Yesterday was a little better. We were blessed to be surrounded by family and friends all day. James and I have promised that we will not leave each other. So, yesterday my dad, brother, father in law, mother in law, James and I all went to find something to wear to put Maddie to rest. It was hard. SO hard. What do you wear to your daughters funeral? You want to remember the happy bright times and celebrate her life and you want to wear black. I just don't know.
All of the guys got fitted for suites. It was not fun. Everyone was quiet while getting fitted. We are usually such a happy outgoing bunch. It's just not the same. After we left the suite place everyone went with me to white house black market. I tried on a few dresses. But I couldn't do it. I cant try on something to wear to Maddie's funeral. This isnt real. It's still just a bad dream. I keep thinking she is just at my moms house and she will be home soon. But she won't. She is in heaven watching over us.
I know people grieve different ways. No way is correct. You just do what works for you. Well, I talk to Maddie. All the time. No matter where I am I talk to her. I don't care what people think. I tell her I miss her and I love her. It makes me feel better. I hope she can hear me.
My wonderful family at The Mommy Playbook (the wonderful messages boards I seeked while trying to get pregnant and after) took up a donation for Maddie. Right now we are trying to decide how to use that to remember her. We want to thank them so much. We have felt all of your support and prayers. All of the love is helping us get through this horrible time.
Here is one of my favorite pictures of Maddie and I ..
39 comments:
On of my favorite pictures too. Love you all.
That is a beautiful picture, Kellie. Please know how much all of your friends at TMP love you and support you.
That is a beautiful picture and I'm glad you have it. Continuing to pray for you and your family, Kellie.
Beautiful picture! She looks like she had enough love to last her a lifetime in that one little picture. What a blessed baby. Praying for healing in your broken hearts...{{HUGS}}
Such a beautiful picture of you and your angel <3
Such a sweet picture. Thinking and praying for you guys.
That is a gorgeous picture. You pop into my head all the time and I pray for you when that happens.
I just randomly came across your blog and my heart goes out to you and your family. Sadly enough.. I spent Friday doing the same thing as you with my sister. Thursday, her 4 month old daughter Olivia (born 10.16) passed away unexpectedly. I am thinking of you and the horrible nightmare that you and your family are going through right now. In the up coming weeks/months - please feel free to email me.. LJ_Massa@yahoo.com if you'd like to be in touch with my sister. I know that the support of someone that has gone through the same thing is something she (and you both) may need in the up coming weeks.. months.. years.
Aching for you as well.
Laura - from Wisconsin.
lovely photo. continuing to send you my thoughts and prayers...
Such a beautiful picture, so evidently filled with love. Continuing to send thoughts, prayers, and love to you and your family
I came across your blog through Beach Bum and A Baby. Tears are streaming down my face as your read your posts. I have no words, just know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Beautiful picture, Kellie. No doubt that Maddie is listenting to you from heaven and watching over you and your family. Continued prayers for you all.
She is beautiful, Im sorry you had to lose her in such an awful way. Im glad you got to say your goodbyes to her today. When i said goodbye to my daughter Darcie it was the hardest thing I ever did but spending time with her made it a little better.
That is a beautiful picture of you girls. <3 You have a beautiful angel watching over you. I think of you and your family daily, Kellie! I will continue to pray for you.
What a beautiful shot of the two of you. She is so loved. I think of Maddie all day long and pray for you guys every time she enters my heart again. I'm glad you talk to her - I know she is listening. :hugs:
This is the most precious picture of you and your sweet Angel. I want to again let you know you are in my T&P's!
What a beautiful picture. OF COURSE Maddie can hear you when you talk to her...and she is always looking down on you guys.
Thinking and praying about you.
What a gorgeous picture. Thinking of you.
Beautiful photo.God bless you and keep you in your time of grief.My Daughter has two angels in heaven,so we can relate to the things you are going through,and the things you are going to go through.Your family is in my prayers..Sending love and prayers from Kenai,Alaska..Denise Wolk
I am so sorry, I don't know what I would do if I lost my little girl. I started reading and then crying. Just remember she is home with her Heavenly Father and that you will see her again. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your husband and family..... I am so sorry.
so beautiful... and such love you have for your daughter
Aww..that's a really great picture of the two of you!! <3
We are terribly sorry for your loss. Your beautiful little girl is in our thoughts.
Prayers to you and your family.
Dura family.
A beautiful picture
Beautiful picture.
I wish I could say...I don't know how you feel but I can't. My son Daniel was born Oct. 4, 1992. He past away Dec. 28, 1992. He would be 18 this year, getting ready to graduate.
What I can tell you is it does get better, your pain will lessen. You will never forget her, she will always be your princess. You do have your very personal guardian angel. I can also tell you what helped me. 1. believing God took him because he made heaven a better place (he is and was my shining star) 2. talking about him (understanding that not everyone knows what to say in this kind of tradegy). 3. Take one day at a time. 4. Let your spouse and you share in your grief (don't forget him in yours. 5.There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I still grieve for my son. Give yourself permission to grieve. And 6. Let your family help you, they are grieving too and they want to feel her, and remember her as much as you do. Let them help you carry the burden. I am sorry for you loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Kellie,
I"m not even sure how I found your blog, it was linked from somewhere on Facebook, being a photographer, I saw the goregeous picture of you and your daughter and clicked on it. So I just wanted to tell you that you and your family are in my thoughts and my prayers. No one should ever have to go through what you are going through. There's nothing I could say that would make your journey through this any easier, but I just wanted to say something. Good luck to you.
wow what a beautiful picture!
i am so sorry for your loss. my prayers are with you!
i would love to create something for you, when you have the chance please email me.
hugs!
I read your story and I can't even begin to imagine what you and your family have been through. I admire your strength as you have shared your story with people you may never meet. May the power of prayer bless you as Maddie was taken far too early. Your pictures are beautiful and your angel is proudly watching over you and your husband.
Thank you for sharing as I'm sure it is incredibly difficult. May God bless you and your family by giving you comfort and strength.
such a beautiful picture!
WOW, you are SO strong! I set here and cried so hard like she was mine! I'm TRULY sorry. Im a mother of a 3yr old and 13month old! This just breaks my heart but you seem so strong and that is awesome! She was definitly brought into this world for a reason! My daughter has a TON of huge bows and now i will always think of your little Maddie! God bless!
Look at her beautiful red hair, she is one beautiful angel.
I buried my father on Feb. 14 and tho he had lived a long good life, I miss him. He LOVED babies, so I will imagine him in heaven with your little one, smiling from ear to ear at her and talking sweetley to her.
I stumbled upon your blog from a friend's facebook post. I'd feel like a lurker without telling you how saddened I feel for your loss. I can't imagine the pain your family has been feeling for the last trying days. Maddie looks like she was a happy baby and so blessed to have a mommy and daddy who loved her so much. I hope peace will heal your hearts soon and my thoughts are with you and your beautiful family.
I am so sorry that you have lost your precious daughter! She is looking down on you now, watching over her parents. Here is a blog you should check out: http://patrickandashley.blogspot.com/
It's about a couple who lost their daughter last summer, and it's really uplifting and touching to read. I'm hoping that maybe in some small way it might be able to help you. You will be in my prayers.
As I read this it brought back so many memories. I lost a daughter during my pregnancy and with the stage of my pregnancy delivered a stillborn. I also was mad the day I had to pick out funeral clothes. I also remember yelling "I should not have to do this" as I was picking out her cemetery stone. I will say 8 years later I can give God the glory as this brought us closer to Him and 2 out of 4 of my kids have accepted Christ as their savior (the other two are too little to understand). It was a long road but He carried us through. I know you are getting a lot of advise and it is difficult but please take time for you and your husband alone. We left town and it was so healing. As time gos on be open and honest. I remember feeling like ok he is having a good day I have to stay strong when in all reality we both were have lousy days trying to keep it together. Have something as your sign. Maybe if the candle is lit it is a sign you are having a rough day or something to let each other know with out having to verbalize it every time. There will be days where you are silent but need the other to know it is not a good day. I will be praying for you in the weeks and days to come!
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband nobody should ever have to go through the things you guys did.
This picture looks exactly like my daughter when she was this age. The beautiful red hair, face and all.
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