Today has been a much better day. I have been happy and a lot less sad. I got my self out of bed and got dressed. I even had nothing to do today. I quickly found something to do before I got sad. I made some really cute name blocks.
This was taken from my iphone not such great quality.
I am going back to work this week and I am not really looking forward to it. I love love love my job, but its where I was when I got "the call". Its going to be hard. I just have to try and not think about that day. I need to focus on my students. I really hope they don't ask me questions. They are so young, if they do they just don't understand.
I want to talk about my wonderful husband. James has been here for me through all of this. He has been so supportive, and caring. He has supported my decision to take time off of work to heal. I dont know how I would of done this without him. During the funeral and viewing I was his rock. Now, he is mine. He is always right there when I crumble and he knows just what to say. We have grown so much stronger as a couple. Maddie helped us to do that. I am so lucky to have him.
He is such a great daddy. He used to sing to Maddie and talk to her. She loved to sit next to him and watch him play video games. They were "buddies". I will never forget these memories I have of them together.
He takes great care of our "Maddie tree". He goes outside, waters it and talks to it. He is so sweet. Our next baby is going to be so lucky to have him as a daddy.
I love you honey. Thanks for being my rock.
Just a reminder:
This Benefit auction for Baby Madison Paige Staats is going on right now!!!
52 comments:
very cute blocks. My advise would be to stay busy. No matter how you have to do that. Going back to work will keep you busy too. God will give you the strength you need. praying for you extra hard this week as you make these changes.
Im so glad today has been better. What an answered prayer. You and James are amazing parents. Love you Kell.
Those blocks are just darling!! You really have a talent. Hopefully today will be the start of better days to come. As always, your such an inspiration in your strength! Thank you
reading your blog gives me chills. i have no idea what to say, but i love that you share your story :)
i love those blocks!! maybe through your grieving you will develop your creative talent with crafts and photography :) i know maddie would love for you to follow a dream of yours :)
Love the blocks! I pray that you will be able to continue to to take steps forward. ; ) you are truly an inspiration! You, James and Maddie all have a very special place in my families liife!
God bless
He sounds wonderful. I love that pic. Thanks for sharing.
I recently had a miscarriage. Not the same thing as you, but I am also a teacher, so I understand how hard it is to go back to work. The hardest part for me was not my students, but the parents and other teachers. It doesn't bother me when students ask me questions or say things because they don't know any better. However, adults should know better than to say some things. My students keep me busy and make me happy. Praying for you to continue getting one day stronger. And that you will have a good transition back to work.
The blocks are adorable! I am so glad that you are having a good day! Keep your head held high and smile knowing that Maddie would want you to be happy for her!
xoxo
Kelli @ loveoursimplelife.blogspot.com
Im so glad to hear to day was better!
I would love if you did a tutorial on how you made these blocks.
How do i get to the auction
what a beautiful post, I am so glad you have a great husband. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I just can't imagine and I wish I had the right words to say to make it all better....hugs, prayers and love.
tara
Kellie,
I am still praying for you guys. I wish there was something I could do or say to take the pain and hurt away but there isn't. All I can do is pray for you and that is what I do daily. Hope your first day back at work isn't too hard on you. I am praying for you to have strength to make it through that day.
Love in Christ,
Crystal
I have recently stumbled onto your blog and have read the entire thing and let me just say you seem like such a wonderful person inside and out. Your personality is so cheerful and refreshing in a world of disillusioned cynics. You are a good person through and through and my heart goes out to you and your family for your recent loss. I don't have a child so I can't fully understand what you have been through, but I do know that you deserve so much happiness for just being how you are and I have no doubt you will be there again. My thoughts and prayers are with you...
I have been following your blog since learning of it from Facebook. I have cried every day reading what you are going through and looking at the pictures of your beautiful princess. I am also a teacher (first grade) and a new mommy of a two month old little girl, Alexa. I pray for you and your family daily that you will be able to hold each other close, cherish the memories and find some sort of happiness again. I truly cannot imagine what you are going through and wish that I was there to hug you,as you are SO very strong, even though you may not feel like it. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts with all of us. By the way, I LOVE, LOVE the blocks you made today - I wish I could have those for my little Alexa - maybe another hobby for you (like photography), as your little girl would be so happy that you are finding ways to express your creativity...much love and prayers to you and your wonderfully supportive husband.
Kellie. I wish I knew you. You're strength and love are such a great thing to see. You've been to Hell and back and you're still so strong, and it truly amazes me. I read your blog everyday, and I'm taking your advice. My daughter is almost one but I realize at any moment she could be stripped away from me, or me from her so I've been documenting our life daily to make sure she will always know what she means to me. Without seeing what you're going through I think I would have kept taking what I am lucky to have for grantit. Thank you so much for restoring my heart and reminding me where it should be. You've touched my life and I don't even know you.
I love your blocks. They are super cute and if you have the time, you should do a tutorial on how you do them. I would love to make some myself. <3 Your practice photos are amazing and you seem to be learning at a quick pace. You will be taking amazing professional photos in NO TIME.
Kellie, I was brought to your blog by finding a post on a local mom's message board. I'm at a loss for words to tell you how much I grieve for your loss. Your words draw us in to your journey and make it one that we can feel in our bones. Please know that there's a stranger out there who weeps for your pain and will keep you and your sweet husband in prayer for a peace and comfort that can only come from the Father.
Prayers all around! I'm lovin' your photography...I'm trying to venture more into photography as well, love for you to share your secrets if you ever feel the desire to do so! Continued prayers!
I will be praying for you as you make your way back to your students. I know they have missed you and are worried. My students are like my real kids. I cannot imagine having to explain something like this to them. Praying for you and for days to move forward.
Love your blocks! They are BEAUTIFUL!!! Just want to say that you truly are an inspiration to me, and even though I do not know you, you have touched my life in a way that is undescriable. I will pray that your return to work will be somewhat of an easy transition for you. Continue to stay as strong as you can. Hugss and much love! <3
Glad today went better. I will continue to pray for you guys!
Praising God for a good day for you! Continuing to pray for you and James. As I read today about your tree it made me think I can't wait for Spring here as I also have a tree for my baby girl!
I came across your blog from another blog I follow. I amazed each day at your strength. I have a 10 day old baby girl and I can't even imagine. I have cried with you daily as I read your blog. If I could send you a hug I would.
I pray for you as you go back to work. It won't be easy but I know you will find the strength to get through.
I have always considered my blogging as a form of therapy and release. And I thank you for sharing your blog with us mothers.
Your blocks are awesome! What a great way to stay busy! If you ever decided to take orders I would be the first on your list!
Praying for you and your husband!
i can't believe you MADE those blocks!!! they are sooo cute, i'm jealous! if you ever decide to make them to sell, let me know! :)
Thinking of you...and praying for y'all. I see youre in cypress...i am in the woodlands...hoping the days get easier.
I know I am echoing the others but if you do decide to make those blocks to sell I would order 5 sets! If you do boy blocks too :)
I am so happy today was better. You're right it is one day at a time.
I've been following your blog since day one and my heart has been aching for you. I never posted any comments, but today I had to. I've been praying for you everyday and asking God to continue to give strength. I was so glad to read that you had a better day today and I pray that tomorrow's day for you may be even better. I don't how much I wish I knew you personally, just want to hug you until the pain goes away, but I'm glad that God is already on the job. He knows how to bring comfort to our lives better than anyone. God bless you and your husband today and always.
Very sweet,stay strong...xoxo,
The blocks are gorgeous! Looks like you might have another hobby/job in addition to photography!
Going back to work may be hard, but it will probably be good to get back.
It is true that with grieving you sometimes go forward, as well as regress, but it is normal to do so! Just take it as it comes!
You and James are blessed to have each other and to be able to count on each other to be there for one another! And it is wonderful to share your memories of Maddie in a way that noone else knows her.
Praying for you as you continue to move forward!
I've never been one to follow blogs. But since my friend posted your blog on FB for prayers for your family, I've read your's everyday. I am continuing to pray for you guys everyday. You're a strong woman! Reading this has made me appreciate my 4 month old even more than I already did. I hold her longer during the day. Continue to be strong.
I don't know you but found your blog through a friend. My heart absolutely breaks for you and your family - Madison truely is one adorable little angel. Prayers are being sent for you and your loved ones -- and I think you have the right idea with taking it one day at a time, because whether it feels like it or not day after day you are slowly getting stronger.
The blocks are sweet. I am glad you had a better day today....you deserve it!!!
I hope that your first day back will not be too hard on you, maybe you could go and visit your class BEFORE you will be there all day...that way if you get overwhelmed you have the option to leave. the kids may ask some hard question and also some of your co workers.. just be prepared for this, you know they will mean no harm but sometimes people ask the oddest things and I'm not sure why!!, I know I just try to be supportive and you will tell us what you want us to know. You are very fortunate to have james in your life he sounds like a WONDERFUL man and I am glad you guys have pulled together rather than pull apart, this shows that you are both special people who know how to treat one another.
Each day that you get up and get ready to take on the day is a step forward, regardless if during the course of the day you feel like you are taking backward steps....you started out going forward, THAT'S THE MAIN THING.
I hope my words help you in some small way, for they are NOT just mere words they do come from ny heart and I truely hope you believe this. As always you are both in my thoughts and in my prayers. may you find peace and comfort for your hearts and souls.
much love to you and James
donna from california
I keep your page open, and refresh it often to see if you've written. I'm glad you had a happy day today! I'm sure Miss Maddie was with you, and that's why! Those blocks are ridiculously adorable and we, like the others, would also like to own some if you ever start to sell them ;o) You are very lucky to have such a wonderful husband, and he is very lucky to have such a STRONG wife! I think of you all the time, and I pray that Maddie keeps bringing you peace and happiness. Your story has helped me write a new song. I am a singer and songwriter and I've been absolutely blank for lyrics, but when I read your words, I am inspired again. Thank you so much for being who you are-- you inspire us all!
<3 Jen
Going back to work sure is a big step, but I know you can do it and once that fear is behind you, you will well on your way to the new normal. I am so proud of you and James for taking such great care of each other. I too love the blocks, wish I had your creativity.
I am so glad you are doing better today, I stumbled upon you blog through a third party, and read about your tragic loose and instantly cried! I dont know you and you don't know me but i've been following your blog ever since, just to see how your doing hoping that your days get better! You are such a strong person and you and james are wonderful people and parents and I know little maddie is looking down on the both of yall smiling everyday! Every time I read your story it sends chills down my back as I have a daughter and she was born in oct as well and every night I hold her just a little longer and pray for you and your husband every night. You are a very good photographer by the way, you will definitely prevail in that industry, and im sure you little angel will be with you every step of the way guiding you through the tough, and hard times, and through your photography! I will be thinking about yall...Your an inspiration to alot of people including me! Keep staying strong!
Stay Strong you and your family are in my thoughts... you cannot let the devil bring you down!!
I am so glad today was a better day for you! My family continues to pray for you and your husband. I will be thinking about you as you return to work.
By the way: Those name blocks are adorable! Have you thought about selling some? I would buy some from you with my kids names on them. Your pictures are also very good! You will make a great photographer!!!
Those are so cute!!!! I was wondering as I am a new reader, if you work in a elementary school if a counselor could go in and talk to the kids about what happened? or if you work at a day care maybe the director could briefly talk to the kids about what happen, that way you wouldn't have to explain it and if you did get sad or start to cry they would understand and not think it was them. That would be my fear with little children because they internalize things. I will be lifting you up in prayer. May he comfort you and strengthen you as you deal with having to face your work place again, hugs!!!
You story is so heartbreaking. It has touched me so deeply that I think about it every day. You are your husband are so strong. I can't imagine what you're going through. Maddie is looking down on you every single second of the day with love...
I love the name blocks that you made! I wish I was that creative!
I will pray for you to have an easy (or as easy as it can be) transition going back to work.
I hope you realize how many lives you are touching by writing your blogs every day!
I won't let go
I heard this song this morning and instantly thought of you and your sweet husband. It is by Rascal Flats and called I won't let go. It is so fitting for what you are going thru with each other. May God continue to strengthen your marriage and relationship. You both are such great parents that any future sibling you have for Maddie will be the luckiest child. I pray that every day gets a little easier to cope and for soon that when you have thoughts of your princess that only smiles will come to you. She was far to special for this earth and was needed home. You have an amazing gift with your photography and also your crafts. Enjoy doing those things. Hugs from the Deckard Family. You are always not far from my thoughts and always in my prayers.
You should definitely make a tutorial on how to make those blocks! They are soo cute! I would love to make some for my Josephine's nursery. :)
I love looking at all of your pictures. You have a great talent. Those blocks are SO cute, I have been wanting to make some. I am a very creative person, but I don't think I could ever be a photographer...I will leave that up to my sister. haha I am glad that your day was easier. Hope there are many more to come.
Your willingness to put yourself out there, your raw emotions just amazes me. I have children of my own and can't imagine going through what you are going through. I don't think I would have as much courage as you do. Thank you for being open. I know you will never heal from this, and it will always be an open wound. But I hope and pray that today is the start of many more good days. Peace and blessings
The blocks are really good - you should open an Etsy store! It could be a way to make money to be able to stay home. I would shop at your store & I'm sure many others would too! I am so glad that you & your husband have each other to lean on. He sounds like a wonderful man. Maddie was lucky to have you both as parents & any future children will be too.
I forgot to say that the part about the video games made me smile as my daughter loves to do this with my husband too! I am sure Maddie loved those times with her daddy!
My prayers are with your family. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. My heart literally breaks for you and your family.
The blocks are BEAUTIFUL!! <3
I found your blog through my son's pre-k teacher, Catherine's, blog. Thank you for sharing your journey. I cannot phathom the pain you feel, but I know God is using you to touch so many lives in the midst of your unimagineable loss, including mine. Ever since I saw your blog I have been thinking of and praying for you and your husband and your sweet little girl often. I am praying for moments of comfort, peace and joy each day for y'all as you move forward.
Kellie, you are such a strong woman..I have been following your blog and just want to give you a big hug!! You and your husband are amazing people and what has happened is just not fair! Keeping busy is good; your blocks are beautiful (if you find yourself need to keep busy, I would love to order some from you!) I know I am a complete stranger, but if you need anything we are all here for you!!
What a beautiful picture. I think of your sweet girl often. She has certainly touched my life~
"I Will Carry You" - Selah
www.youtube.com
Thought this might be an encouragement to you today.
You and James and Maddie are continually in my prayers. I know how hard it is to get through the loss of a child. I lost my son 5 years ago, he was 18, I still miss him. I had to go back to places that we went together and face them. Could not breath most of the time, but I new I had to face people places and thigs, it helped me to get through the first two years. Some days I still have a hard time. A book that was great for me was called Tear Soup, it can be found in the kids section at Barnes and Nobile. Just know it will get easier, you will never every get over it, you just learn to accept it. God will give you all the strength that you need. You are blessed to have such a wonderful family and great friends to help you to heal. Remember God cries with you. Bless you, stay strong!
Kellie,
I recently discovered your blog through a friend. I am so terribly sorry to read about what you are going through. I cannot imagine anything more difficult.
I saw that you are returning to work and wanted to offer this advice. I too am a teacher who lost a child during the school year. My loss was through a miscarriage though - completely different. I don't know how I would even cope if I were in your shoes. But, you expressed concern about the students asking questions. I found the questions (from my students) allowed me a time to be open and honest. Sometimes, as you've said, adults shy away, because they don't know what to say. Let your students be a shining light for you. They are so innocent and caring. Let them help you along. I believe their support will help lift you up.
Also, I wanted to let you know what an inspiration your story is to many. Often people get lost in the chaos of life and don't take time to appreciate the here and now. I think by you sharing your story, you help people do that. You help people put into focus that which really matters. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
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