I made it through yesterday. I only lost it a few times. I am much stronger then I thought.
I went to Hobby Lobby to grab some stuff for crafts I'm making (I'm trying to keep busy). I live in that store, so I know where everything is. Yesterday I did not. I kinda just wondered around looking, not being able to find anything. I did great (screaming babies and all) until I walked by the Easter stuff. I wanted to get Maddie some Easter stuff for her grave. WAIT..for her grave.NO!!! Then I remembered ....shes gone and will miss her first Easter. I started thinking there are going to be many of those "firsts" she will miss...and I lost it..In the middle of Hobby Lobby by my self. I had to get out of there. I quickly paid. Luckily, my mom called me as I walking out the door and I cried some more. I walked to my car and just cried. I took a deep breathe and started to drive.
I wanted to take some pictures of a spot that could be a potential photo shoot location. So, I wiped my tears off and started to drive. I got to the location and there was a family there. I turned around to grab my camera bag. I looked up and the family had a little boy. I sat in my car and I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I talked to God. I told him I'm not going to let the devil win. So, I got out of the car and took these pictures:
I like this location for a country feel. I am definitely still learning but I think its a start. I need to go find an urban location now.
I was looking at my pictures of Maddie. I must have 300. I never deleted the "bad" pictures. I wonder why? I am so glad I didn't. Now I have lots of funny memories. The hours I spent trying to "pose" for. It's not easy.. I found some pictures of her I really like.. I just wanted to share some.
This pictures is so funny. I tried to pose her forever for our Christmas card picture..This is what I got every time.. So precious..
I am so glad I have this one.. I miss those toes..
This is the bow I wear almost every day...
If I can give anyone any advice.. Take pictures.. Take them everyday..You just never know.
Just a reminder two auctions are taking place in Honor of Maddie:
- Auction for Maddie Staats
- Tiny Little Wings Auction
Just a reminder two auctions are taking place in Honor of Maddie:
- Auction for Maddie Staats
- Tiny Little Wings Auction
111 comments:
Beautiful pictures! I believe there is a passion inside of you that will drive you into being a fantastic photographer. This can be used for the glory of God. Do you draw or paint? I believe you could.
Wonderful pics of Maddie, so beautiful.
Praying for you!
<><
Oh, your baby is so precious! This breaks my heart...we don't know each other, but I've posted before. I lost my son 10 years ago, and he was born the week before Easter. He never made it to see his first Christmas, so I know exactly how you feel.
I think of you everyday, and pray that each day will be easier. Thx for posting those pics! She is absolutely beautiful!!! :) Please take care of yourself.
You are doing an amazing job. Keep going, one moment at a time. <3
What precious pictures of Maddie!! When my children were young we did not have the best camera and so many of my pictures are faded or just not that good. You are so fortunate to have so many of Maddie!
Keep on praying...God is there for you! I love that you were able to get out and take pictures, even though you felt sorrow.
I have been praying for you everyday. I'm glad yesterday was better than you anticipated. It takes great courage to post your daily life online and I will continue to pray for you and your family. How is your husband doing with being away from you during the day? I love whay you said about not letting the devil win! God is so much bigger and He will carry you through.
http://i186.photobucket.com/albums/x83/johnchapter1/footprints.jpg
I do not know you, but the story just breaks my heart. I am praying for ya'll each and every day. May you seek God for the comfort that you need. Love the pictures of your precious Maddie! They are adorable!
I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you, hubby and your whole family. It's a terrible thing to go through. God is in control, even when it seems he isn't. Sending love and prayers...
A cafemom group I am in shared with me your blog the day you asked everyone to wear bows for Maddie, I have been following you since then.
You are a strong woman, I could not even imagine the pain you must be going through. How courageous of you to take your pain and turn it into passion, I too love photography and take a million of my kids. The last thing you wrote reminded me of a quote I try and live by, I hope it is ok that I share it with you
"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."
What you said made me think of this, I hope you heal through this and God blesses you with comfort and closure one day.
Prayers & Love,
Heather
You are still in my thoughts. Those pictures of the possible photo shoot site are really good. I love outdoor scenes like that. A lot of photographers use similar scenes in my county for pictures and they always look so natural and great.
Every time I think of you, it reminds me that not every day is guaranteed and it makes me appreciate what I have so much. I'm taking more photos of Josie now and I'm backing them up on an extra hard drive. I've also started a blog so that I can keep track of everything. You are truly an inspiration. You are always in my thoughts.
Samantha
Hi!. I don’t know you personally and I may not be able to imagine what you must be feeling but I can certainly relate to deep pain in other areas. You are probably wondering why this happened to you or why God will allow such things. Reality is that God is ALL love and we may not ever understand His ways or why things happen but all I know for my own experience is that He uses all bad for something good. We don’t know what could’ve happened or perhaps He prevented something worst from happening and decided to save your little angel from it. I don’t know!!! All I know is that, when it comes to pain, suffering, risk, and loss, He told us in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that He won’t give you more than you can bear or tempted beyond what you can handle. In life, you will go through situations that are more than you can bear alone but He always gives ways, key people, loved ones, and His word to keep you going for a purpose. It’s only in those times that we realize our full dependency on God. I’m sorry about your loss sweetie!! Your precious daughter is in the hands of someone that loves her beyond comprehension. Cry as much as you want…it is good for your heart. God will take care of the rest because it is written: Isaiah 55:8-9"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” Find refuge in Him and wait patiently for His purpose during this terrible and painful loss. Big HUGS to you both and to all your loved ones that are suffering with you.
Wonderful pics you have of Maddie, Im so glad you didn't delete the "bad" pics, i know exactly what you are talking about when I look at my pics on my phone i have like 5-6 of the same thing trying to get my little girl just right :)... if there is one thing I have learned from reading your story each day it is to take pictures.. I have made sure to take a picture of my three month old everyday before I take her to daycare... now if only i could get my four year old little boy to let me take his picture.... throughts and prayers continue to be with you
Hello Kellie,
We don't know each other but you & you family are in my thought & prays. You are such an amazing & strong person for sharing you story. Maddie is just BEAUTIFUL!! Love looking at the pictures even though my heart breaks & I cry every time I look at your sweet angles face. Stay strong & keep God close to your heart he will help you through this. Also I see the passion in heart to be an awesome photograph.
God Bless You & Your Husband!!
Such sweet pictures. Thanks for sharing.
I came across your blog through Facebook and it breaks my heart reading about what you have been going through. I am happy for you and your family that you have those memories captured in print of your angel Maddie. She will always be with you in your heart and in spirit, no one can take that away. Good luck in your photography - you will be capturing priceless moments for many families...what a great gift to give. Take care and just take it one day at a time.{Hugs}
LOVE the pictures! I myself am a picture fanatic! I take at least one picture a day people think I'm crazy for it but I'll never stop.
Your story has touched my heart and I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing your heart and your story! I am praying for your family and you will do great things with your photography!
I love the pictures of Maddie! So beautiful!!
Very Sweet pictures,see another day goes by,and its another day you are stronger..Good For You!
xo
Everyday will be a struggle like that! I dont knwo how many times I broke down randomly in stores. I started having panic attacks just going grocery shopping in walmart. I found myself purposely avoiding any isles that there was a baby in. It was a constant reminder of my son and our loss. It goes away though, the panic urge. I cant say it wont stop being a struggle everyday cause it will always be there but what will go away is all the sadness with the reminders and then the good memories will come.
I relive each and every day the moments that happened the day I found my son in his crib. There are many many times I have thought horible things of what if I did this or what if that. The what ifs really do tear you up! You are very strong! I read your blog every day and you are well on your way to healing! I know the pain and heart ache, and I feel it every time I read your story! Its only been ten months since my son passed and it still feels like it was yesterday! Our angels are in heaven and they are ok! I just know it! She will tell you in her own ways that she is there and she does love and miss you! I feel it from my son all the time and I just know one day God will bring me home to be with my son again! Until that day just live for those sweet moments! Love life to its fullest cause your baby girl will want you to be happy!
A friend of mine shared the Link to your blog on Facebook, She posted that the story broke her heart, so I didn't read the latest blog entries, I started from your very first June post in 08. I read through your dating James, Engagement, Wedding planning, your hopes for a baby, your teaching journey, your marriage,your pregnancy, the birth of your beautiful child, and the days since shes gone home with the Angels. I feel like i got to know you through all your entries. I cry daily when I read your updates. I couldn't imagine goign through something like this. You are a strong beautiful woman with a great man and family backing you up. Your passion for photography is inspiring, as well as your blog. i have actually created a blog since I've read yours. I just want to capture so many more moment of life with my 2 kids Madison & Jakob. I don't want to miss anything. Thank you for making me realize that when I tuck my kids into bed and tell them "Good Night, I love you, sweet dreams, See you in the morning!" Its not a promise, its not a gaurantee, its a prayer. Stay strong and I will continue to follow you in your journey through the new normal! I was kinda worried this morning when I got up and you hadn't posted yet, usually you post early on! Keep on keeping on. Get up every morning and smile for your daughter, make your bed so you can't easily sink back into and take pictures of everything that catches your eye!
Love Prayers & Strength from Lemoore CA...
Kristie Michelle
Kellie,
You are doing a wonderful job with your pictures. I love the location you found. I know that God and Maddie are with you everywhere you go. She would be so proud of you. Praying for you today!!! Just think, you have so much more to go to Heaven for now. Keep your head up. You are doing great because I know I wouldn't have the strength you have. Just always remember that after every valley that we go through, there is a mountain on the other side.
goodness.. the toes picture got me. thats my favorite thing to kiss and look at.
lots of <3
Kellie, I do not know you but your story has stole my heart. I hurt for you so much. When I first read your blog I cried but even though it's so sad I just keep coming back. Your are such a strong person and someone to really look up too. I wonder everyday how you have such strength to keep going. I have a little girl who just turned 1 in January, her name is Leah and although she doesn't have any really "big" bows she wore her biggest for your precious Maddie. When Leah was first born I was terrified of SIDS. My aunt lost her baby at 4 months, and although I never knew that sweet angle it haunted me. Even when Leah slept through the night I constantly woke to check on her. When I would tell people this fear they would just roll their eyes, "Oh that won't happen", but it does happen, and more people need to know about it so we can help prevent it! Your pictures are beautiful and the first time I saw your blog I thought you would be an amazing photographer. Good luck in your endeavers and I hope God blesses you with overwhelming peace, and healing. Prayers and love from our family. Stacy-
That is an absolutely beautiful setting for pics! I'm so inspired by you and your determination--Maddie must be so proud! Keep plugging forward--everyday--for her. She is guiding you, and she will be there for every "first"!
I agree. Take as many silly pictures and videos as you can. I've taken a lot of my daughter even if it's the same position or look just alike, but I keep every one. It's something no one will ever be able to take away from you and you can have them forever. Cherish them.
You are doing great...and it seems like God is providing you the strength to make it through this slowly but surely.
With the uncertainty of my childrens case (whether we get to adopt them or not) I feel like at any given moment I could loose them. I fully support your advise of taking pictures every day because we really do not know what the future holds! My heart reaches out to you!!!
Continuing to pray for you and your family. Your baby girl's pictures are just beautiful.
I think you'll be a great photographer!! Beautiful pics of Maddie, as always. <3
I need to remember to take more pictures. I've been slacking, and I know i've lost some moments with my son that i'll think about later and wish I had pictures. Thank you for the reminder! I never delete "bad" pictures either, unless i've taken them so badly and blurred it so bad that you can't tell who or whats going on, lol!
Take it one day at a time, never feel bad for crying.
Your photos are amazing. You have a keen eye for beauty! Its amazing when you can see the beauty in something that's not meant to be. I commented a few days ago when I was first lead to your blog. I check back everyday to see how you and your husband are doing. You are very strong and will always have your little girl in your heart everywhere you go. She will guide you and give you strength when you least expect it. Keeping you in my thoughts!
Absolutely beautiful pictures and I just love Maddie's pictures too. Your posts break my heart. I can't even imagine your pain, but you are just so strong.
I will continue to pray for you and your family.
YOur story has changed my life in so many ways I am so blessed and I know now more than ever I give god the glory everyday .You are so strong and I hug my kids tighter after reading your blog . I am a follower of your blog and will be as long as you do it. I wish you the best and hope that everyday gets easier. Your daughter was so beautiful and I know she watches over you and your family. My girls told me to tell you they are 10 and 9 that they will wear their bows for Maddie . My family prays for you and your family everyday I know I am just a stranger but I do hope that you knwo there are lots of people who care and are praying for you .
She is so precious.Thinking of you today.
Ive never met you but I was sent a link to your blog from a friend and I check it every day. Your friend Meg is right...every day you are one day stronger. And you are so much a better person because you were her Momma, even for those few short months. I know that your story will be an inspiration to other moms in the same situation. Good luck with your photography. Please post on the blog if you ever start a photography website. Id love to follow it. I hope Maddie's memory continues to give you strength.
I don't know you, but I heard of your sad loss through Kelly's blog. Please know that I am praying for you and lifting you up at this time.
Cxx
Hi Kellie,
You don't know me but I was lead to your blog through Facebook. I am so saddened by your story but overwhelmed by your amazing strength. I tear up each time I think of what you and your husband must be going through. The pictures of your beautiful baby girl are absolutely gorgeous. I have a 15 month old baby girl, Emma Kate, and I used to take pictures of her every day and delete the bad pictures but lately I had been slacking, until I read your blog. You are right every day is not guaranteed. Thank you for your amazing strength and courage sharing all that you are enduring. Maddie has a wonderful mother that's stronger than the pursuits of the Devil himself. I pray for you each time I think of you, I can't imagine what you're going through. God is all love, you may never know why this happened. He is loving Maddie more than words can comprehend. I admire your courage and if you need to cry, just cry. Crying is good for the soul. I love the two places that you picked for photography. Once you get your passion up and running, I would love to be one of your customers. I just moved from Hattiesburg to the Mississippi Delta but I wouldn't mind coming down that way as I have quite a few friends there. I am praying for you sweety. God bless!
Kellie, I have been following your blog for a little while now, and have never left a comment because I didn't really know what to say. I will say that every morning when I get up, I reach over to grab my laptop, turn it on and go straight to your blog. Although I have never lost a child, I have a nephew that my husband and I raise that has been torn in and out of our lives over the past. Your story is helping me cope with my own struggles, and gives me the ok to cry. You are so much stronger than I would EVER be! And I hope you realize what you are doing for other moms here in blog land!
I am so excited to see all of your photo capabilities, and had a little thought. These two pictures that you just took are amazing! I know I would buy copies of them if I could, so what if you started a little etsy of your "healing/learning" process, and sell just the prints? Just a thought, but I am sure you would have a great following!
Hugs to you and your husband, keep your head up high!
praying for you everyday :)
Thank you for sharing all of the beautiful pictures of Maddie♥
You are right, you never know..so take lots of pictures.I'm going to start taking one photo of my 4 babes everyday.And start putting big bows in my daughters hair for Maddie♥
You are such an amazing&strong mom♥
Hi- we don't know each other but I heard of your loss and I just wanted to reach out. There is obviously nothing I can say to lessen your hurt but I just wanted you to know my husband and I are thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts you and your family's way.
I think you are very brave for posting and sharing all your thoughts and pain so out in the open. I think that is why I was compelled to reach out because your loss has touched so many of us, even those that do not yet have children.
Please know there are many of us (even who are lurking and not posting I am sure) who are thinking of you and are so incredibly sorry for your loss of your treasured little girl.
Much love from Florida.
You have such lovely pictures of your Maddie. Praying for you!
I found your blog through Kelly's Korner! My heart goes out to you. You are a very strong woman! Just know that God is with you at all times. Your pictures of Maddie are so beautiful and it is good that you will have these pictures forever! You and your family will be in my prayers!
You are so strong Kellie! I'm proud of you and know you will keep getting stronger every day.
I love seeing those sweet pics of Maddie and I'm so glad you kept all the failed ones too. :)
I can't imagine how you and your husband feel or what you guys are going through. But please remember that you all are being prayed for a lot.
you are AMAZING and soooo strong!
http://www.danirousseau.blogspot.com/
Let me start by saying how truly pained and sorry I am for your loss! I can feel your sorrow as we lost one of our baby boys two months ago just before Christmas. He never saw his first Christmas. As I type, I try to keep the tears from overwhelming me. You are right; you are one day stronger and that is how you will continue. You may feel as if you have set backs, but just keep in mind that you have made it another day. The only way my family has made it through this is our deep faith in Christ. He has recently brought Psalm 116 and Lamentations 3:20-26 to me during my quiet time. Also, I read the book I Will Carry You by Angie Smith. You may have already been told about it. It is amazing! I encourage you when you are ready to read this book. Know that there is no certain way to grieve and that it is okay to feel and feel deeply! May the Lord help you to find peace in your darkness! I'll be praying for you!
You're a natural Kellie. You really are.
Sometimes the "bad" pictures turn out to be the ones you treasure the most. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I wanted to pass on a book recommendation that others have told me about when grieving and I'm sure you've already heard about it, "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion. Thinking of your sweet baby whenever I see bow
I've been following your blog and my heart is broken for you. Your strength is an inspiration to so many. Keep moving forward, day by day, you're doing wonderful.
Kellie,
I recently started following your blog, because someone on my facebook friends list so kindly linked your blog so that we all could pray for you & your family. I am so so sad for you. You have such an uncanny ability to deal with such an unfair & unnatural tragedy. I am sorry, for you and for your family & I think about you and your husband EVERY single day & just admire your strength. I wanted you to know (as I am sure you already do), the support you have is copious and I assume I am speaking for so many of your followers- most of us could throw ALL of our problems in a pile and it would not amount to your one loss...I am so sorry, I am praying for you, and I will think of you everyday! I will leave you with this- "...There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem... but the most important thing is, even if we're apart...I'll always be with you."
-Winnie the Pooh
I am so sorry Kellie & James,
My deepest,
Lacey Bryan
I read about your blog on Kelly's corner. I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our son under almost identical circumstances over a year ago. I promise you, it will get easier.
I find that each day I have to consciously refuse to buy into the fear, doubts, and what ifs that satan throws at us and keep my eyes fixed on the Lord. He will carry you through it.
I'll be praying for you.
My Name is Carrie, Ive been reading your blog, and enjoying your pictures...Maddies pics are so precious! Ive never been good with words in situations like these, even when its someone I know. As I lay awake last night in bed, I began praying for you, your husband, and family...I began to ask for some reason, for the right words to say that would be comforting and not upsetting in any way. Well I got an answer and still don't know the correct words to express how strongly that this came to my heart.
Jesus said, no matter what you are doing at this very moment, (your husband too)Just sit back and close your eyes, and know that he is your strength,your strong tower, he is your comfort, your joy, your guide. He is never failing, and has such great purpose for Maddie in heaven, and for you and your husband to carry on with comfort and joy that she is rejoicing in heaven and you will see her again someday. Im not good with words so i hope that came out right...I hope that its at least a good dose for your hearts today! =) I think you are going to be an awesome photographer also, keep pursuing that passion, it is a blessing that you can capture images the way you do and the way you did with Maddie!!!! What a blessing for her to have had such an amazing mom and dad to share her life with! Many blessings to you guys, and will continue praying and thinking of you every day!
Carrie
Erwin, Tennessee
The photos are wonderful - Maddie is so beautiful. I think of you everyday. Keep going, you have so many people rooting for you.
i think you have a talent inside of you... your pictures of Maddie and the way you took care of all the details in each one of them tell us that you were a photographer before you know it and before you wanted to be one... be strong... Maddie is there to give you the strength to go on and develop your skills... remember: SHE LOVES YOU!!!
You are an amazing mother. You are an example for all of us who have or have lost children. I am one of the thousands who read your blog everyday and don't know you, personally, but you are SUCH an inspiration to me! Your strength is nothing short of awesome. Maddie is a lucky girl to have such a great mommy, and you are a lucky mommy to have such a beautiful angel :o) There has not been a day that's gone by that I have not cried for you and your family. My heart is broken for you. My prayers for you are peace and comfort, knowing that your babygirl, though you cannot see her, is there.
"Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave bereft
I am not there. I have not left."
Much love and many hugs,
Jen
Aww, Kellie, its not even been 2 weeks. I think of you and James, and pray for you every day. ((hugs))
Cypress Historic Park - great place for pictures. Our photographer has taken us there twice for pictures of the kids. Good luck!
So sorry for your loss. Praying for healing from the hurt for your family.
that location you took pics of is beautiful.I am praying for you and your family that each day that passes makes you all stronger. Just remember the LORD never gives us more then we can deal with. Your story has touches so many hearts and I wake up in the morning wondering how you are doing and go the the computer and read about your day. keep busy but never forget what a percious gift you had for a daughter,if only for a little while.((hugs))
my cousin's fiancee shared your blog link and i've been reading it every day since then. i am not afraid to admit that i cry a little bit every day while reading your blogs and everyone's comments. i pray that you get stronger with every day, my dear.
A friend of mine had this blog on her fb. That same day she had just found out her sister who has been trying to get pregnant for almost a year was intact pregnant. I myself want one of my own more than I want to breath sometimes when I heard she was finally pregnant I completely forgot my wants and was ecstatic, Unfortunately she had a miscarriage that Sunday. But she now knows she can get pregnant which in itself is wonderful. I have now saved ur blog on my phone as a bookmark, I check it daily sometimes more. I am amazed at how u r able to articulate ur self so beautifuly with the circumstances. I cry, I smile when I see Maddie's pictures, my heart hurts for u and ur husband. I could never imagine and hope that only good comes from this.
How strong you are, just amazing. I am glad I decided to come read your blog, knowing how it would effect me. As I type this my 10 week old is asleep in my arms and I can't imagine doing what you are doing. My husband and I are paramedics and we have both "worked" and lost babies in the back of our ambulances this year. I have never been this anxious over the " what ifs" until now. I have two older boys 6&8 and I did just fine through their infancy without the stress I am causing myself this time around. I have been on the fence about whether I should purchase the angel care monitor , but this has made that decision for me.
I know it is not the same but I lost both of my brothers to car accidents , 15 years apart. One was 32 days old and the other was 17. God has blessed me with three boys and two of which are named after my brothers. Maybe it's all these facts together that have my fears so worked up.
Anyway I just wanted to let you know two things : first of all you are not alone and you are aloud to grieve however YOU wish. Don't let others force things on you. Trust God he WILL guide you through. Second , this blog is saving others. Awareness is knowledge. Putting things like this out there give people that reality that this can happen to them. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are truly a beautiful person. Keep Living.
I like that too.....One Day Stronger.....and you are and just because you are stronger does NOT mean you are losing Maddie. I love your "imperfect" perfect pictures!!! these are the BEST kind!!!! You have GREAT POTENTIAL as a photgrapher...your recent pictures are proof of that!!! I am sorry you are going to have to live through many of Maddie's lost "firsts" and the pain they will cause you and James...SO SO SO SORRY!!! You are a strong person and a strong mother....never forget that and the tears you shed will only make you even more strong. I read your blog everyday and so far except for yesterday I comment. I just did not know what to say yesterday, but when/if that happens again I will always post SOMETHING..even if it is just to say "I'm sorry I don't know what to say right now but I am hear to listen to you" and am here to listen and maybe help in some small way. As Always You are both in my thoughts and in my prayers!! May you fnd the peace to comfort your heart and souls!!
I know these words are hard to hear, I know because every time someone says them to me I don't feel like it's true, but really:
You are a VERY strong woman.
I don't know you, but every day as I grieve in my own way, I read your blog and watch your grieving process. I hadn't even let myself think about the holidays that I am going to have to endure without my Leila until you wrote about Maddie missing her first Easter... I just lost it from there... My heart ached and I felt like everything was falling apart again... But YOU gave me strength. Your strength and the way you are handling yourself made ME realize that I can get through the next minute, the next hour.
Though I KNOW at times you probably don't feel strong, please know that your strength is giving ME strength.
I hope you don't mind, I linked up to you in my blog post today.
http://likemommade.blogspot.com/2011/03/i-think-i-have-been-avoiding-thinking.html
Please, when you have a chance, read my Leilani's story. I don't have a huge following, but I want Leila's story to spread. There is even a resolution in the state of Illinois dedicated to her in hopes of spreading awareness of premature birth. I will be posting more on that soon though.
But again, know that I am praying for you every day: I hope you are able to continue your healing journey in what ever way works for you. Please don't stop writing about it: it has already given me so much strength - just think of what you may be doing for hundreds of mothers going through similar things... Or even just reminding mothers of healthy babies to kiss their children, take pictures every day, and cherish every moment.
Thank you again for inspiring me.
http://likemommade.blogspot.com/2011/02/leilani-marie-decker.html
What a cutie she is! Very beautiful photos. <3
I am keeping you guys in my prayers each day. :)
I am a stranger to you. I found out about your precious baby girl through facebook. Since then, I just can not get you off my mind. I feel like a stalker because I have to read your blog everyday. You are such a STRONG woman. Your love and trust in God is amazing during this time. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers daily. Stay strong, God has a purpose for you and your angel.
To the person that left the VERY UGLY MESSAGE above, that is very uncalled for, everyone needs to pray for this "anonymous" person...WOW, the nerve of someone to be so hurtful just hurts my heart!!!Kellie, Im sorry you had to read that at all!!!!
Your photos are beautiful! I want to thank you for sharing this with all of us! I have been following this blog since it was posted by Tutu precious and will continue to. I hope that things get easier for you and your family. I believe that Maddie will always be there in spirit and she will give you the strength you need to keep going. Sending warm thoughts and wishes your way!
I agree!! That Anonymous poster who was so cruel above needs to grow a heart and read some of the research on SIDS!! There is no "for sure" way to prevent it - that is why it is so scary and devastating. Kellie, you don't know me, but I am truly sorry from the depths of my heart that anyone would say something like that to you! You deserve better.
My prayers are with you-
Brandy
Your little Maddie is so precious. My daughter has that same "my first dolly". I love the footie picture! You have inspired me to take some pictures of her feet so I will always remember how cute they are.
I know that this is hard. And believe me.. In time, you will be able to say her name...And SMILE. The warmth that will enter your heart when you think of her and talk about her will overwhelm you. At that time, you will know you are at peace with God and his reason. Stay strong, but remember to CRY...CRY A LOT AND AS MUCH AS YOU NEED TO!
From one angel in heaven mommy to another <3
Take pictures. I think that is the best advice ever.
I have been following your blog only after learning about your sweet angel. I just want to let you know you are my prayers daily.
I love the pictures, thank you for sharing.
hello,
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I found your blog through Polka Dot Junkie on facebook and read all of it today.
I am happy to hear that you love photography and that you saved all the pictures of Maddie.
I know it might hurt right now and it always will in some way or another but it might help if you do a special scrapbook album for her. You don't have to ever look at it again, but to have a special book for her with all her pictures good and "bad" might help ease the pain.
I hope God is helping you cope in some way or another.
Alright whoever wrote this comment...
Anonymous said...
Maybe if you left her with a responsible babysitter with all the right equipment she wouldn't of died. FYI all blankets can suffocate babies. It's sad but that's what happens to irresponsible parents. Hopefully this will teach people that not everyone should have children or at least not make little mistakes that in the end take someones life.
March 2, 2011 12:13 PM
You should be ashamed of yourself and you need to be slapped I'm just saying.... I can't even believe that you are a human being. I'm in the Military and have to leave my 5 month old daughter with a day care that doesn't carry baby montiors and and has a 1 caregiver to 4 babies ratio. It scares the crap out of me but I have to because I'm fighting for your freedom and for what? For you to use someone that you don't even knows sorrow against them. So here is your little lesson on SIDS.... NO PREVENTION, NO WAY OF KNOWING ITS GOING TO HAPPEN, HAPPENS TO BABIES WHILE THEY SLEEP.
Stop Being a Jerk and talking about things that you know nothing about. Just Straight up mind your own business.
Kellie,
I am sooooo sorry I hate when people that have no sense of what is right decide to be jerks to people in pain. Your daughter was beautiful and amazing. Its not your fault that she is in heaven. It was gods will. I'm thinking about and praying for your Family every day.
~Constance
Thinking of you guys and praying for you often. These pictures are beautiful. What a special, gorgeous little girl.
-bteach28 (Beth)
Thinking of you often. Praying it gets easier for you.
You are in my heart. May every day you get stronger until the day you are strong enough to meet your angel in heaven. You are not alone.
Kellie,
I know the loss that you are feeling. Not exactly the same, my son died at birth some 29 years ago. But the loss of a child is always the loss of our future. Give yourself the time you need to grieve. Each person handles grief in their own way. You and James will need to know that some days will be better, and then some will seem a little bit harder, but in time the pain will ease. Your Maddie will always be with you. Never too far from your heart. There are so many people that you can turn to both family and friends, but also there are groups for parents who have lost a child, and sometimes it helps to talk to someome who really gets it. My Jim and I did just that, and it helped. There are groups on the internet as well. The important thing is that you will know what is best for you. I used to think that a day that I could walk at the door without thinking I would loose it was a good day. And there became more of them. I envy you your pictures. I am so glad that you have them. This is something that we never had. Maybe someday you will compile them into an album of some sort, or a scrapbook. I will be a wonderful thing to share with Maddie's future siblings. God bless each of those that loved her so much. I hope that you find peace in the days ahead.
I don't know you, I read about you on Summer's blog. I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine what you are going through. I hope it helps a little knowing people are praying for you.
I have been following your blog for a while know and you are so strong. You are doing such an amazing job. God is going to see you this horrible time you are having if you just continue to pray and follow his lead even if it is difficult at times. Maddie is so beautiful. The pictures you have taken are wonderful and I think that photography would be a great path for you to take. I pray about you and your family and will continue to follow your blog. Take care.
Marsha
I am new to your blog and I have not been able to stop looking at pictures of sweet little Maddie. I am inspired by your strength and I know God is watching over you and your family. Thank you for sharing pictures of your precious angel and for having the courage to post your thoughts and feelings.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am so very sorry Maddie is gone.
I am so very sorry.
I found your blog, and I have to say that my heart is broken for you. I have prayed for you, but I'm at a loss of what to say. I am just sorry.
I read your previous posts, and I need to make sure I understand before I make a huge assumption. Maddie had her 4 month check up on Monday, right? Did she recieve immunizations? I absolutely hate to be the one to say this, but the liklihood of Maddie's "SIDS" being caused by her vaccinations is extremely high. Doctors will refute it and deny it; they will claim that SIDS "just happens", but I can tell you that the correlation between vaccinations and SIDS a few days following is very high. The US Supreme Court just rule that vaccinations are "unavoidable unsafe" which is why they are making it so that parents cannot sue manufactorers for faulty vaccinations. However, on the other hand, as parents we are told that vaccinations are the best thing for our children. It's a loosing battle and too many parents are loosing young babies around the time of vaccinations (especially in their infancy) and being told it was SIDS. I've learned a lot from Facebook pages such as "Inside Vaccines", "Dr. Tenpenny on Vaccines", and "Vaccine Epidemic", which is also a newly released book. I encourage you to read about it, but be wary of who you believe; there are billions of dollars in the vaccine industry of which the government, doctors, CDC and other companies benefit greatly from.
I do not want to be harsh or cruel or anything. This information may or may not help you. I'm not sure, but it wasn't intended to hurt you. I vaccinated my son until he had a bad reaction and I'm making different choices with our next son.
God bless you.
What a beautiful child! I'm so very sorry for your loss and I will keep you in my prayers!
I found your blog from Kelly's blog. I am so sorry for you loss. I have been reading your blog. And my heart just aches for you.
The same exact thing happened to our friend's grand daughter in October. She wasn't quite 4 months old. She was at the sitter also.
Prayers for you and your husband. You have a beautiful angel!!
I am so sorry for your lost. Maddie was absolutely beautiful.God bless her.It brings tears to my eyes every time i read your blog.It has to be the hardest thing to go through in your life.Maddie is an angel now and will be watching down on her mother & father. My heart hurts every time i look at her photos.I will keep you in my prays. Remember Maddie will always be there for you both. Take care of yourselves.
Continued prayers to you all. I too read your blog everyday.
Your photos are wonderful! Keep up the great work.
~ foreveramom from your TMP family.
Oh sweet friend my heart is just overwhelmed by emotion for you and what you are going through. Some very good friends of ours lost their baby boy at Christmas time and I don't think there is anything harder than this. I am going to start praying for you and your hubby. This is a long road and I cannot imagine what it must be like. Some moments strong, others not at all, some angry, despairing, lost. Dear friend I pray that the God of peace fills you with all that you need today and everyday. I know he is holding your angel forever until you can hold her again. I wish I could give you a big bloggie friend hug. So glad I found your blog tonight!
You are truly "one day stronger"! Just keep taking each day as it comes--a little at at time. Just know that God is with you every step of the way!
Love the pictures! Know you are going to love photography, and you'll do a wonderful job!
Still praying for your family!
I love your new photo spot! What a gorgeous setting! Keep your chin up! I love the pics of Maddie too...you truly have an awesome talent!
A friend of my shared your blog with me, I just want you to know that Im praying for you. What I have read so far I can see how strong you are and weather you know it or not you are an inspiration. <3
i lost my daughter in 2009...reading your blog brought me right back to those few days that seemed like snap shots now more than memories. Maddie is a beautiful angel and is dancing with her jesus now! I want you to know that after losing my ella grace...i got pregnant and gave birth to a preemie baby boy on october 25 of 2010. no baby will ever replace my ella, but being a mom again just feels right and i know ella would want me to have more children. god will get you through this...just keep your eyes towards the heavens, he's there and listening and holding your maddie with him. im sure you've gotten this a lot, but i don't blog so my email is brittany.tillman13@yahoo.com if you ever need someone to talk to who has been where you are. I had someone like that and it helped me so much. please please look up the song by the christian group Selah "i will carry you -Audrey's song" its amazing and i still listen to it every day! The song writer also wrote a book after losing her daughter...it helped a ton! you are on my heart and in my prayers no one should ever have to experience what we have...its a club no one wants to be in...but like you said in your blog, this is our life now. and praise god for those precious moments we did have! god bless!
Thank you for sharing pictures of sweet Maddie. Praying for you and your family.
<3 Mary
Beautiful work! Precious pictures of you sweet daughter! Keeping you in my prayers.
hello I also have lost a child and his name was Chadon.He was four months old he passed away Feb 17th 2004 it is one of the hardest things I have ever went through....I want to share a poem I wrote,,,
This little child you brought into the world,
It's a precious baby girl,
I'ts your loss,and now God's gain,
Rest assured he'll ease the pain,
Everytime you picture that face,
Remember your angel is in a better place. I am so very sorry to hear about your loss!!!!
I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.
Beautiful pictures. I check your blog everyday, we have never met, but i think you are one of the strongest people. I have so much respect for you. You inpire me to be a better person and mother. My soul hurts for you. My prayers are with you and your family. You are maddie are in my thoughts everyday. Much Love.
Such beautiful pics. I'm so sorry for your loss. Always praying for you.
{{HUGS}}
I am so sorry for your loss. Your little angel is just beautiful. May God give you strength and comfort. I'm just a stranger to you but I am sending you a huge bear hug. God Bless.
if i was you, i would get her an Easter basket or whatever it is you were planning. the thing about babies... everything you do, like Easter baskets, and cutsie pictures... you do them more for you than for the baby. if you want to get her Easter stuff, then get her Easter stuff!
Keep strong hun. And with doing crafts, I do it to stave off my depression and it helps...
and get Easter stuff for her and put it on her grave. Celebrate each day, each holiday as if she were still with you because you know she'll be watching over you.
Praying for you. I know you will cherish the pictures you have and the words you jotted down about your sweet girl forever.
I feel you are that little bit stronger in this post. You have the right to loose it though, none of what has happened is right at all.
I think the unposed photos of my daughter are the best and those photo's are so beautiful of Maddie.
Love the location you went to, you can see you have composition spot on in your photo's and that is the start of a great photographer.
Still thinking of you everyday praying that the next day will be that bit easier xxx
Just found your blog through Kimberly's Korner. There's no words that I can say. Because I can't even imagine what ya'll are going through. All I can do is pray for ya'll.
We don't know each other but you and your husband are never far from my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry for your loss. Maddie is a beautiful little girl. I read your blog everyday and cry a little. My youngest son (6 years old)asked the other day why I was crying. I told him about Maddie, (in terms he could understand)and he wanted me to tell you that he named his garidian angel, he has had in his room since he was born, Maddie and that he would say a prayer for you.
I wanted to share an experience I had about 17 months ago. August 30 2009 is the day I passed over. I was fortunate to have made it to the ER in time and was brought back. I wanted you to know Maddie is truly OK and is not scared. I never felt anything like the warmth, love, and peace of heaven. I have no doubt that's where I was. My grandparent were there to take me into the gates on heaven. I could not stay, I wanted to but I had 2 children that needed their mother. I tell you this to try to ease your mind and to let you know that you will be reunited with her one day in heaven.
If there is anything I can do or you just need to talk my email address is brentsgirl720@yahoo.com
God Bless you.
I just clicked over from Kelly's Korner. I am so so sorry for your loss. I'll be thinking of you and your family.
www.take10withtricia.com
You are amazing and so strong. Know it is ok to cry and cry when ever you need to, crying does not make you weak. I have been praying for your family. Know you have a wonderful angel looking over you and remember all the good and love you have. Your strong, very strong! I wish I knew you so I could do more, but if you feel you do need anything, I will gladly help!
You are amazing and so strong. Know it is ok to cry and cry when ever you need to, crying does not make you weak. I have been praying for your family. Know you have a wonderful angel looking over you and remember all the good and love you have. Your strong, very strong! I wish I knew you so I could do more, but if you feel you do need anything, I will gladly help!
That seems like a great spot for pictures. I hope you truly enjoy your new hobby. It is a great thing to get into and I think you'll find inspiration everywhere you look. Your baby is so precious- thank you for sharing those pics with us. Continuing to pray for you and your husband and the rest of your family.
You are a very strong woman! You will never forget Maddie or the way she made you feel. An unconditional love like that never really fades, just like God's love for us, it is everlasting. I too take lots of pictures. I love photography. I have a tendency to never delete "bad" pictures. The ones that are blurry or with funny faces. I hate the idea of losing the memory. I figure I can always look back and laugh at all the craziness. Your pictures are really good. You have a gift. I'm still praying of you! My husband and I have a saying and it has a hundred meanings, but I wanted to share it: Hope Dies Last, Love Lives Forever. So, just keep living and loving, God will show you the way!
I love the country shots. Photography is tricky, but try shooting these same shots at different times of day. The "golden hour" (Right before sunset) will make some beautiful effects on the same shots you just took. When I first starting getting serious about photography I read the book Understanding Exposure by Bryan Peterson. Totally changed my understanding of photography! It inspired me to challenge myself!
http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Exposure-Photographs-Digital-Updated/dp/0817463003/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1299186857&sr=8-1
Also check out the site:
www.betterphoto.com
It has some good online classes and inspiration ideas!
Best
Hayley
sweet baby will forever be in so many of our hearts and thoughts! I will hold my children a little longer, be a more patient, and truly make each day with them the very best. You are so strong and I will keep your family in my prayers!!!
Best Angel Friends
A beautiful little angel showed up to Heaven's gates
Confused and unknowing the plan that for her awaits. Then another little angel walked up and took her hand and said, "Please don't be sad you left, you're in the Promised Land."
"I'm glad to be here but I do not think I was to go,
Perhaps there was a mistake, for my mommy wanted me so." The little greeting angel gave a sweet smile and said, "My mommy wanted me too, but to Heaven I was led. You see, we do not get to choose when on Earth it's time to go. He gave us life, love and joy and a mother's womb to grow. The Lord still needs new angels to guide them down on earth. To watch over, comfort them, and help them see their worth."
"Is there still a way that I can sleep in my mommy's bed?" The greeting angel grinned and said, "that luxury you'll keep. I visit my mommy nightly and softly sing her to sleep." The little angel replied, "then I think I'll like it here. I'll visit my mommy nightly and weaken her pain and fears. I love her and will keep her safe at night and in between, And let her know with a sweet memory that she is still with me." The greeting angel gave her new friend a big hug and said, "Until our mommy's meet us here, let's be best angel friends." "Okay," said the new angel, "that sounds good to me." Then the angels sat and played keeping their mommy's in sight, Humming the tunes to the song they would sing to their mommy's tonight...
Author Unknown
Beautiful pictures! I am so glad that you were able to capture all the great memories with Maddie. I am praying for you and your husband that you can lean on one another and hold each other up.
Kelly, Megan just posted a rough estimate for the Tiny Wings auction.. just over $11,000. I'm so blessed to have been able to be a part of that. I can't imagine what you're going thru. I cry nearly every time I read your blog. And I look at my daughter, and as you advised, grab my camera. If anything were to ever happen in our family like the loss you are suffering, I can only pray for half the strength that you have shown. With much love and prayer, God Bless.
*Becky
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