Whenever I am sad I sit down and make a bow.
Today the devil tried to come into my life again..
This is what happened..
Today I was going to lunch with my WONDERFUL hubby. I was having a GREAT day. It was sunny and the birds were singing (so was I). I talked to Maddie the whole way to see her Daddy. This morning I talked to my friend about having another baby (NOT now), and I was HAPPY!!! Without going into specifics... Someone told me that they know someone who had a baby and that baby died from SIDS. Then they had another baby and that baby died from SIDS too. WHAT?! NO?!?! I am not hearing this. This is my 2nd worst nightmare.... I have not done any research on SIDS...except for this.. If it can happen twice in the same family. I am petrified of this. In ALL my research I have fond NOTHING. Then today I hear it can happen twice. NO!
The devil was trying to get in. At first I was upset. But, I'm determined not to let him in. This cant happen twice. It CAN'T. It just CAN'T!!! I can't and won't make it through this again. So, I prayed. I told God I was scared...and I felt like he hugged me. I KNOW we have GREAT things in store for us..... God has GREAT things in store for us.
So, today I didnt let the devil win. I could of been VERY upset, but I didn't let him win. Nope..not me! I WILL be a mom again.. and this baby WILL stay with us. I know it. God (almost) told me so!!!
54 comments:
And your future kids are going to be so lucky.to have a mom and.dad like you guys and a special angel watching over them! Glad u had a good day!
Yes you will Kellie! I am so happy to hear you had a wonderful day today! I am even more honored that I won your Fleur de Lis bow for my baby girl!
I'm sorry he tried to ruin your day. I am so glad you didn't let him win! Your family has been in my prayers since I was made away of your blog a little over two weeks ago. I pray for Maddie too. Your story has helped me become a better mommy... thank you. Yesterday i took my children to the park, we wore pink, boss, and blew bubbles in honor of Maddie. I hope you have another good day tomorrow :)
Always In my thoughts and prayer
Ashley
I'm pretty sure if it does happen twice to the same family it is a freak thing or there is really an underlying cause... I am in nursing school and learnt a little bit about SIDS there but after coming across your story I did a lot of research on it... My husband and I have fertility problems and someday hope to have a child :) and I want to do everything I can to prevent SIDS :/... thanks to your story I have learnt a lot about preventing it and all the things like the Halo ... Long story short there was nothing saying if it happens once it would happen again unless there was an underlying cause. :) Don't be afraid and definitely don't let it ruin your day!
Bows **
I think the chances are very slim to it happening twice to the same family. God knows what you can handle and you cant worry about this. Be excited about your future in Mothering another child. Cant wait to see what God has in store for your family =) xoxoxox
Kellie, you definately will be a mommy again one day, and you have the largest wall of prayers around you right. A WALL OF PRAYER. Just believe that God knows every bit of your pain. He gave his only son to die for all of us so we can live...and so that you can see Maddie again. I have prayed for you, my church is praying. So I leave you with the thought of knowing that "I have a wall of Prayer surrounding me"
Agreed!! Don't claim it! you are going to have healthy beautiful babies that are going to grow and prosper perfectly! You are blessed and highly favored of the Lord!! Prayers for you <3 Glad to hear it was a good day for you! You deserve it!
So glad that you didn't let the devil win! You are one strong woman!! *hugs*
I found the following website and I think maybe it could help answer some of your questions. Stay strong and remember you have a beautiful angel watching over you. http://www.sidsfamilies.com/
I don't know you, but I found your blog through another. I just wanted to let you know that I have some understanding with your pain. My sister lost her daughter a month before she was due and it is something that our family has had to deal with for two years now. I know that recently, a story of a local little girl that is sick and all the goodness of God surrounding our town and that little girl has helped my sister. I wanted to share a note she wrote with you in hope that it will help you too.
I hope that you continue to heal and know that Maddie is always with you just as our little Taylor watches over us every day.
(Also, in proof that miracles happen, my mother lost her child before me and I almost followed. God is GOOD and your future children will be living proof of that).
Continue to have these good days!! :)
here's the link to her note:
http://www.facebook.com/notes/jennifer-gatlin/the-blink-of-an-eye-please-read-and-share/10150412967135012
Why on EARTH would someone tell you that?!
I'm glad your day went well other than that blip. Your bows are coming along nicely! I love them!
Good for you, Kellie! God wants us to trust in Him, and turn to Him, and you did just that.. I'm so glad that praying gave you comfort today. ♥
Oh Kellie!!! I have to say this post really really reached me way down deep.
I lost my niece due to SIDS when I was 15 (I am 38 now)....But I still miss that little girl everyday. I love her so much still. I hurt for a long time after her death. She was only 1 month and 5 days old when she died.
But it made me a very good, attentive and patient mommy years down the road when I became a mommy myself.
I have 5 boys and recently had my very first girl. She is 7 weeks old now. I feared SIDS in the worst way with each of my babies.
I suffered from anxiety really bad after the birth of my 3rd son because of what happened to my niece. Since then I have battled this fear with lots of prayer and learning to trust God...even through the confusion of not being able to understand SIDS.
I hope to see you continue on and have more babies. My sis went on to have 4 more babies after the loss of her daughter (my niece). She gave birth to her 2nd child exactly 11 months after her little girl passed away.
I will keep you in my prayers always...sending lot's of hugs your way!
I have been following your blog for awhile. I am absolutely amazed with your faith in God. I know how trying that can be, although under different circumstances. I pray for you and your husband that you continue to find peace. Keep faith that you will be able to have another child. God works miracles. After 9 years of infertility and two miscarriages God gave me my beautiful children I prayed for. Don't let the Devil get you down. Many prayers are being sent your way. God bless.
Kelli- always remember, God's plans for us are always better than our own. He will take care of you, bless, you, keep you and bring you peace. Trust that both he and your beautiful angel, Maddie will always be there for you (and your future children.) Its natural and understandable to be scared... but you have already won this battle by not letting that fear consume you and keep you from pursuing your dream to be a mother. You and Maddie are always in my prayers. Keep up the great work with the photos, bows and blocks.... I truly believe this is Maddie's way of helping you find a way to stay home so you can ease your mind when its time for her to have a brother or sister. We are all so proud of you mama!
You're a wonderful mommy! You'll have as many kids as your heart desires, and they'll be fine. :o) Eff that stupid Devil (sorry if inappropriate). :o) And, if it eases your mind, you can always get one of those Respisense or Snuza mentioned earlier on in your blog. Tell the devil to take that. :o)
Good for you,keep that evil Devil out!!!Glad to see you are feeling better..
xxxoo
gen
Good for you! I cant wait to hear when maddie will have a baby brother or sister to look after from above, she will be the best big sister, and you and your husband will continue to be the best parents! I admire your strength!
We are certain that God will hear our prayers when we ask for what pleases him.
And if we know that God listens when we pray, we are sure that our prayers have already been answered. 1 John 5:14-15
My daughter was reciting this big word in the car and I think it was meant for me to share with you! God will heal your broken heart and will give you a new joy. Maddie will always be a part of you and God will carry you through this time of mourning. God will restore your soul & in time in God's time you and your husband will be blessed with new life he will hear your prayers!
Kellie,
You are so right. We can not let the devil get us down. You need to read my post on Will Not Be Defeated and listen to the songs that I posted with it. I sing those songs all the time because I refuse to be defeated. I have God on my side and He is all that matters. Praying for you!!!
Glad you had a great day Kellie! Oh, I'm sure you're doing your research like mad, but I heard that SIDS is often actually acute baby sleep apnea. Not sure the validity of this, but worth looking into:)
You have made so many families stronger & closer!
SIDS is not common 2x in the same family vim sure the odds are like 1 in millions. Don't let it scare you or worry about it! There very well could've been underlying issues in that family.
I'm so glad you had a wonderful day! One day you will have
More children, maddie will have siblings. They will be happy and healthy. Yes there are things that help prevent SIDS but it is one of those things that is not 100 percent preventible. If it is in gods plan no matter what you do it won't prevent it! I hope you have many wonderful days in a row!
My girls bows everyday are dedicated to maddie! I think of your family as undo there hair and how one day we will all meet your angel and she will laugh at all our silly bows dedicated to her !
You will be a mom who will have a child to hold in her arms for as long as it is humanly possible. I am happy for you in having better days. Keeping busy helps ALOT!!! While we NEVER forget, we just get used to living with our loss. As always your are both in my thoughts and in my prayers. May you continue to find peace and comfort for your hearts
donna from california
Oh Kellie. It wont happen to you again, it is very very rare that it happens twice, I have hardly heard about that. I am not sure if you get that information about SIDS in the US, but in the UK we are bombarded with information from the day we register the pregnancy.
If you get the monitor for the nappy get the tempreture grows http://www.babyglow.uk.com/ and we are actually told the baby should go to sleep with a dummy/pacifier (lessens chance of suffocation)then with all these steps it should relax your mind even if its slightly when the time comes.
Even with the worries, I am glad you had a good day. Maddie will be pleased, she wants you to smile when you think of her as that's what angels want. But if you need to cry, just cry, it will help you heal.
xxx
Sids is VERY rare to begin with. I could stake my life on the fact it wont happen again.
i have been following your blog and maddie was so blessed to have you as her mommy while she was here on earth. She was such a beautiful baby girl! I know God has beautiful things in store for you and your husband and i can't wait to watch it unfold!
I have been following your blog and it is clear Maddie was very blessed to have you as her mommy while she was here on earth. She was such a beautiful baby girl. I know God has great, great things in store for you and your husband and I cannot wait to see it unfold!
I am thinking of you and praying for you every day. I just wanted to let you know I have a friend who had a baby boy pass away from Sids on his 1 month bday. My friend and his wife adopted a baby girl 4 years ago because they were afraid to have another baby too. Then last September they had another baby boy and now 6 Months later his is doing very well!
My 21 month old daughter calls her bows her "prettys".
If it helps you feel any better, my mom had 6 more healthy children after my brother died at 3 months old. I am the baby of my family and I thank God every day that my parents chose to not stop having kids after they lost my older brother. If they had listened to the devil, I would not be here. I am so glad you did not let the devil win. He does not want you to be happy. He only wants you to suffer. You and James have so love to offer any future children you have. Just always remember, you are a daughter of God and he loves you and he has a plan for you! He only wants happiness for you and James. He just loved little Maddie so much he needed her home sooner than the rest of us. You and James were so lucky to be chosen to be this little gift from God's parents. He has a plan for her as well. I am so glad you had a good day! I pray each day for you and that you will have a good day. I don't know you personally but feel like I have known you forever and have grown to love your family. You are always in my prayers and never far from my thoughts! Maddie has touched so many lives and will never be forgotten. Thanks for sharing her with us!
Love, Laura
I was wondering about the babysitter if you have talked to her i know it made my friend feel better when her baby died to know how happy she was right before and what she was doing right before she took her a nap.and passed away.the babysitter felt so guilty. I don't know just a thought when your ready
My husband cousins has 2 children. Well I guess 3 but the middle child died of SIDS at almost a month old. But the other 2 are happy healthy babies :)
Way to go! You are so strong and amazing! Maddie is watching down from above and is so proud of you.
When the Lord blesses you with more children, there are special blankets that can detect breathing. An alarm will sound if there is a shortage of breaths. Don't worry, God needed Maddie to help pick out her siblings! She will help send you another precious gift from heaven. We aren't privileged to know God's great plans for us, but this I do believe!
YAY KELLIE!!!
So so so glad to hear you had a good day! Your next baby will be so lucky to have parents like you & james. ((And a beautiful big sister there to help watch over her))
I can't wait to order a bow from you! I love ALL the ones you have made so far. You are so talented! I wish I knew how to make them lol!
Hoping you have another sunny day tomorrow,
Victoria
From what I read in cases where multiple children died of sids it was later found out that one of the parents had mounchousands by proxy ( i know i did not spell that right)
This blog made me think of this verse. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
HE always knows what he is doing!
If it DOES happen twice to the same family, they must be pretty awesome parents doing something right to have two kids in heaven already. God won't give you anything you can't handle. {{hugs}}
I have kept up with you since your beautiful Maddie went to Heaven. I will never understand why He needs her more than having her be with you and your husband? I will never understand the whys of what you are facing everyday! I read your words and I hug my children a little tighter everyday and have tons more patience with them! You will be blessed with another child and that child will beso lucky to have you as their mother! You an amazing person inside and out! Always praying for you!
To PP "If it DOES happen twice to the same family, they must be pretty awesome parents doing something right to have two kids in heaven already"
That's definitely something I would NOT want to hear...
So sorry for your loss, and good for you for having a good day and not letting the devil win! You will be blesses someday with more children that you will be able to raise and see grow up here on earth :)
Stay strong. My sister's first daughter passed away from SIDS 15 years ago, and she has a beautiful 11 year old, and has another one on the way:)
My sister's insurance company gave her a sleep apnea monitor for the 11 year old, and it worked out well.
Don't lose your faith, I know my family hasn't!
I was so terrified of SIDS after my daughter was born in 2009 that I would sleep with her on my chest at night just so I would feel her breathing. Even though she is almost 16 months old, I still check on her or turn my baby monitor all the way up just so I can hear her breathe.
I'm SO glad that you had a good day!! <3
We lost my first nephew to SIDS. My brother and SIL now have 2 more beautiful children. In order to prevent another SIDS loss, their pedi gave them apnea monitors for the kids. Kaleb used his till he was about 1, and Alaina still uses one (she's 6 months). Their insurance pays for it, since there is a risk. My brother has told me that the love and joy their children provide them us worth the risk, and I agree. SIDS is my biggest fear with my 6 month old.
You will be a mommy again, and an awesome one at that!! Xoxo
God has has a perfect plan and though it is not ours He will carry us through. Praying for you everyday!
Good for you! Do not let that get you down, even though I dont know why someone would tell you that hun. Just like (I know this is NOT the same at all) I have already had two miscarriages and people always tell me storys of how someone had 5 mc or 7 and went on to have a healthy baby...deff not something I want to hear. Keep your head up hun<3
I was so worried SIDS would happen again to me too after my husband and I lost a son to SIDS at 8 weeks old. My whole second pregnancy I was more aware that anything could go wrong, not just after the baby was here but still in my tummy. That fear is perfectly normal, just shows how much you care. Now at 14 months old, my son is well out of that happening. I also read a lot about SIDS happening again to siblings but didnt find anything. I have a twin sister who had a baby boy pass away from SIDS at 4 months old so maybe there is some sort of genetic link although everything I've read says there's not.
Firstly, both Maddie and all of your future children are lucky to have such a loving and caring Mommy. You will do great.
Worry tends to overwhelm people, but know how slim your chances are. ESPECIALLY if you take advantage of the precautions available to you. If you have a child that passed due to SIDS, your insurance WILL cover an apenea monitor.
My grandmother lost her 6 week old to SIDS back in 1963. She says that she still thinks of him every day. But she went on to have 3 more healthy children with no issues. Her baby was just too very perfect to stay here I guess. Just like your Maddie. God has big plans for her. <3
I am sooooooo happy that you didn't let him win!! When we are weak, that's the best time for him to get to us, but you are so strong with the Grace of God....boy I bet that makes him mad....which makes me happy that you are not giving in to his game. I bet that makes him even more determined to get to you and James!! And the more he tries, the stronger you become, I can read it in your blog....
Blessings, blessings from above !
Linda
You go girl! Put that devil in his place. the bible tells us he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. and by you continuing to praise and trust God through this just makes the devil SO MAD!!! but you keep believing in God and your unwaivering faith WILL BE rewarded! The next time the devil comes around with discouraging thoughts just remember that belong to the Lord, stomp your little holy foot and rebuke that spirit of doubt in Jesus name!
It will not happen again! Maddie will be protecting any future child(ren) you have!
Kellie
I love looking at pics of your Maddie and all her bows! My Ally is a bow girl as well we have 106 bows YIKES bow buying is a bit out of hand. I wanted to comment on what your friend told you about SIDS running in families. This is not true. Some people do believe it to be true but it make a long story short many years ago there was a study done on a mom who lost multiple babies to SIDS there was a dr trying to prove a genetic link. Research was going in the direction that it ran in families. Well...as it turned out this mom was very ill and her percious babies were NOT being lost to SIDS. The doctors research was 100% proven wrong and sceince has never again foind a link between genetics and SIDS. I saw this one a show many yeas ago but the info has stuck with me..Not sure why..Many I was meant to share that with you
Oh sweetie -- that would be extremely rare to have happen. Please don't think like that!!
There are a few things you can do to lower the risk of SIDS (breastfeeding), but I do think most of the time it just happens. It is horrible and unfair and it makes me so sad, but know that chances are in your favor that lightning wouldn't strike twice. I would talk to a pediatrician about your concerns, but don't let it hold you back from having another when you are ready.
Big hugs to you!
My daughter is only four months old. I've always been TERRIFIED of SIDS. After reading your story, I went out and immediately bought an Angel Care monitor. I can't tell you how much relief and comfort it has brought to me. I can sleep without being terrified of losing my baby.
Wanted to share my cousin's story....They lost their first baby in the same manner as Maddie. Both parents were paramedics & their daughter was at the daycare. Jason & Tiffany had stopped for lunch to see Tori. About 30 min later, they got the worst news. They had just saw her, played with her, kissed her, loved her & then she was gone :(
They both vowed to never leave their children with anyone. So both Jason & Tiffany took separate shifts, in order that, one of them was home with the children at all times. It is a lot of work for them & times can be hard but very worth it. I'm proud to say they have 4 healthy growing children.
So, since the odds of a repeat SIDS situation are less than winning the lottery, I think it's time to go buy a lottery ticket!
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