
1/4 cup coconut
2 Tbsp coconut milk

combine all, refrigerate until ready to use.

The great thing about this recipe is you can change it up a bit. I've bought pineapple yogurt and just used that. I've substituted sour cream when I didn't have yogurt. I've omitted the coconut milk and just added coconut. Play around with it until it's to your liking. The above recipe is my fav though.

Mexican Chicken

1 whole chicken OR 4 chicken breast

10 pkg flavored Doritos (I've used anything from plain chips to spicy flavored chips. Choose what you like), crushed

1/2 or 1 whole onion or 1 Tbsp minced onions

1 cup chicken broth

1 can cream of celery soup

1 can cream of chicken soup

1 can rotell tomatoes

1 Tbsp chili powder

16 oz cheddar cheese

Start out by layering the bottom of a 9x13 pan with crushed chips, then onion, chicken and pour the broth over the top. In a bowl combine the cream soups (I've also used 2 cream of chicken soups) with the rotell (I've also mixed crushed tomatoes with green chilis when I haven't been able to find rotell overseas) and chili powder. Pour over other ingredients and top with cheese. Bake at 400 for 30 minutes

Roasted Ravioli's
2 tablespoons milk

1 egg

3/4 cup Italian seasoned bread crumbs (this can easily be done by just adding some basil and oregano to some plain bread crumbs)

1/2 teaspoon salt (optional)

1/2 (25 ounce) package frozen raviolis (any flavor)

vegetable oil for frying (enough to generously cover the bottom of the pan, but you don't want too much)

grated Parmesan cheese

marinara sauce

Combine milk and egg in a small bowl. Place breadcrumbs and if desired, salt in a shallow bowl. Dip ravioli in milk mixture, then coat with breadcrumbs.

In a large heavy pan, pour oil about an inch deep. Heat oil over medium heat until a small amount of breading sizzles and turns brown. Fry ravioli, a few at a time, 1 minute on each side or until golden. Drain on paper towels. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese and serve immediately with hot marinara sauce.

All recipes from here...enjoy!!!!!

Who ever said this would get easier?

I thought this was supposed to get easier? I feel like its getting harder. As time goes on I miss Maddie more and more.

This summer is going to be hard. There were so many things I wanted to do with her like go swimming, hang out with Mimi, just spend time with her and not work. I wish I could do all of those things.

Today James and I went to Target to grab some stuff that I had coupons for and we walked by the baby clothes. They had the cutest little girl bathing suits, and that hurt. I am a swimmer. I swam for years, and I love swimming. So, I was really looking forward to swimming with Maddie. Seeing those bathing suits was like a dagger in my heart. I won't get to see her face when I put her in the pool for the first time. I won't get to spend this summer with her just hanging out. I won't get to make her bows that perfectly match her 4th of July outfit.

I keep trying to cheer myself on. Telling my self I can do this, but at some point you get tired. You get weak and I think I am getting to that point. I need to stay focused. I can get through this. I will get through this.

James is one of the many reasons of why I am so strong. He picks me up when I am down. He cheers me on when I just don't think I can go on. In everything I do, the stregnth I have is for him and our Maddiegirl.

I love you Maddiebug.