I think it's final sunk it.. She not coming back. Maddie is really gone. This whole time I keep thinking, "Oh Maddie's just at my moms house...". She stayed over there often, but she's not. She really is gone. I will really never get to see her again until I meet Jesus.
I really want to see her, but I don't want to speed up my life. I know she will always be waiting for me in heaven. I want to enjoy my time here on earth with James, my future babies, family and friends. What I really want it to to love life again. I want to feel that joy I felt when I was with Maddie. I miss that so much!!!
From this tragedy I have learned to appreciated every day! Tell your family, and friends you love them often, and enjoy life. You just never know when its your time. Sing, laugh, dance, act silly, goofy off, cry, and do what you love! Don't let anyone get you down.. this is your life live it to the fullest.
Meg's friend made this for us.. It made us cry..It's so sweet! Thank you!!!
54 comments:
Kellie - thank you for sharing your story. I truly admire your strength. I don't know you, but you and Maddie have really touched my heart. I pray for you and cry for you every day. I'm crying right now as I hold my 4 month old daughter, Liana. You have taught me to never take a moment for granted, and to treasure every minute with my daughter. I used to stress about having to work, take care of the baby, and manage a house, but I have a whole new outlook now. I don't stress over the little things that just don't matter. I pray that God continues to help you through this terrible time. I pray that God blesses you with more babies when the time is right, and I hope that in time you will love life again. I'm so very sorry.
Big hugs,
Serene and Liana
You truly inspire and amaze me. I read your blog everyday and have been thinking about you and praying for you ever since I discovered it. I just don't know what else to say. Your family is a real treasure and I am just so incredibly sorry for your loss.
OMG!!! I can not believe how that video has touched me. I have read your whole blog, and cried when Maddie passed away. But this video that Meg's friend did for you - I have sat here and sobbed, for quite some time tonight. I mean sobbed. I hope this video helps a little bit to help you find some peace in your heart. Maddie knows you love her, pray for her, talk to her, but one thing is for sure that she would not want you to do is, like you said - not make your time on Earth go faster, love your life again, have a brother or sister for her(when time is right) and enjoy every moment you have. Hugs to you and James... :)
My heart aches for you. I think you are such a brave woman. I pray for you each day. I can't thank you enough for sharing your story. God will never leave you or forsake you. Maddie will be waiting for you in a place much better than this world. A place where she never has to feel pain or hurt. Praying for you.
This video made me cry my eyes out too! B/c of yours and the Rosses Blog's that I read each day, it has made me see life so much diff and better. I too have changed to a better mother to my 2 yr old. I have so much patience for him now and never get mad.. Thank you!!! The video is beautiful and I pray God will wrap his arms around you and your hubby and let you enjoy life again and be happy...
((((hugs))))
Kellie, I think of and pray for you and James every day. I have a 6 month old daughter, and I can't even imagine the hurt you are feeling. You are so strong, and courageous to continue writing... I truly admire you. You have opened my eyes so wide, and I want to thank you. I only hope that your joyful memories will overcome your pain someday. Thinking of you.
Samantha and Gwen
The slide show is beautiful. Maddie is beautiful. It made my heart go out to you, and I cried for you. You're such a strong woman and I appreciate you sharing your story and your effort to help educate about SIDS. I admire your strength kellie.
Always praying for you
Ashley
Be strong Kellie I know its hard. You are very loved, very very VERY much! You & your family have impacted so many people its amazing how you have opened so many peoples eyes & have made them even better people. You really are an inspiration. I will continue to pray for you & be here for you thru the good & bad days you have. I will try to come visit you as much as I possibly can because you deserve to be happy :) I am truly blessed that Maddie has brought me to you in this time of need, im so glad that I can be someone you can turn to when you feel like there is no hope. I wish I could take some of your pain away, but I cant...all I can do is offer to be a good friend to you. Bless your heart.
Love: Megg
I so wished maddie was at your.moms! Keep your head up like your doing! Who knows maybe maddie will come in your next.pregnancy! You never know! I have heard of that before but not sure if its true or not
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and your story!
You continue to amaze me. Your strength is unbelievable!!
You make me want to be a better Mom. I thank you so much for making me see that I should not take things for granted. <3 Blessings to you and James.....Sachamom
Kellie,
My husband and I have just decided to have another baby (we have a 3 ½ year old girl now); we are going to start trying in May. I did not know if I was ready to have another but I think your story (witch I have been following from day 2) has made me realize that I do want another one. I had thought about not having another till I was out of school and settled into a job but your story changed that for me as well. I was able to stay home with my daughter for the first 3 years and then I went back to school and I only go 3 days a week. But after reading your story I just know without a doubt that I will stay home with another. I decided that I would rather not be paying off student loan or feel like I had wasted a lot of money if I where not going to work. And I know if I had my degree that I would feel like I had to get back out there and go to work as soon as I could and then I would cheat myself and my new baby out of the time that I could have with them. Thank you for keeping this blog and for letting it be public I know it has touched my life and made me slow down kiss my daughter more and be a better parent and person. Also thank you for the bit on car seats I think I read it from your facebook and I’m glad that I saw that I will most defiantly keep my next baby in a rear facing car seat for 2 years. My friends and family tell me that my daughter is old anuf to be in just a booster but I tell them no way she will stay in a 5 point car seat until she is just too big for one (at least 7 years old). I’m sorry for your loss and I still pray for you all the time, I pray god gives you and James the strength to do what he has set out for you(I believe that he wants you to educate people as you are doing). You have changed many peoples lives and I than k you for that. Stay another day stronger and remember even on your weakest days you’re a little bit stronger. Much love Kristy (khester24@netscape.net)
I know it's hard to see the future right now but I thought I'd share the blog of another family who has been in your shoes. I hope reading their struggle with losing their daughter as well helps you remember that you are not alone.
http://richandjenn.blogspot.com/
http://babylillyspad.blogspot.com/
it made me cry too!
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing.
so beautiful....prayers and hugs to you
Kellie,
You post made me sad but then again it made me happy. Sad that Maddie will never get to come back but happy that you know that you will be able to love again and feel joy. I bet Maddie is in Heaven smiling because she wants to see her mommy and daddy happy again. The video is so sweet. I lvoed it and I couldn't help but cry. I have sent so many prayers up for you and I pray that you continue to find your strength from God and keep your faith because one day we are going to see Maddie again.
Love in Christ,
Crystal
The video was amazing and very touching. I am sorry for your loss she was a beautiful little girl, I do hope you get some answers from the police report. It felt like it needed some investigating and if the babysitter did something you do want her to be dealt with in an appropriate way. Again I am in prayer for you as a grandma of six I cannot imagine your loss.
Kellie, one day you&James will be happy again & with a house full of future babies♥.I know how you feel,it's hard to move on with life,when part of you is missing.You are such an amazing person to share your heartbreak with all of us.THANK-YOU for sharing the info on SIDS&SUID.I have a 21month old & I never new there was such a thing called SUID! I hear there is a sleeping type bag for older babies:) Im now on the hunt for one! LOVE the video of Maddie&also the video at the top of your blog..made me cry♥ stay strong kellie♥
lots of ♥♥♥ from Canada:)
Kellie-
Thank you for sharing that beautiful video that Meg's friend made for you!! It's so touching and a wonderful treasure to always hold close to your heart! I always pray for you, and as life continues to move forward and you become stronger...just always know that the memory of Maddie will never fade! She will always be right there with you and James! You are an amazing mother, and when you do decide to have future children, they are going to be so blessed to have such great parents and a wonderful, and beautiful big sister watching over him or her!! <3 Much love from Wisconsin!
Cassie
I follow your blog everyday. I cried from this video that was made for you, which is very beautiful. Madison is a beautiful little and is a beautiful angel that is watching over you every second of every day. I get teary eye looking at my 6 month old son cause I think of your story. You are such a strong incredible women that has delt with such a tragedy. I pray that god gets you through these difficult times and blesses you with another beautiful child. God bless and I'll pray for strength for you and your family. Maddie is one beautiful angel.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We know Maddie is patiently waiting for you in Heaven when the time is right. As of right now she's watching over you and James. Your blog entries are very moving and inspiring. Your family is in our prayers.
Everyday I read your blog and have been since I found out that your precious baby passed away. Maddie reminds me of my Stella, they were born only a day apart.
I wish you could have her back, it just isn't fair for you and James. I hope that you will love life again and knowing how much you love Maddie I'm confident that good things will happen to you and your family.
I appreciate you sharing Maddie's story as it has touched my life in many ways.
God bless you and I'll continue to pray for you, James, and Maddie.
I had to stop watching that video because I'm getting ready to head to work and I don't want to cry off all my makeup. I will definitely be back later tonight to finish watching it.
I have been reading your blog for awhile now... but wanted to comment.
That video is just precious... so beautiful... & heart breaking.
My prayers go out to you & your husband as you carry on each day.
My heart is broken for you and your family. I will pray for you and your future. Maddie is the most beautiful angel there is!! Such a horrible loss and there are no words I could possiably say to help ease your pain. Just know that I, along with thousands, are praying for you..and I hope you can feel them. -Lori from TN
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you and your sweet Maddie. I know how bad your pain is. I've been living it for 16.5 months now. The pain doesn't get any easier - it just becomes a part of your life. I pray for your peace daily.
Thank you for sharing that video!! It was so beautiful. I have been following your blog for a really long time and you and your husband amaze me and I pray for you guys all the time!!
I'm not sure how I stumbled upon your blog but it is so powerful to read. I lost my husband 2 years ago when my daughter was 10 days old and my son was 17 months old. For months, I convinced myself he was on a business trip (never mind that he never travelled for work!). It is a survival instinct and completely understandable that we do it. The pain of realizing the truth is almost unbearable. I pray for you and your family that you will have the strength to carry on and live the joyful life you so want (and Maddie would to).
I just recently stumbled upon your blog and I just want to say that my heart breaks for you. I just watched the slideshow and the tears will not stop. I crazy how I don't even know you but I just want to hug you. I will keep your family in my prayers, I just cannot imagine :*(
You are right. Through your story we have learned to appreciate every second that we have with our little one. I thank Maddie for that everyday. She is a special little angel.
my girls are on spring break right now and we just watched the video together,they ask about Madison all the time and about you and your hubby. I can't imagine how you feel,i watched this and got the empty feeling in my heart wow, I pray that GOD give you all the strenght you so need everyday to carry on. I know Madison would want you to continue life happy the way you show her how to be happy. She is in heaven playing and dancing just waiting for the day she gets to be back in her mommy and daddy's arms and feel you kisses again.
I'm not really a blog follower, well actually I only look at two. My wifes (to make sure she's not busting my chops) and yours (to check in and see how you and your husband are doing). I learned of what ya'll are going through from my wife and it just broke my heart. For what it's worth Maddie not only touched your life, but ours as well. She has made me a better husband and father. Thank you so much for allowing us to get to know her and for sharing your story.
Absolutely beautiful! She's such an angel and inspiration to all of us.
I am so sorry for your loss. I read your blog all the time. I am crying from your beautiful video.
thank u for sharing this beauitful video..it made me cry..you have a beautiful family..much love
I came across your blog from a prayer request that someone else had put on their blog. I have read it everyday since your horrible loss. I cry my eyes out almost every day for you and your husband and I say a little prayer for you each day as well. I keep asking myself why I am torturing myself reading this...then something keeps telling me...this poor momma is living this tragedy and I am meant to read it to lift you up in prayer...bc you can never have too many people pray for you. Your a brave woman and I admire the honesty and stregth you show by sharing your life like this...I have a 6 year old and a 6 month old and I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. Through you sharing your life you have helped me to remember whats really important in life and it helps me not to be stressed about managing my family along with my home and my career...But instead to be thankful for each day and see the good in everything! I am so incredibly sorry for your loss...I will continue to be with you in prayer!
What a blessing little Maddie was in the short time that she lived on Earth. Your family is quite an inspiration, and I admire your strength. I have a 3 year old daughter, and a 4 month old baby girl- and your story has really allowed me to take time out for them - even when I think that I don't have the time at the moment. May God carry you through the tough days, and shine down His marvelous blessings each day. Thanks for sharing your story.. and for letting us cry with you.
Just got back to my desk, had to hunt around the office for some kleenex. What a touching video and a beautiful song. My heart truly breaks for you. I'm so glad you took so many pictures of your little Maddie, she is just precious. Thanks for sharing your special memories. She has touched so many of us.
Now I just want to leave work and go hug my little girl. =)
Kellie, You are such a strong woman. Since I read your story yesterday I have taken 416 pictures (literally) of my daughter Ava and son Mikey. Today is Ava's 4 month birthday and I can't stop thinking how you lost your little girl just 2 days later. It terrifies me! I think its so great that you are blogging. I know that your story has touched my heart and has changed how I look at everyday with my kids.
Thank you!
kisses and hugs,
Natalie
I really don't know what to say,I just wanted to tell you that I pray for you and your family everyday,I have been following your blog for sometime now and I have never had a story touch me like yours has!!! I read your blog every morning and then I kiss my two daughters and tell them I love them, I am so much more thankful for every day that I get to be there mother and I just wanted to say thank you for putting your story out there for everyone to read because I know if Maddie has touched my life so deeply then she has done so for many more and her job here on earth has been done.Again thank you!!!!
Just made me think...you carried her for a time and now she will carry you through the rest of your life!
OH Kellie I'm in tears right now. My heart just aches for you and your husband. Your Maddie is so precious, her and my youngest are only a few weeks apart and I couldn't imagine not having her around. You are so strong.
Thank you for sharing that beautiful video of your sweet Maddie.
big hugs!!
Heidi
Kellie I just want you to know that I am thinking of you. Your story has made me a better mom. I hold my baby boy and spend more time with my girls now. When my baby cries at night I am so happy to hear him. My heart breaks for you. My mom lost her first born son when he was 2 years old. That was 33 years ago and not one day since those 33 years past has she not thought about him at least once every day. She told me that the other day. The pain will never go away but it will lesson and you will eventually find your new "normal". It's okay to hurt. It's okay to cry. Think of Maddie and all the great memories you have of her. Write them down somewhere because those things will fade from your memory in the future. You won't forget her but you might forget something little she did, so please write it down now or when you think of things. My mom has always talked about my brother to me and my siblings. I was only 7 weeks old when he died but I feel like I did know him through all the stories my mom told me. I had a baby in December and I named him Nathan after my brother.
Kellie, i read your blog daily and have since the day after your sweet Maddie went to be with Jesus. My baby girl Kasyn is four months today and I am glad you said to enjoy life, because I am having a difficult time i feel like i am spending all my time worrying about losing my children and not enjoying them as much as a i should. I kept telling myself that if God were to decide it was there time there is nothing I could do about it to just enjoy them.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us. I get on here every day just to see how you are doing. You are an inspiration. I have a 10 day old son and you have helped to make me so much more aware of things I wouldn't have thought twice about. I pray for you and your husband and truly believe your Maddie is watching over you guys! Thank you again!
Such a beautiful video, Kellie and thank you for sharing with us. I know that none of your future children can take Maddie's place but they will be the luckiest kids in the world to have you and James as their parents. Continued prayers for you and your family.
~Amanda
Beautiful video....yes, I cried.
God bless you and Hubbi, Momma!
((big hugs)) always!!!
What a beautiful video! Thank you for sharing it with us! Your baby girl is so beautiful! I read your blog every day and every day I am amazed by your strength. I pray the Lord continues to provide you and your husband with the strength you need to get through this!
hi kellie
you and your hubsband are turely amzing,im sorry for your loss, i may only be 16 but your story has really touched my heart, over the past 5 years i have lost 3 very dear people to me but i cannot image losing a little baby, but she is with the angels now watching over you.
that video was amazing and i was in tears watching it,it has inspired me to make my own video of pictures and memories of my uncle,nanna and bampy so i can remmember them even more
i wish you the best and that you are string everyday, just keep hold of the memories and dont ever let go of them
god bless and take care and remember that she's watchving over you
big hugs
soph xxxxxx
hi kellie
you and your husband are truly amazing. i may only be 16 but your story has really touched my heart as i have lots of little ones in my family.
over the past 4 years i have lost 3 very close family members, i thought the pain for them was bad enought but to lose your little princess/prince must be 1000 times worse. just watching the video had me in tears,but it has inspired me to create my own video of pictures and memories of my uncle,nanna and bampy.
i wish you the best and im sorry that you didnt have a life time with her.
god bless,big hugs and remember that she's always watching over you
soph xxxx
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