I am mad because our perfect little girl went to be with Jesus 5 weeks ago today. I am mad because I feel cheated...Cheated of the rest of her life. I know I have said it a million times already, but it's NOT FAIR!!!! Somedays I feel like I can do this.. Today isn't one of them. It think because it's Thursday. Thursday's are now my least favorite day of the week!!!! But then again I think... I HAVE to do this...for James and for our future babies. I have to keep going. Everything I do is for James and our future children...bows, blocks, photography, teaching, SIDS awareness all for them and Maddie too <3
Excited..and nervous...
I am excited and nervous because I am taking a photography class tonight with this talented Houston photographer, Chris W. I am so excited and so nervous. I hope tonight I learn some GREAT tips. Wish me luck!!!
Also please go donate for TEAM M!
43 comments:
Good luck tonight!! YOu will do great!!
Thinking of you...like I do often. You will be a famous photographer yourself one day. Why? Because you are strong and are committed! You have so much support behind you. I don't know you I just know your story. But I know you will get through this. Tears along the way, heart ache along the way...but you will be do great.
Good luck! I am sure you will do great! I just want to say what a strong, amazing, wonderful person and mother you are. I check in every day to read your posts and you are in my thoughts and prayers daily. I cannot fathom the pain you are in and can only hope that it will sting less and less. Today I sat and read your WHOLE blog as far back as I could and I am just impressed with the wonderful person you are. Maddie is so lucky to have you as her mommy. Praying for you often. Serena
Good luck with your class!!
Thinking of you today like I do often even though I do not know you personally you are always in my prayers<3
Good luck tonight. I read your post every day - Reading your blog today you said you do it for James and the other babies - You need to do it for yourself too... You are going to have bad days but you are going to have more good days than bad days. Keep your faith in the lord and he will help you thru this. You have your family and your friends that will keep you strong and help you thru the bad days.
Maddie has made a change in a lot of us out there. She has made us better people and moms - You have shown us to look at the whole pictures not just the little things - to take an extra minute with your precious babies.
When God calls little children to dwell with Him above,
We mortals sometimes question the wisdom of his love.
For no heartache compares with the death of one small child, Who does so much to make our world seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to His fold, so He picks a little rosebud before it can grow old.
...God knows how much we need them, so He takes but a few, To make the land of heaven more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult, still, show how we must try,
The saddest word mankind knows will always be "goodbye."
So when a little child departs, we who are left behind
Must realize God loves children...Angels are hard to find.
Remember that Maddie is always with you and is always looking down on you. Look to the night sky on a clear day.
The star that to you, appears to be bright,
Will be your loved one,
Looking upon you during the night.
The lights of heaven are what shows through
As your loved one watches all that you do.
When you feel lonely for the one that you love,
Look to the Heavens in the night sky above.
((HUGS)) to you and James... You are an amazing woman. Thank you for making me a better person and mom!!!
Good Luck tonight!!! U will do just fine. And Maddie will be with you all the way right by your side, making sure you learn everything you need to learn to become the best photographer you can be!!!
Good luck!! :)
I'm sure Maddie will be with you tonight at your class and you will do great. :)
Kellie - I thought of SEVERAL friends while reading the book "Heaven is for Real." I HIGHLY recommend it for you... You won't be disappointed.
I am so excited about your photography class tonight! :) From what I've seen of your photos, you should be just a natural student and I'm sure will have an awesome talent for it! I know that in this next year and on, you will feel every emotion that ever existed. My son-in-laws sister lost her little boy to SIDS. The biggest thing she said was that she wanted to make sure that his existence was acknowledged, and that people didn't avoid talking about him, and that she could carry on his legacy, much in the same way you are doing for Miss Maddie. I am a grandmother of two, and a mother of two daughters, I cry many times when I read your blog, and I know your heart is broken, and believe me, you have a whole lot of people you have blessed with the story of yours, James, and Maddie's life. :) Make sure to give yourself permission to enjoy life again slowly but surely, Maddie would have wanted that for you, I have no doubt! Hugs sweet girl!
Kellie- Today was the first day I have read your blog. I started from beginning to end. Your journey has been something very emotional. I decided to change the writings of my own blog because of it. I felt a sense of healing through reading your blog. I have never given birth but have had 2 miscarriages and have been trying to conceive for about 3 years now. I know the feeling of, "It's not fair" and seeing other families with babies and wondering what my 2 babies would have been like if they were here or when I will get to hold my own child. I feel like I can have some healing and emotional closure by reading your posts and writing my own! Thank you for your strength!!
Good luck tonight! Your very talented &I'm sure you will learn lots:)And Maddie will be there too to watch over you♥ Sorry today is another hard day.And it's ok to keep saying "it's not fair& to feel cheated" ~don't EVER let anyone make you feel otherwise!
lots of ♥♥from Canada:)
You will be awesome tonight b/c Maddie will be right by your side guiding you! Hope you have a wonderful night!! Lots of Hugs your way and as always you are in my thoughts and prayers!!
Love,
Laura Deckard
Hi Kellie:
Like this song says, I can only imagine..., but what we can do is pray for you every second and ask God for constant support and guidance in such a difficult time. Thanks for your writing, you're such a blessing for so many people, including myself, enjoy your class that way we can enjoy your pictures....
Sarah
that is so great that you are pursuing your dream for photography!! have fun tonight :)
GO GET EM GIRL!!!
I cannot wait to see what pictures you take with the knowledge you gain tonight!
Maddie is always in our thoughts and prayers, as are you. Stay strong, hun.
Good luck tomight. You should be very proud of yourself. You are a very strong woman! Cant wait to see more pics from you.
checking in on you and still praying!!!
It isn't fair :( ...hoping your future Thursday's will be a little brighter than today. I hope you enjoy your class though!
Thinking of you!
Dionna
www.ourlifes-d.blogspot.com
You are so right it isn't fair!! Good luck with tonight I know you will love it!!
xoxo
Kelli @ loveoursimplelife.blogspot.com
Let's somehow make thursday a memoriable day somehow make it a happy day
good luck tonight... and i cant wait to see pics of your beautiful future children...
I have never posted on your blog before but,I look at your blog daily now after hearing about Maddie. I cry with you everyday and I have so many of the same emotions and thoughts. We lost our 4 month old baby boy August Sky to SIDS on November 21st 2010. My thoughts and prayers are with you guys. You are one brave mommy. Best wishes to you tonight!
This poem by EE Cummings makes me think of you.
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
You have every right to be mad. I would be mad too. Have fun at your photography class I hope you learn a lot!
It is not fair!!!! Im so sorry..
Chin up buttercup!! God must have more exciting things in your life to come. xoxo
Thinking of you. Enjoy your class you will do amazing! I can't wait to see your future work :)
hi there! youre in houston!??!?!?! I AM TOO!!! my dad is a photographer and i want to start up in photography this summer. maybe we can meet some day? i feel like i know you through reading your post and i love how you are so strong. have fun tonight at class. where are your classes?
I <3 your courage and strength. I read your blog and pray for you daily. There is no doubt in my mind Maddie and Maci are best best friends and heavens most beautiful angels.
I’ve been following your blog and reading it every few days. I haven’t stopped praying for you over the past 5 weeks. I still cry when I read some of your blogs, but I am so proud of you! Its so awesome how you and James have grown closer together through this. Its sad but a lot of marriages fall apart after something like this happens. You guys are a wonderful example and encouragement to everyone you know. And to those who have never even met you :)
-Your prayer warrior,
<3 Jess Thomas
Good luck! I love reading your blog. Its so inspiring and as im about to become a mom you are teaching me so much, so thank you.
Kellie - you have every right to be mad. It isn't fair, and I'm so sorry that this happened.
I hope your class went well. You are already a great photographer, and I know you will only get better. You took some beautiful photos of Maddie.
I hope tomorrow is a good day for you.
Thinking of you and praying for you,
Serene
I have been reading your blog ever since a friend of mine posted about your sweet little girl and have just found the courage to post a comment. Everyday I think about you, your husband and sweet baby girl. My husband and I have a 7 month old little girl named Maci and we pray for you everyday. When I think about you, it helps me to cherish every moment I have with her. I think you are such a strong woman, mother and wife. You are doing such a wonderful job and I pray the Lord gives you and your husband the strength to get through everyday. I just want you to know that even someone that is hundreds of miles away is praying for you everyday.
I hope your class went well. I'm sure Maddie was there with you. It ISN'T fair, it really isn't. That is why I have so much admiration for you as you have found the strength to go on. Maddie continues to touch my life...what a special little girl she is. Sending love as always.
Helen & baby Celia Rose
Everyday you inspire me. I smile when I read about your easier days, I cry when I read about your harder ones. I look forward to seeing more of your pictures, you really do have a talent. I have tried photography before and it just isn't my thing. It is very hard to do, to edit them well. I am proud of you and James. I am proud of your families, I know it must be hard on them too. They miss Maddie, and I know it must kill them to see you both hurting and there is nothing they can do. You will see her some day, keep thinking about that day. Make sure to live each day for her. You are a wonderful person, and your husband as well. Such strong people. I was on a mini vaction this week, and I was on pins and needles waiting to read your blog when I got back. I think about yall often, and pray for yall. It is weird but things remind me of Maddie as well, I think about her daily. She is having fun up in Heaven. Have a good day.
I've been following your blog since I heard the bad news. My heart goes out to you. I have a 1-year-old and I don't know what I would do if I lost him. I can't say I know what you're going through but I can say I understand. I lost my father when I was 9 and even though the pain and sorrow is gone, I still miss him terribly. Just know that each day you get stronger and your little girl wouldn't want you to be sad. Also know that you were blessed to be in her life for the few short months she was here and know that you were a good mommy to her. And that's all that matters.
I just donated, Kellie!
I'm glad I could help such a good cause and help spread awareness!
Much Love,
Victoria
you're right it's not fair. :(
keep your head up, and your eyes on the prize! life is worth living, EVERY DAY. even the hard ones!
Remember this: you were not jipped out of ONE DAY of little Maddie's life. She was with you for as long as God intended for her to be there with you. And yes, God did want Maddie back. She was too precious a flower to bloom on earth.
I have only a slight idea of what you're going through. I'm only fourteen years old. I've gone through many losses (4 in 2 years) and I know the pain of losing someone close to your heart. I know my words won't mean much, but remember this; Maddie is looking down at you with the LORD and is very proud of you for being so strong. :) You and your husband are always in my prayers.
Blessings,
Trini
Just donated for Team M - hope you gets TONS!
I just started reading your blog after finding it on the design girl website. I was ALMOST in your shoes myself. I brought my 8lb 7oz two wk late baby home from the hospital and that afternoon he was being rushed into the ER after his heart rate dropped so low, it actually did stop in the ambulance,they were able to save him and he was in the NICU for 8 days and is now a healthy boy after the rough start.The vna told me if she ahdn't been there he would have been a SIDS baby, I can't even imagine, I am so sorry for your loss your daughter is beautiful.
I have been following your blog as a friend showed it to me. I am so impressed by your strength! I honestly am! I cannot imagine going to through what you have been going through! Honestly. I felt impressed however, that through the gospel that I believe in--it says that the children we lose young in this life we will have a chance to raise in the next life. I don't know if it's my place to say that as it may not match your beliefs but I say it only that perhaps it will give you more strength and hope in that possibility. I pray for you often!
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