I think I have been so strong so so so so strong. But today I broke. I couldn't' stop crying. I just kept thinking my baby is gone..she is really gone!
Yesterday I went into Maddie's room and just walked around. There are so many great memories in her room. But, I am so scared I am going to forget all these memories. I have a HORRIBLE memory...and I just don't want to forget!! I keep going over memories in my head, but then I get sad. So, I decided to look through some of her pictures and write down some memories.
Maddie was only 1 weeks old. She was SO mad that I put that flower on her head she would not stop screaming! I was so upset that I could not get a good picture, but now I love this picture..because that's Maddie (full of life).
Or like this picture. James thought I was so silly to take a picture of Maddie's umbilical cord when it fell off. I was such a proud mommy. I remember thinking "OMG what do I do now... Is she going to bleed??". I am so glad I have this picture. I want to member everything about Maddie's life!!
This picture is taken on the floor in Maddie's nursery. I remember this day Maddie was being so sweet. I wanted to learn more about my camera. So, Maddie and I headed into her room to try to figure out some poses to do. I laid her down and she posed herself. (She was 3 weeks old)
My brother took this picture. Maddie was 10 days old. this was taken on the bed in our guestroom. I remember thinking , "Wow its hard to take picture of newborns". Maddie was so good that day. She just wanted to sleep, and we kept waking her up!!!
This is Maddie in one of her many Halloween outfits. I remember thinking she just looks so peaceful. James and I took Maddie outside for a few minutes that night and watched the trick-or-treaters.
This picture is funny! My mom and I took Maddie to a pumpkin patch and it must of been 90 degrees. Maddie was only a few weeks ago, so all she wanted to do was sleep. In almost every picture Maddie is passed out..She would NOT wake up!!!
This is the first time I let Bella really get close to Maddie. We were all "playing".Yesterday I was looking through my maternity pictures...then it hit me. I never got any of my maternity pictures printed because Maddie surprised us with her grand entrance just 2 short weeks later. So, yesterday I sat down and braced my self. I knew it was going to be hard to look at them and it was! But there are some really great photos.
I love you Maddie.. I will do everything in my power to remember everything about you!!
31 comments:
I miss her too Kell. You and James have been so strong. SO SO SO STRONG. This blog made my heart smile and laugh. Good memories...really good memories. The pic of her passed out at the pumpkin patch is too funny. I remember the day you took her like it was yesterday. You'll never forget her...NEVER!
Love you sweet momma!♥
What wonderful memories. Thank you for sharing them with us. The wonderful thing about being a mom is that it is forever and that sweet baby's footprint is forever stamped on your heart...you will never forget her or your memories of her.
Hi Kellie,
I remember the day you all went to the pumpkin patch too! I remember your mom coming to work and telling us about it and how hot it was. The pictures were so sweet though and I could tell you all still had great fun even though Maddie was such a sleepy head. Your blog is GREAT because you wrote so much about Maddie from the very beginning. It will be a great tool to help you remember the little things that made your time so special. Take care gal.
You might think that you will forget things about her, but you will always remember. You may think you've forgotten but you will see something or hear something and it will remind you of a special moment with Maddie and youll smile so big with that memory. That's Maddie saying hi in her own special way. You (and I) will never forget Maddie because she is a truly special, and unforgettable little lady.
Sending strength and love your way!!!
Thinking of you and your family today...you have been so amazingly strong through this whole horrible time and I just wanted to send hugs your way.
Beautiful photos (maternity and otherwise). I love that you took a photo of the umbilical cord. Jack wasn't alive long enough to lose his, and remember wondering what his tummy would have looked like if he didn't have it anymore. hm.
You are an amazing woman and mother - You will never forget the memories - May God Bless y'all!
Kellie,
As hard as it may be, start a scrapbook... a beautiful pink scrapbook. You are so crafty, and so talented that I'm sure it will be gorgeous. If you need to only do a page a day, but take one of your wonderful pictures of Maddie and write a memory down, on paper. Then design a page around it make it bright and colorful, so every time you look at it you smile. It will help you remember.
You will never forget your Maddie, she will always be with you, watching over you until you are together again.
Hugs,
Kelly M.
"Missing someone gets easier every day because even though you're one day further from the last time you saw them, you're one day closer to the day you'll see them again."
"And all were weeping and mourning for her,but god said "do not weep,for she is not dead but sleeping."
Luke 8:52
I Read these today i kinda thought they would help a little.I cant even imagine what yourgoing through I am a mommy to a one year old. i read your blog every day. thank you for sharing your beautiful memories with us. Maddie's pictures are so cute! I know for a fact that that you wont for get all of the wonderful memories you had with her!=).
Kellie,
I love all of your pictures!!! All of them are great. Maddie is beautiful and I know that you will always remember her and cherish all the moments you had with her. Praying for you guys!!!
I love your photos, Kellie! Thanks for sharing them!
Allison
I just wanted to let you know we took a bike ride to my grandparents' house tonight with Connor. When I took Connor out of his bike seat, A ladybug was on him. I couldn't help but think of Maddie and that she took a little bike ride with us! {Hugs}
Stay strong girl, Maddie will ALWAYS live on with you, you will NEVER be able to forget how much you both loved each other. I am praying for you and James. The pictures are really just breathtaking... I hope tomorrow is an easier day for you.
That is a great post..Maddie Was Lucky She had such a great Mommy that took so many pictures of her..I'm sure she Loved playing Dress Up with you:)
you need to go to shutterfly.com and do a scrapbook of maddie. You can write down all of your memories with your pictures. I also have a horrible memory, I feel like I can't remember anything! I try to do a book every year for my kids so I always have those memories!!! (of course I'm still working ont he 2010 books because I make all of my pages with photoshop!) and shutterfly keeps them online to so you can always order another book if something would happen to the first! I think it would be a hard project for you but one that you would treasure forever, and could show to any future children that you have. Still thinking of you guys and praying for you out here in Indiana!!!!!
Too cute...prayers your way!
they are gorgeous pictures.....my heart breaks again everytime I read your blog....Send love and hugs....
This was one of the most beautiful blogs that you wrote today! It made me feel like I was in the moment. You will never forget her! I like the idea of a scrapbook as well. You can smile as you are preparing each page. Such beautiful memories for such a beautiful baby girl! Thank you for sharing! Stay strong Momma!
I like the suggestion of a pretty pink scrapbook!! It would be fabulous because you are so creative and crafty!! I wish I knew words that could help but I really don't know what to say. You are incredibly strong but is ok if you have a day when you need to just let it out...I love looking at your beautiful pictures!!
As hard as it is to believe, you can never forget anything about your childrens lives! No matter how old you get or how many other babies you have, you will still remember everything about Maddie! You'll even remember the little tiny things that other parents end up taking advantage of cuz they don't think those little moments are as important as the big moments. Those memories will ALWAYS be in your heart! My heart and prayers are going out to you and your family. How is your husband doing with everything? I know y'all will stay strong, and one day it won't hurt as much anymore, when that happens you won't feel pain when you think of Maddie, you'll feel joy!!
We barely found your blog but since we have we've read every post,
The McDaniel's
Those are some great memories. You will never forget.
Kelli,
Ah life can be so brutal and cruel, yet so generous and sweet. To lose a child so soon. You will NOT forget Maddie because you are not alone in remembering her. Just look at the comments here of those who share in the task of memory-keepers. My beloved is dying of Alzheimer's and I grieved not only her decline into the Long Goodbye but also the loss of those precious memories. However, as I take her to visit relatives and friends I realized that we are all memory keepers for those we love and care about. Through your beautiful blog you have shared and created memories of Maddie and now all your readers share in the memory keeping. Prayers and blessings to you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful pictures of your beautiful daughter. I have been following your blog ever since I seen the post someone posted on my facebook on that dreadful day. I have cried so many times for your loss. Your post's are the reason I have blogger now. And another reason why I take lots and lots of pictures of my children.
I only hope peace and happiness finds you in the years to come. I have a really good friend that lost her only child 5 years ago and I can honestly say your years will get better but you will always think about and remember your sweet Maddie.
Thinking of you and praying for you and your family everyday here in North Carolina.
I'm glad that you're writing down memories. While you'll never forget her, memories will fade and I hate that. I wish they could always stay clear in our minds.
Awwww Kellie. This was such a sweet post. You have been such a strong mama. I'm sure scrap booking will be hard. You do have your old blogs to look back to, from day one. You have been so strong and you would not be human if you didn't break down once in a while. I know Maddie's 8th month will be hard, and I will be thinking of you that day. I would say go to the beach but have you seen Galveston lately? Not good! What was the memory you had a looong time ago about you, your mom, and Maddie shopping and Maddie hated when the car would stop? I think it was during Christmas. It always made me laugh because my little one hated when the car would MOVE. My husband swears its my driving. Thanks for sharing your memories with us. You will never forget her, and she was so blessed to have such a sweet mama.
These pictures are amazing and your memories of her are so sweet. You were a glowing and BEAUTIFUL pregnant momma!
Maddie has such a beautiful mama!
Maddie's such a beautiful baby. I love the picture with Bella--so cute! Thank you for sharing your beatiful memories. <3
I think that I am learning that this is how it works. You will have good days and then bad. Hopefully as time goes on there are many more good days between the bad ones. We just celebrated my son's 1st birthday in Heaven last week and I have been doing pretty good since then until today. Today has been a very sad day today, missing Braden. But tomorrow will be better- and you will feel stronger again!
You look so BEAUTIFUL in your maternity photos!! Thanks for sharing! I will be thinking of you and James for Maddie's 8-month birthday =D
Those are some great memories and pictures!!!
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